Читать книгу Family Of Convenience - Victoria W. Austin - Страница 12

Chapter Two

To Do:

Breathe

Get to know the children

Learn about farms—Livestock? Crops?

Is it better to live on a farm or a ranch?

Millie needed her notebook. Her pencil. And fifteen minutes alone to lose her composure without an audience. But, she was not going to get any of those things, so she concentrated on the scenery. It was, well, beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking in fact.

Funny, when she made her long list of pros and cons for marrying a total stranger, the place where he lived did not ever cross her mind. She was looking for security. Safety. To feel like she could breathe again. She’d have been willing to take up residence at the bottom of a coal mine as long as she could have those things. Millie would never, ever forget what it felt like when she realized that she was, indeed, pregnant and homeless. And without the skills to find a job. Dependent on the kindness of strangers in a world that had never been very full of kind strangers to Millie’s eye.

She tried to suppress a shiver, tightening her muscles viciously. She didn’t want Adam to see and ask if she was okay. And he would. She had already learned some things about her new husband.

Millie slowly relaxed her muscles, and refocused her eyes on the scene in front of her. Beautiful was still the primary word she could find to describe it. Yes, it was the same blue sky that had been above her in Saint Louis. But, the rest was revelation.

Gold-and-green grass, at least four feet tall, swayed in the wind. She was looking at a never-ending golden-green sea, in fact. There were waves. Honest-to-goodness waves. In grass. The ground was so straight here that the dark spots on the horizon could well be hundreds of miles away.

Her first impression off the train was that Marrison was small and remote and quaint. A little settling trying to be a town. And now she was going to live almost an hour away from even that small civilization. It didn’t seem possible, but the landscape just got more and more remote the farther they went.

Millie was used to being on her own. However, she wasn’t used to being in a place that felt so foreign. The Keller ranch had been right outside Saint Louis. Knowing she was near the city had made the location feel close. Familiar.

Not now, though. Millie was far from the rivers and bluffs and the buzz of the city that she’d known all her life. A whole new start in a whole new land. It was both one of the scariest and one of the most comforting things Millie had ever seen.

Her plan for how she would act in this new marriage had not accounted for all the details of her new reality. How could it, though? She’d never been to Kansas. Never lived on a farm.

But, she would figure it out. She always figured it out. Millie just needed to gather as much information as possible. She would ask questions. Pay attention to what everyone else was doing. Take notes. And then, she could make her plan.

Millie sat up straighter as Adam turned the wagon off the worn trail of dirt that she assumed counted as a main road out here. The new path they had turned onto barely looked like a path at all. Instead of a solid width of light brown dirt, the way was designated by yet more grass. The grass was just shorter than the golden-green ocean surrounding them.

There was also a parting of the waves, so to speak. The moving grass gave way to rectangles of what had to be crops. Millie didn’t know what was growing, but she saw the neat rows of dark earth and the green plants seemingly shooting up out of the ground. She also saw cattle and horses.

Millie couldn’t contain her excitement. Though the large animals frightened her, they also thrilled her. She had never seen such creatures up close before. Sure, there were horses in the city, not to mention plenty of them at the Keller ranch, but these horses looked bigger. Rougher. More fitting to the wild frontier she’d been told existed once a person traveled past Saint Louis. She could hear them. And, though it was strange and perhaps unpleasant, she could smell them—a stronger odor than she’d noted at the Kellers’ home, where she’d rarely been outside. Instead of being a picture through a frame, they were very much real.

“This is our land. We’re only about ten minutes from the house.”

Our land. He’d done that earlier today, too. Millie wondered at how Adam seemed to have no problem moving from being a widower to being completely married. He acted as though he was pleased to share everything he had worked for with her.

Or else, he was very good at pretending. Millie had known more than one man who could put on a grand show of being generous and kind in public while being secretly stingy or cruel behind closed doors.

You’re too cynical, Millie. There are good people in this world, who genuinely want to help others without any strings attached. You need to have a little faith.

Mrs. Thompson’s words echoed through Millie’s head. It wasn’t the first time they had made an appearance. It seemed as though they had done nothing but ricochet around since the pastor’s wife had said them.

“Well, what do you think?”

Millie realized that she could see buildings now. A small house. A barn. A couple of other structures whose function she couldn’t place. The house looked sturdy. There was a porch and couple of windows out front. Millie saw two rocking chairs, and the whole scene reminded her of a picture she had seen in a book about life on the prairie. Seeing essentially the same picture now, in living color, with sunshine and a breeze on her face, and the ambient noise of animals was nicer.

She had a place to live. Food. Her baby would not be born fatherless and on the streets. No. He or she would have a home and a family and would never know the experiences that plagued Millie’s own youth. That was what she had wanted. What she had planned for. And what she had accomplished. For uneducated street trash, Millie had done just fine for herself.

“Millie?”

Again, Adam touched her arm. Again, it struck her as shockingly gentle and overly familiar. Again, Millie found that she really liked it. A lot. That touch was dangerously appealing, making her head spin when she needed to be calm and rational.

“It looks nice. Really nice.”

“It’s bigger than it looks.”

Did he think she found his home to be too small?

