Читать книгу Guilt: The Sunday Times best selling psychological thriller that you need to read in 2018 - Amanda Robson, Amanda Robson - Страница 24

Jude, I don’t like to admit it but the cutting turned me on. I am disgusted with myself. How could hurting the woman I love make me feel hot? You can’t imagine that, can you? Maybe it’s because it made me feel part of her. But it’s not going to happen again. I am going to help her to stop. You must know I can’t bear to hurt someone else I love. Not again.

I walk across the bedroom and reach for my diazepam. I sit, head in hands, waiting for it to calm me. I close my eyes and see you all once again on the driveway, waiting for me to get the car out of the garage.

The turn of Mother’s head. Father smiling, putting his fingers to his mouth and stroking his moustache. You stand there looking at me, afternoon sun shining from behind your head like a halo. That is how I think of you sometimes. Like an angel shining down at me from heaven, surrounded by the flowers that lined the driveway: lupins, dahlias, delphiniums. I couldn’t even bear to keep the flowers that grew there. I removed them. The driveway is surrounded by shrubs and bushes now. No colour at all.