Читать книгу "Born of the Spirit;" or, Gems from the Book of Life - Zenas Osborne - Страница 6

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“Once I wandered in the maze of error,

In the downward road;

Oft my soul was filled with fear and terror

When I thought of God.

Jesus saw me rushing on to ruin,

Offered pardoning grace;

And I left the way I was pursuing,

Turned and saw his face.

Chorus—

Now I feel my sins forgiven,

Through th’ atoning blood,

And I have a blessed hope of heaven,

Glory be to God.

I am glad I ever found the Saviour,

Now I’m fully blest;

There are pleasures in His pardoning favor,

Joy, and peace, and rest.

I’m standing on the holy mountain,

Near Salvation’s pool,

And the waters from the bursting fountain

Cheer my thirsty soul.

I’ve left earth’s vain and fleeting pleasures,

Bade them all adieu;

And I’m seeking now for heavenly treasures,

Lasting, pure and true.

Glittering toys of time, farewell forever;

To you I’ll not bow;

I will leave my blessed Jesus never;

He’s my portion now.

I will tell Salvation’s pleasing story,

While I live below,

And I’ll try to spread my Saviour’s glory,

Everywhere I go.

When the word is from the Master given,

‘Child, from toiling cease,’

I expect to find a home in heaven,

Home of endless peace.”

When young, I was “trained up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Well do I recollect some of the first lessons taught me by my parents—such as “Our Father which art in heaven,” and “Now I lay me down to sleep,” and others of a like character. These were in the morn of life, printed upon memory’s tablet. I always believed there was a divine reality in the religion of Jesus Christ. I do not recollect a long time when the Spirit of God did not strive with me, and often powerfully; so that frequently I felt that I was the chief of sinners. I would often resolve to seek the Lord, and when the time came I would procrastinate for a more convenient season. Thus I grieved my heavenly Father for thirty-two long years.

I wonder that God spared my unprofitable life so long. My father was a lover of the truth, as it is in Christ Jesus. He had great respect for the Sabbath—hence the children were not allowed to play and frolic about on the Lord’s Day. I praise God for these early, godly impressions. Well do I recollect, when a very small child, sitting in my little chair, and singing with my father these beautiful lines, “O, how happy are they who their Saviour obey,” etc.

At the age of eight I went with my father to a quarterly meeting, held in a barn. While the saints were upon their knees in prayer, I was upon my knees calling upon the name of the Lord. I felt something going through me like lightning, producing a heavenly sweetness; also that I had suddenly been put in possession of wings, for I felt like flying. As I look back upon this scene, I have no doubt but that God’s blessing was upon me on that occasion. I was frequently under such deep conviction of sin that I could not sleep nights. These seasons of deep conviction continued with me until I was converted to God. After these seasons of conviction I became more hardened in sin. On several occasions I was brought near to death by disease, drowning, and in other ways. If being delivered from the jaws of death in a variety of ways is evidence of our election, then I am elected, for I have been thus delivered. I praise God that our election has a different foundation—even Jesus Christ—the Saviour of men.

At the age of twenty, I agreed with some of my associates to go forward to the mourners’ seat for prayers, as the preacher had said that the next night would close the meetings unless there should be a move among the sinners. We did not want the meetings to close, neither did we mean to get religion at that time. I loved to attend religious meetings, not because it was right, but to see and be seen, and to enjoy the society of kindred spirits. The night arrived in which we had agreed to make a move, to prevent the meetings from being broken up. Meetings had been run for several weeks, without any apparent success, until the night in which we had agreed to move. After preaching, the invitation was given to any wishing religion. One of the company went forward, and then another. I thought of my word; I had agreed to go. It was an awful moment with me. I thought that we were trifling with the Almighty. I would have given worlds, if I could, to be out of the scrape. I shook from head to foot, like Belshazzar of old. I was completely covered with sweat, so terribly was I exercised. The company had all gone; I was left. I started; had all I could do to get to the seat. God overruled this for His glory. Some twenty-five went forward that night. The meetings went on with power and profit. Many were converted to God. My condition was painful in the extreme. For several days after this I seemed to be on the boundary line between the two worlds, and about to be ushered into the everlasting burnings. Whenever I closed my eyes to sleep I seemed to be surrounded by the damned in hell. O, what a view I had of the lost! How I seemed to hear the wailings of despair, and realized that this was the doom of the wicked. After this I became more wicked than before. I was a complete adept in wickedness. I had been free from all parental restraint from the time I was about twelve years old. I mingled in all kinds of society; hence I had an excellent opportunity for learning much of the evil that exists at the present day. I learned too much.

I wonder that God did not cut me off in my sins, after grieving his spirit so long. He is not willing that any should perish. I had felt for several years that I should not have the strivings of the Spirit but once more, and then, if I did not yield, I should be left to myself, abandoned of God.

On the fifth of February, 1857, God met me in the road. These words came with great force to my mind: “Choose you this day whom ye will serve. Come, decide the matter now. If you mean to serve the devil the remainder of your life, say so right here. Have this matter settled forever. If you mean to give yourself to God, do it now! This is the time.”

These were awful moments to me. “Choose you this day whom ye will serve.” I was pressed to a decision. My immortal spirit seemed to balance between heaven and hell. Heaven, with all that is lovely, joys immortal forever at God’s right hand, seemed to be clearly presented on the one hand; and the damnation of hell on the other. Which will you have? I resolved from that time, henceforth and forever, to seek after and serve God with all my redeemed powers. That evening I erected a family altar, and commenced calling upon the name of the Lord. The next morning I thanked God for keeping me and mine through the night; and when seated around the table I thanked God for the food prepared for us. This was really a great cross. I had vowed to God, the residue of my life should be spent in His service. I continued to seek the Lord by doing everything I thought a Christian ought to do. I made it a specialty to get religion. I cried unto the Lord with all my heart, and the more I prayed the worse I felt. For three days and nights I was wrestling with God in prayer. I confessed my sins. I did all that I could. After continuing in this way for about three days, it occurred to me that there was no mercy for me. I had sinned away the day of grace. These were truly awful moments to me. No hope! No mercy! No salvation! Right here the spirit whispered to my aching heart, “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved;” and blessed be God, right here I was enabled to believe that Jesus Christ was my Saviour. My weight of guilt was gone. Joy and peace filled my heart. Old things had passed away, and behold! all things had become new. I sprang to my feet and praised God aloud! At this point in my experience, my feelings are well described in those beautiful lines of Dr. Hunter:

Sinking and panting, as for breath,

I knew not help was near me,

And cried, “O, save me, Lord, from death!

Immortal Jesus, hear me!”

Then, quick as thought, I felt Him mine,

My Saviour stood before me!

I saw his brightness round me shine,

And shouted, Glory! Glory!

Oh, sacred hour! Oh, hallowed spot!

Where love divine first found me;

Wherever falls my distant lot,

My heart shall linger round thee!

And when from earth I rise to soar

Up to my home in heaven,

Down will I cast my eyes once more,

Where first I was forgiven.