Читать книгу Easy Way to Get And Stay Slim. Mindset For Weight Loss - A. Ovechkin - Страница 21

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Nonconstructive methods can be used in communication if a person hasn’t got any problems. But this doesn’t occur often. A person often does not realize that he has some kind of problem! He believes that he is always late because of some embarrassing chain of events. If he is overweight, this it’s caused by bad genes. The person has no willpower to reduce food consumption and give up unhealthy habits. He blames the disruption of the endocrine system and anything else – except himself. As usual, this problem does not bother him. But when it affects others, they are trying to the point that to him in every possible way. People begin to use the following communication patterns, which ultimately do not lead to an awareness of the problem. If there is no awareness, then there is no solution, either.

The following are the methods of communication that we use in everyday life.

Nonconstructive methods of communication with a problematic person

1. Pushing a person to the independent solution of the problem:

– order;

– warning, threat;

– preaching;

– advice, proposals, interpretation;

– using logical arguments, lecturing.

2. Underlining of weaknesses and fails:

– criticism, accusation;

– the practice of naming and shaming;

– diagnosis, interpretation.

3. Attempt to improve well-being:

– praise, positive evaluation;

– consolation, encouragement.

4. Wrong questions:

– questions to gather additional information;

– questions to get away from the problem.

There are constructive means of conducting a conversation. They allow us to hear the person and understand his problem. The one who can listen is the best talker. These methods are presented below. We will learn to listen to each other and ourselves during our session.

Constructive methods of communication with a problematic person

1. Passive listening:

– keeping silence;

– empathic approval (“Uh-huh,” “Yeah, I understand,” nodding);

– “Gate-opening” (“Your story was so interesting. Would you mind to tell me something else?”).

2. Active listening:

pronouncing (the interlocutor repeats word for word statement of the partner. However, he can start with introductory phrases:

“From what I understand…”, “In other words…”, “In your opinion…”);

– paraphrasing (the interlocutor reproduces the statement of the partner in short, generalized form, summarizing the most significant things in his words. He can start with introductory phrases: “As I understood, your main ideas are…”, “So…”);

– the interlocutor tries to derive a logical consequence from the statements of the partner or to put forward an assumption regarding the reasons for the statement of the partner. At the same time, he can begin with an introductory phrase (“If we proceed from what you said, then it turns out that…”, “Apparently, you think so because…”).

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I was very lucky with the group. There were only nine of us, as it was a morning group. I felt like a part of the team. There was a pleasant and comfortable atmosphere. The others were very understanding. I was finally able to talk about things that bothered me. I listened to others and realized that I was not the only one in the world facing this problem. We’ve got everything in the class: laughter, tears, and interesting discussions. I went out inspired, charged with a lot of positive energy. That’s when I understood: “I can do it!”