Читать книгу A Satire Anthology - Wells Carolyn - Страница 36

A   SET of phrases learned by rote;

A passion for a scarlet coat;

When at a play, to laugh or cry,

Yet cannot tell the reason why;

Never to hold her tongue a minute,

While all she prates has nothing in it;

Whole hours can with a coxcomb sit,

And take his nonsense all for wit.

Her learning mounts to read a song,

But half the words pronouncing wrong;

Has every repartee in store

She spoke ten thousand times before;

Can ready compliments supply

On all occasions, cut and dry;

Such hatred to a parson’s gown,

The sight would put her in a swoon;

For conversation well endued,

She calls it witty to be rude;

And, placing raillery in railing,

Will tell aloud your greatest failing;

Nor make a scruple to expose

Your bandy leg or crooked nose;

Can at her morning tea run o’er

The scandal of the day before;

Improving hourly in her skill,

To cheat and wrangle at quadrille.

In choosing lace, a critic nice,

Knows to a groat the lowest price;

Can in her female clubs dispute

What linen best the silk will suit,

What colours each complexion match,

And where with art to place a patch.

If chance a mouse creeps in her sight,

Can finely counterfeit a fright;

So sweetly screams, if it comes near her,

She ravishes all hearts to hear her.

Can dexterously her husband tease,

By taking fits whene’er she please;

By frequent practice learns the trick

At proper seasons to be sick;

Thinks nothing gives one airs so pretty,

At once creating love and pity.

If Molly happens to be careless,

And but neglects to warm her hair-lace,

She gets a cold as sure as death,

And vows she scarce can fetch her breath;

Admires how modest woman can

Be so robustious, like a man.

In party, furious to her power,

A bitter Whig, or Tory sour,

Her arguments directly tend

Against the side she would defend;

Will prove herself a Tory plain,

From principles the Whigs maintain,

And, to defend the Whiggish cause,

Her topics from the Tories draws.