“It looks like the perfect size. I don’t know what some of those buildings are.” Millie hated her ignorance. It seemed she had spent the entirety of her life in situations where she did not know what she needed to know. What she should have been taught as a child.

“That’s okay. I know it’s a change from the city.” Adam did not sound concerned that he had married a woman unfit to survive out here.

“I mean, I recognize the house. And the barn. But what are the others?”

“The long one behind the barn is the bunkhouse. It’s where the hired hands live. I only have a couple right now, but I built it big enough to house ten or so. I’ll need them someday.”

He sounded so confident. It soothed the edge of the fear Millie had been shoving down into her belly for the past few months. If he planned on hiring several hands, then he planned on paying them. And, if he planned on paying them, that meant he had money. And if he had money, then he had security.

“What about the others? The smaller ones?”

“One is a root cellar, for storing food. The other is a meat house.”

“I do know what those are, so don’t be too scared. I’ve been told I’m an excellent cook.” She had tried to play up her assets in her letter to him, but it never hurt to reiterate them. Besides, that part was the absolute truth.

“I’ll give you a tour once we say hello to the children.”

“Where are they?”

“Probably inside. Napping I’d guess, based on the time. Edith, a neighbor, is watching them for me. You’ll be a bit of a change, so we wanted to leave everything else as familiar as possible.”

“Are they going to be upset?” Millie had not really worried too much about that. They were so young, and she had every intention of being a good change. Millie might not know about men like Adam Beale, but she knew about children. She had never met a child that she couldn’t eventually win over. In fact, more than one matron in The Home had put her in charge of the younger kids because of her way with them.

“I told them where I was going, so they know that I am getting married and bringing home a wife. A mother.”

“A mother.” Millie’s voice was soft as reverence washed across her heart. She knew she would be a mother, but it had always felt like some future event. Even with the life growing in her womb, the reality of actually being a mother had always been in the category of someday.

Someday had come. She was a mother now. Right now.

Help me, Lord. Help.

She still felt silly talking in her head to God, but it was becoming increasingly instinctual. Millie’s faith was getting stronger every single day, no matter how much she tried to reason herself out of it. It had already saved her. Literally.

Millie had walked into a church a year ago out of some kind of curiosity she couldn’t contain. After making her list and determining it couldn’t do any harm to just see what the church looked like on the inside, she’d forced her legs to go up those steps and walk through the doorway. Mrs. Thompson had been inside. That action had put into motion a chain of events that had led to Millie being in Kansas about to face her new children for the first time. The Lord sure had a way of doing things.

“This is still what you want, isn’t it? It will be much harder to change your mind once you meet the children. I—”

“No, Adam. Don’t.” It was hard to speak past the panic that put spots in her vision. He thought she had changed her mind? He was going to take her back. But, back to what? She was so close to having a steady, stable home, and now it was all going to disappear. Like the mirages she had read about.

This time it was Millie who reached out and initiated touch. “I’m sorry, Adam. I don’t know what I said wrong, but I haven’t changed my mind. Please, don’t make me go back. Please.”

She was begging. Millie had gone from awe at the thought of being a mother to sheer, humiliating desperation in the span of a heartbeat. She had to fix this.

Adam immediately pulled on the reins and stopped the wagon. Was he getting ready to turn around and take her back?

* * *

How had this gone wrong so fast? He had been enjoying the day, enjoying watching Millie take in her new home. Then, he opened his mouth and ruined it all. Like always. Apparently, he hadn’t learned a single thing from his first wife leaving him.

Adam dropped the reins and turned to Millie. What would he have done with Sarah? He would have tried to hold her. Comfort her. Yeah. He needed to do the opposite of that. His instincts had proven to be disastrously wrong. He needed to change his course or he’d end up in the same place.

“Millie. Calm down.” Adam infused his voice with as much authority as he could manage. It seemed to work, because she stopped begging him to let her stay. She seemed to stop everything. The new Mrs. Beale seemed to have frozen. Her eyes were still wide with panic, but she was no longer gasping for breath. Instead, her breathing had become too shallow. Too still.

“Millie, breathe. Please. Just calm down. I have not changed my mind at all. Not even a little bit. I did not marry you on some whim. I knew what I was doing, and I’m standing by that decision.”

Statue Millie did not so much as blink. His instincts were wrong and apparently the opposite of his instincts were not much better. Maybe Adam was never meant to be in a successful relationship with a woman. Lots of men went through life single. It seemed as though Adam should have taken that path.

But, he hadn’t. And he had two incredible children as a result. Children he needed to provide for. Meant to be a family man or not, Adam had a family. He had a responsibility to those children to give them a real home—including a loving mother. And he would. If he could just figure out how.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re sure. I know you’re sure. If I thought you might change your mind, I never would have married you. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

She started breathing again. Finally. Finally, finally.

“Please. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m okay.” She didn’t sound okay, but she was moving and talking and that was more than statue Millie had been doing.

“It’s my fault, too. I overreacted. It was just a misunderstanding.”

Adam ran a hand down his face, feeling his body tremble slightly. This had spun out of control so fast. Too fast. Adam hated this feeling. He just wanted to move on.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it was.”

