Читать книгу Shall We Sing a Song For You? - Alex Shaw - Страница 7

It’s a bright spring morning in 2009 as hordes of Manchester United fans descend on Old Trafford, ready for a battle on – and off – the pitch with arch-rivals Liverpool. Expectant supporters shuffle past the glut of burger vans and horse manure as the big kick-off approaches. There is nothing quite like walking among a sea of strangers, all united in a shared and overwhelming passion for following your team.

Passion can be expressed in a variety of ways. While our long-suffering other halves yearn for a little more attention, one commitment we can all manage is the chance to travel the length and breadth of the country in order to follow our heroes.

And who wants to spend Saturdays window-shopping with ’er indoors when we can hail hardworking midfielders from South Korea?

Park, Park, wherever you may be

You eat dogs in your own country!

It could be worse, you could be Scouse!

Eating rats in your council house!

The tuneful United fans love to sing this heartwarming take on ‘Lord of the Dance’ whenever their rivals up the East Lancs Road descend on Sir Matt Busby Way. In this instance, however, Liverpool had the last laugh, as they beat their bitter rivals 4–1 at Old Trafford. All of a sudden, with United’s supporters stunned into silence, the stadium rang with Liverpool fans’ tongue-in-cheek chant:

Rafa’s cracking up! He’s cracking up!

He’s cracking up! He’s cracking!

Rafa’s cracking up!

Liverpool manager Benitez had become a laughing stock with his infamous ‘Fact’ rant in January 2009, leading the United supporters to adapt England’s Euro ’96 anthem ‘Three Lions’, with its ‘Football’s Coming Home’ chant, to voice their opinion that the Spaniard had lost it. But football has a habit of leaving you disappointed, and when Benitez’s men thumped United in March 2009 at Old Trafford, it gave the Merseysiders the chance to bask in the glory of a resounding victory, and they made sure they let everyone know about it.

Political correctness is not something you would associate with us football fans, with our quick wit capable of raising a laugh or two on match-days. Dog is considered a delicacy in Park Ji-Sung’s home country, South Korea, and the subject of food often provides supporters with a rich array of humorous anecdotes to belt out from the stands.

Scotland, a country famed for deep-frying just about anything, may lack the credentials to be a powerful footballing force on the pitch, but the Tartan Army are up there with the best of them when it comes to supporting their team. Witness the ‘We’re gonna deep fry your frogs’ legs’ chant, sung when the Scots played France in a Euro 2008 qualifier. Absolutely cracking stuff, and another example of when football fans unite for the greater good and give us all a laugh.

Football provides us with an opportunity to put down our rivals, eulogise about the new defensive sensation from Suriname and, in the case of Chelsea supporters, let everyone know about their slightly erotic fixation with celery. It’s a question of expression, whether you’re sitting in Rushden’s Nene Park singing ‘Knight Fever’ or standing in the Kop belting out ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, we all love a good sing-song, never more so than when our tunes get right up our rival fans’ noses.

Throughout this book you will find a collection of the funniest and weirdest football chants, from the ‘Hero Worship’ section right up to ‘Doing the 92’, featuring chants from every club in the English Football League. And if you still want more, scoot on over to ‘Extra Time’, which features a tribute to the late, great, Sir Bobby Robson, along with some cracking quotes from seasons gone by.

Unfortunately, our hatred for our opponents can, occasionally, just get a little out of hand, and we’ll be examining the nastier side of football in the ‘X-Rated’ section of the book. Sometimes fans cross the line, and we’ll be trying to understand why they do. However, although some of the darker chants give the majority of football supporters a bad name, we should not all be tarred with the same brush – most of us just want to enjoy a good game of football (which is often easier said than done, depending on what team you support…) and indulge in some light-hearted banter.

So sit back, clear your throat and get ready to belt out all the hits from yesteryear right up to the present day.

And just remember: the referee’s a wanker.