Читать книгу Moving Beyond Betrayal - Vicki Tidwell Palmer - Страница 8
ОглавлениеTable of Contents
A WORD ABOUT PRONOUNS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE: YOUR FUTURE IS NOT YOUR PAST
The Transformational Power of Boundaries
Partners of Sex Addicts: Co-Addicts or Trauma Survivors?
CHAPTER TWO: NOT ALL FORMS OF ADDICTION ARE CREATED EQUAL: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX ADDICTION
Basics of First-Year Sex Addiction Recovery
Your Self-Care in Early Discovery
CHAPTER THREE: FIRST THINGS FIRST: HOW TO RECOGNIZE A GOOD BOUNDARY WHEN YOU SEE ONE
Boundaries Are Everywhere
Common Misconceptions and Myths about Boundaries
The Five Boundaries
Boundaries at the Extremes
What Are Boundary Violations?
Non-negotiable Relationship Boundaries
What Good Boundaries Can Do for You
Common Boundaries Set by Partners of Sex Addicts
CHAPTER FOUR: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 1: KNOWING AND OWNING YOUR REALITY
Why You’ve Struggled to Know Your Reality
How Deception Creates Trauma and Distorts Your Reality
How to Identify Your Reality in Three Steps
What About Intuition?
Reality Checking
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 1
CHAPTER FIVE: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 2: GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET
Knowing Your Needs
The “Honesty Problem” in Early Recovery from Sex Addiction
Tolerating the Intolerable
A Partner’s Bill of Rights
Creating a Vision of Needs Fulfilled
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 2
CHAPTER SIX: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 3: IDENTIFYING YOUR POWER CENTER
Power, Authentic Power, and “Power Over”
How Partners Lose Power
Vanish the Victim
Collaborative Transparency
Your Higher Power
Identify Your Power Center
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 3
CHAPTER SEVEN: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 4: CREATING AND IMPLEMENTING YOUR ACTION PLAN
The Four Possible Actions
Contracts and Expectations
Demands, Ultimatums, and Requests
How to Make Effective Requests
Best Practices for Presenting a Request
Partner’s Challenges to Taking Action
Implementing Your Action Plan
Examples of Requests Made by Partners of Sex Addicts
Your Partner’s Rights when Receiving a Request
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 4
CHAPTER EIGHT: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 5: EVALUATE YOUR RESULTS—MISSION ACCOMPLISHED . . . OR NOT: WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE BROKEN
Celebrate Your Success!
When You Don’t Get the Outcome You Wanted
The Boundary Was Broken . . . What Now?
Your Options for Handling Broken Agreements and Boundary Violations
Self-Care, Consequences, and Punishment
Commit—with Confidence—to Your Consequence
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 5
CHAPTER NINE: SPEED BUMPS, ROADBLOCKS, AND CRASH LANDINGS: HIDDEN BARRIERS TO BOUNDARY WORK AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM
Esteem and Worth
Difficulty with Emotional Regulation
Family and Financial Considerations
Addiction or Untreated Mental Health Concerns
Overvaluing the Relationship or the Addict (Love Addiction)
Family of Origin and Preexisting Adult Trauma
Secrets
Situations of Domestic Abuse
CHAPTER TEN: BURNING IS LEARNING: HOW YOUR NEW BOUNDARY MUSCLE WILL KEEP YOU STRONG AND SERENE FOR A LIFETIME
CHAPTER ELEVEN: PARTNERS BEYOND BETRAYAL: TRUST, GRATITUDE, AND FORGIVENESS
Will I Ever Trust Again?
Gratitude
Forgiveness
APPENDIX
5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
Boundary Evaluation
How to Take a Relational Time-Out in Six Steps
Talking Format and Request
Listening Format
Needs Inventory
Overview of the Boundary System
Stages of Healing for Partners of Sex Addicts
Suggested Recovery Check-In Items for Sex Addicts and Their Partners
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Love Addiction Test
RECOMMENDED READING
RESOURCES FOR PARTNERS OF SEX ADDICTS
