Читать книгу Our Twelve Traditions - Группа авторов - Страница 9

January 2014

When I first got to AA, I did not have any understanding of what the Steps could do for me, or how critical the Traditions are for the life of the group. But I knew in my heart that I needed meetings desperately. I knew that I was living from meeting to meeting the same way I had lived from bottle to bottle.

The First Tradition was a difficult concept for me. Having grown up in an alcoholic household, I learned never to trust anyone, never to let anyone see that I was scared, and never to let anything get in the way of what I wanted. Lying and stealing were what I did best (next to drinking), and I was secretly proud of my ability to manipulate and connive. The concept of a “common welfare” was totally alien to me, and to be expected to put the needs of others in front of my own was almost laughable. However, I was motivated by a desperation I can only describe as God-given, because without the certain knowledge that I was spiraling toward a very ugly death, I would never have been moved to accept those ideas. And I did accept them. I made a decision to accept this Tradition the same way I accepted the truth of the First Step, not because I fully understood all the implications and recognized their validity, but because I was desperate and I believed these were the only things that could save me.

I understood that the First Step was my lifeline to this program, and the First Tradition was the lifeline for the group. I understood that my recovery depended on AA unity. I even began to understand that it was just as important to me that others recovered because, for the first time in my life, I realized that I needed other people.

What I learned from the First Tradition changed the way I viewed the world and hence the way I interacted with others. Since this was the first time I looked at other people as important, and not as enemies, I had to learn to listen to them. This was pretty difficult for someone like me. But as I got better at it, I was surprised to learn that there were an awful lot of smart, funny, nice people around. And people started to talk to me, and not just to say, “You keep coming, honey.”

I learned to see the bigger picture, meaning AA beyond the groups I attended. I began to see the global power of AA, and I was able to trust AA to be my Higher Power. I have heard it said at meetings that when God sees the tiniest spark of willingness in your heart, he sends a thousand angels rushing to your side. Being able to accept AA as my Higher Power was that tiny spark of willingness, which opened my heart to hope. For me, this was the first gift of Tradition One. I had hope that this precious Fellowship would endure and that I could endure with it.

Another gift was the ability to work alongside others, whether it was to make coffee, reach out to a newcomer, or be a parent and a partner. (Truth be told, the parent and partner part was a long, slow process.) It didn’t happen overnight, but I came to realize that I was having conversations with people during the break or while doing service. For the very first time in my life I knew the joy of being one among many, a worker among workers. For the very first time in my life I belonged somewhere, and it was in AA. I learned that putting AA ahead of myself didn’t mean that I was “less than,” it meant that I was part of. My greatest hope is that that never changes, and my greatest joy is that I know it never has to.

Kathleen D.

Shirley, New York