Читать книгу Across The Line - Amy Lee Burgess - Страница 6

Chapter 2

Fee’s hip bones protruded alarmingly above the waistband of her blue-and-white striped bikini panties. She wore a short blue robe, untied, over them. How had she gotten so thin?

Any weight she’d gained from her pregnancy had melted away and then some. She was so scrawny I probably could have pushed her over with one finger.

I rocked in the chair by the window. Murphy brought the rocker home one afternoon shortly after Will’s birth so Fee would have a place to nurse him in the middle of the night.

Will was in my arms, fussy and hungry, but freshly washed and changed. I’d bathed him while Fee showered. Halfway through Will’s bath in the kitchen sink, Murphy had returned from the store with a bag of groceries. He’d looked marginally less exhausted, and he’d shaved, but all the sleep in the world couldn’t erase the weight of the sorrow he carried.

“I’ll take him,” said Fee as she padded across the hardwood floor and tossed her damp towel across the unmade bed. Her sandy blond hair was wet against the side of her thin cheek, and she pushed it away impatiently.

“You can finish dressing,” I told her. Will was a barrier between me and the morning. As long as I could hold him, I didn’t have to get dressed and take the pack bond.

I’d woken with a sour, churning stomach and a dry mouth I’d tried to fix with chamomile tea, to no avail. Holding the baby helped. Small and frail, he was someone I could protect and keep safe. He’d need a sitter while Fee and the rest of the adult pack attended the hunt. Why couldn’t the sitter be me?

“Nah. I’d just have to take half it off again to feed him, wouldn’t I?” She gave me a lopsided smile which didn’t reach her greeny-gold eyes. I smiled back at her to show there were no hard feelings from the night before, though I was pretty sure she didn’t even remember how bitchy she’d been to me.

With reluctance, I shifted Will in my arms so I could pass him to her. She surprised me when she reached out a hand to touch my face.

“I love you like a sister. You know that, don’tcha?”

“Of course,” I answered. “Right back at you, Alpha.”

I listened to her croon an Irish song to her son as Will nursed while I threw on jeans and a turtleneck sweater. It didn’t matter what the hell I wore to the hunt—I’d only have to take it off to shift. But maybe there was a ceremony or something for the pack bond part.

In the kitchen, Murphy was stirring a pan of scrambled eggs. His attire was no help—jeans and a sweater.

Ah, fuck it. I’d change if he and Fee dressed up, but I could eat breakfast in jeans. If I could eat. My stomach gave another ominous churn. I found my mug of tea on the table and took a hasty sip. Cold. Barf.

“You’re my rock, you know that?” Murphy kept his attention focused on the eggs, so he missed my shocked stare. “I’ll take you to that French restaurant soon, I swear, Stanzie.”

“How did you know?” I hadn’t told him in case things hadn’t worked out. Good call on my part because they hadn’t.

“Restaurant called to confirm the reservations last night,” he said. I winced. Damn. Why hadn’t I taken my cell phone into the bedroom?

“There will be other times.” I headed for the electric kettle to boil more water. Cold chamomile tea was disgusting.

“But we’ll have to wait a whole year for it to be our anniversary again,” he said, and a flood of warmth rushed through me. He remembered. I hadn’t been sure he would. It was not as if our bonding had been all hearts and flowers romantic. He’d done it to save my ass from Councilor Celine Ducharme. We hadn’t even slept in the same bed the first night. He’d been fleeing the ghost of Sorcha, and I’d ended up drunk and sad on a bottle of champagne. Fun times. But still, he remembered.

“Pack don’t celebrate anniversaries like Others do. It’s not a big deal, Murphy.”

He took the kettle out of my hands and set it down on the dark granite counter so he could hug me. In the cocoon of his arms, I felt safe. Loved. How long had it been since we’d hugged each other? I couldn’t even remember.

I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his unique, beloved scent. Autumn wind and leather. God, I loved this man.

“You’ve been so damn patient, Stanzie. I keep waiting for you to get angry, but you never do.” His mouth was so close to my ear, the warmth of his breath sent shivers down my spine.

“Angry about what?” I was honestly confused.

“You see? That’s why you’re my rock. Everyone in this damned pack is falling to pieces expecting me to pick them up and put them back together but you don’t. You suffer just as much, more even, and you don’t come crying to me to be fixed.”