Millie just looked at him with her dark brown eyes. Adam tried to give her as much time as possible, to be as patient as possible. Patience had never been his strong suit.

“Are we okay? Edith probably heard us coming. I’m sure she’s waiting for us.”

Millie breathed a small breath and looked at the house. Then she looked at him and nodded. “Yes. We’re okay. Let’s go meet the children.”

Adam picked the reins back up and flicked them. The horses were well trained and did not need any more encouragement to finish the trip. They were probably looking forward to the familiar barn just as much as Adam was yearning to be back home. Even though he’d only been gone since early this morning, Adam had missed this place terribly.

They came up to the area between the house and barn, and the front door opened. Adam saw Edith standing there, smiling. Her husband was a good friend of Adam’s, and they were good neighbors. She had been excited for Adam to go and fetch his new bride.

Edith was holding Genie in her arms. Caty was standing next to her, one little fist buried in Edith’s apron. Adam jumped down from the wagon and hurried to help Millie down. He should probably face the children with Millie by his side, present them as a united front, but he could not help himself. Adam bounded up the stairs and knelt down in front of his little girl.

“Hi there, Caty-girl. Did you miss me? I missed you a whole lot.”

Caty let go of Edith’s apron and stepped into Adam’s arms. Adam stood, relishing as always the slight weight of his sweet girl in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. Adam let her hide for a moment.

He looked at Genie and smiled. “Hey there, bud. Did you miss me?”

Genie nodded, still looking a bit uncertain. Adam reached out with his free hand and brushed it affectionately over the top of his son’s head.

Adam turned and walked down the stairs, murmuring to Caty as he went. “Are you ready to meet Millie, Caty-girl? Remember I told you that I was going to come back with a woman. A new mother?”

Caty nodded slightly, but still did not lift her face from Adam’s neck. He came to a stop in front of Millie.

“Caty, sit up and say hi to Millie. She really wants to meet you.”

Caty lifted her head, but she still looked down at Adam’s chest instead of in Millie’s direction.

“Hi, Caty. I’m so happy to meet you. Your daddy told me all about you, and I am so excited to be here.” Millie’s tone was just right. Genuine and friendly without being too condescending.

Caty looked at Millie, and Millie smiled gently. The smile made dimples appear in her cheeks. How had Adam not noticed the dimples earlier? He found he really liked them.

Caty bit her lip, but her face lost some of its wariness. Her death grip on Adam lessened. His girlie was definitely curious about Millie, but not scared.

That was good. Adam turned to look at Edith.

“Do you and Genie want to come and meet Millie, Edith?”

Edith came down the stairs at once, a huge smile splitting her face. “I thought you’d never ask. Standing back quietly is not something I’m skilled at, Adam Beale, and I think I’ve exercised a lifetime’s amount of restraint in the last five minutes.”

That was Edith. Cheerful and exuberant. But, also a good friend. Willing to help anyone she encountered. He had been beyond blessed to have the Potters as neighbors.

Still holding Genie, Edith came up to Millie, leaned in and hugged her. Millie looked surprised, but she returned the brief embrace. Edith then turned and stood so that Genie was angled toward Millie.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Millie. We’ve been excited all day, waiting for your arrival. My husband and I are your closest neighbors here, and I can’t wait to get to know you. I just know we’ll be friends.”

Millie’s eyes were wide, and Adam almost laughed. She had no idea what was in store for her now that Edith Potter had decided they would be friends. Though Edith was probably a year or two younger than Millie, she had the kind of personality that charged in and took control of things. Edith’s husband, Mike, had said more than once that his wife was a tornado.

Adam set Caty on the ground, not surprised at all when he felt her move as close as possible to his legs. He stepped up and took Genie out of Edith’s arms. “Genie, this is Millie.”

Millie stepped closer to Adam and smiled at Genie. Given Genie’s place in Adam’s arms, the boy and Millie were almost eye level with one another. “Hi, Genie. Your daddy told me all about you, too. I’m very happy that I finally get to meet you.”

“Well, I’ve got my things all gathered together and loaded in the wagon. I think I’ll be on my way.” Edith was still grinning like a fool.

“I appreciate all your help, Edith. You don’t have to rush off right away, you know.”

“It wasn’t any trouble at all.” Edith looked over at Millie and smiled an encouraging smile. “Millie needs time to settle. Both into the house and with the children. Don’t get too excited about me being gone, though. I’ll come back in a few days. Just to see if I can help.”

Adam had no doubt that Edith would be back. Neighbors were scarce enough out here and opportunities for socializing were few. A woman near her own age for a neighbor? That had to feel like treasure to someone as outgoing as Edith.

“I’ll get your horses and hitch them.” Adam set Genie down by the women and walked into the barn, pausing in the cool shadows inside. He turned to watch the group.

Edith was talking to Millie, her lips never seeming to stop and her hands moving in motions that probably corresponded to her words. Millie was watching, but was not talking in response. Caty and Genie were just standing there. The awkwardness seemed to reach out and blanket the entire front yard.

Well, it was done. He had a wife. His children had a mother.

Please, God. Don’t let this have been another mistake.