Читать книгу The Scroll of Anatiya - Zoë Klein - Страница 10

From the lip of my dwelling-place

I can see Jerusalem, white as snow,

gold light gleaming as a crown

on its rooftops,

curling and spilling into the streets,

2and at night, the moon

casts a spidery web over the city,

silver and deep blue,

in which lovers and falling stars

become entangled.

3Around the walls I can see men pitching tents.

They have weapons in their stocks

and they bide their time.

4As the day declines

and the shadows of evening grow long,

they gather around fires and make plans.

5Jerusalem knows what is coming,

and she waits there royally

and mightily.

6Nowhere are the shadows of evening more alluring.

Her stones are strangely tranquil.

7Long ago, when the followers of Korach offered offerings to the Lord

upon fire pans, the Lord’s fire consumed them whole.

8And yet, even in the midst of the charred corpses and wailing,

the fire pans became holy.

9This is the secret the stones of Jerusalem know:

When the fortress is destroyed

and wickedness purged,

after the burning and the bloodlust,

even in the midst of the charred remains, 10the stones

will be holy

and eternal.

11Thus says Anatiya:

Here I am hidden

in the cleft of the rock.

12O God, let Your goodness pass before me!

Let Your hand shield me from Your radiance,

let me gaze safely from behind

tendrils of vines!

13I have run like a gazelle

swiftly away from my love.

14I was afraid of being consumed like firewood

in this furnace of desire.

15It heats my chest and dries my throat.

It leaps and licks at my belly

in tiny tightened fists.

I cannot hold it in.

16I was afraid it would pour out,

hot as the mouth of the Leviathan,

that eruptive, boiling cauldron.

17Better I surrender to the cool and dank

than show my need, this monstrous thing.

18My sneezes flash lightning,

firebrands stream from my mouth,

and my breath ignites coals,

eyes glimmering red as dawn

~wrote Anatiya.

19I have acted shamefully

with nothing but greed in my heart.

20I wanted to eclipse You, God,

with my little pursed lips,

and a shrug of narrow shoulder.

21But is there not room enough in man

for the love of Heaven and the

affections of a mortal woman?

Or is the heart to small to bear it?

22O God! All is not well

with the way You have made us!

23Put me back, Majestic Creator,

Put me back into his breast!

I want my place by his heart.

24O, let Jeremiah be the first complete man

since Adam, with all of his ribs in place,

and let me be the one to complete him.

25I am almost bone as it is, dear Lord.

Open the spot while he sleeps

and bury me inside

~wrote Anatiya.

26I have run like a gazelle

swiftly away from my love

because I was afraid of the coldness

that seized my ankles

when I fell and he did not turn.

27I felt as if I were a strand of hair on his head

that had become detached.

28A hair that had come loose and slipped

from among his beautiful locks

rolling down his back,

Good-bye Jeremiah!

29I felt as insignificant,

as meaningless as a single hair

shed from a rich, black mane,

as unimportant.

30I am sick for you still.

I chew on my fingers in my anxiety.

Dear God! 31My stubbornness refuses to let me go,

though I pine for the shelter of his shadow.

32I will wait many moons

and waste away

on berries and mushrooms and grassy teas

and stare flat-eyed at the Eastern gate.

33And if You should make for me this sign,

I will know there is a secret meaning

to my unclaimed life, and I shall be happy

to return to my shepherd and my love.

34And the sign shall be this:

He shall walk through that gate

and the pink morning light will cast over him a blush.

35He will take a razor to his head and shear away his locks

and cast them away, and they shall sweep upward to me,

every strand of hair. 36Then I will know that he knows.

I will know I have been destined

to cherish him, here-ever, here-after,

as witness and hidden disciple,

whisper and caress.