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Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

I noticed that when I ask people to praise themselves at least three times, the next day, many people say that they did it only once or twice. When I began to ask them to praise themselves at least fifteen times, everything changed. Now it seems to be so simple to say something kind to yourself five times.

There is a good saying. Unfortunately, I have no idea who said it, but I’d like to share it with you: “It is better to aim for the stars and hit the top of the mountain than to aim for the mountain and hit the dirt.”

Another thing: it’s very important to write down all the praises. Just thinking about them is not enough.

A well-known personal growth expert Barrett Brown researched how the most successful people develop their personality. He identified three patterns that are common to all of them.

First, they meditated. Some people did yoga, the others – qigong, some used awareness practice or daily practice of prayer, and so on.

Secondly, they all kept a diary. They made daily records of their achievements, insights, asked themselves questions, and answered them.

Thirdly, everyone had a coach, mentor, or friend with whom they discussed how they were moving towards the goal.

Despite being very busy, they found time to do it.

It just so happens that most people use to scold themselves. If I gave you the task to scold yourself five times, then (as I often heard) there would be no difficulty. And the scolding would sound sincere, with appropriate intonations. When a person praises himself, the tone is not always entirely sincere. It is usually playful, sometimes even cynical. It is known that intonation affects us much stronger than words. Therefore, while doing this exercise, try to praise yourself sincerely, even for very modest achievements.

I have seen many times that even such simple exercise helped people to improve self-esteem. And it is self-esteem that determines our well-being, how we treat others, and how we operate in life. This exercise can be made more complicated. To do this, you need a person who won’t let you “escape”.

It can be a person who desires to lose weight, except for your relatives. They are not suitable for this role. You agree with this person that every evening for ten days you will talk by phone or e-mail each other listing ten points of your “achievements” – good things that you have done today. The key challenge is that you can’t say the same thing twice. So, you’ll get one hundred achievements for ten days! It usually becomes difficult after the twentieth point, but after the fortieth one, on the contrary, all the difficulties disappear.

In doing so, you immediately engage three vital areas: you will practice awareness and self-observation, keep a diary, and discuss it with a friend.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

– Do you think it’s possible to take all the negative emotions away from your life?

– No.

– Can we eliminate negative emotions relative to our eating behavior?

– Yes.

– Of course, there is no room for them. I feed myself regularly, praise and love myself, nurture myself. What do we get then instead of self-pity?

– Pride!

– Even better than that. Mila, what do you think?

– Self-respect.

– What else? Any ideas?

– Love to yourself.

– Recently, this word has become a bit overworked. It is written almost on every fence, in every book, newspaper and magazine. They all persuade you that you need to love yourself, and then everything will be fine. But nobody says how to do it.

How do you love your kids? You take care of them. Loving yourself in practical terms is about taking care of yourself. Self-nurturing suggests that you should spend some resources for yourself. What recourses? Time, money and energy.