I swallowed past an obstruction in my throat. So many times I’d wanted to cry in his arms, and let him cry in mine, but Fee or their mother, Siobhan, or any number of Mac Tire pack members had always gotten there first.

“I know you don’t want to take the pack bond, but I can’t wait. They’ll turn to Colm after that. Colm and Deirdre because they know Fee’s too close to the grief. I’m walking such a fine line, honey. I try to send them to Colm, but they won’t go.”

I hadn’t thought of the pack bond from that perspective. Nor had I considered Murphy might be uneasily aware he was close to usurping Colm’s position as Alpha. In times of crises and grief, a pack member’s natural inclination was to turn to his Alpha, but they’d been turning to Murphy. But the realization they hadn’t also turned to Colm and Deirdre was new to me.

That had to be a dilemma for Murphy. Another one. More than ever, I was glad I hadn’t added my neediness to his already heavy load.

“I guess they remember what a wonderful Alpha you were.” I brushed my fingers along the side of his face and his lashes swept his cheeks.

“You’ll be fine today, Stanzie,” he told me when he opened his dark eyes. “You and your wolf.”

For a shiny moment I even believed him. No wonder the whole damn pack turned to him.

* * * *

The moment the three of us alighted from Murphy’s black BMW, a crowd of jostling pack members surrounded us. Intent on getting to Fee, Murphy or both, I soon found myself on the outside of the cluster.

I took Will in his car seat out of the BMW and shouldered his diaper bag. The kids of the pack, including the more responsible teens who would not be shifting, were inside the castle and would watch over the baby during the hunt.

I shuddered when I looked at the cold gray stones of Mac Tire’s castle. Technically, it belonged to the Ireland and UK Mac Tire packs, who contributed to its upkeep. Also a safe house, both the Regional and Great Councils paid into the funds used for taxes, grounds keeping, and general repairs.

But the Dublin pack truly owned it. We shifted here on the private land that abutted the Donadea Forest Park.

I hadn’t been here since Paddy’s funeral. I’d come here after his murder, broken and grieving, to attend the tribunal of the man who helped kill him. Murphy and Fee’s father, Glenn, tried to strangle me on the main staircase and if not for Ryan Kelly knocking him down the steps where Glenn broke his neck, I would be dead too.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the damn castle.

Gwenith McCarthy, one of the pack’s young teens, rushed down the gravel walkway, her face aglow. She adored babies and I let her take Will and his diaper bag so she could coo over him as she walked back to the castle.

The day was cold and dismal and I thought about lecturing Gwenith over her lack of a jacket, but couldn’t find the heart. She loved babies so much. I didn’t want to burst her happy bubble. Christ knew, I wished I had one.

The pack gathered in the front courtyard. No one but the kids went inside the castle.

Every step I took seemed to take more and more effort. On the castle steps, Colm’s bright red hair shone even in the muted November daylight and he had one large, muscled arm around frail Deirdre Collins’s shoulders. She was nearly six months pregnant and the round bump of her belly swelled beneath her tight blue winter coat. Paddy’s death at least ensured Deirdre’s baby would live because Fee bonded with her and Colm after the funeral.

Only Alphas could have children. Deirdre discovered she was pregnant a few days before Paddy’s murder. She’d been scheduled to have an abortion until Grandfather Mick’s knife ended Paddy’s life and reign as Alpha.

Sour bile rose in my throat. Had they made the pack bond elixir yet? Didn’t they need Fee’s blood too? Maybe Colm took her blood yesterday. Shouldn’t it be fresh? What would it taste like? Hopefully not as vile as my father’s blood mixed with herbs had tasted when I drank it to break his pack bond.

What would the new bond feel like inside me? Would it chain my wolf the way my father’s shackled her?

Panic, white-hot and nauseating, gathered into a fist in the pit of my stomach. Oh God, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t willingly swallow any Alpha’s blood and chain my wolf to his and the others in the pack. No.

I darted into the bushes beside the gravel path and puked. My legs went out from beneath me and I crouched on the gravel so it dug into my kneecaps. The brittle sticks of a winter-sleeping bush scraped at my cheek. I spewed again, half-digested chunks of eggs and toast, and the smell made me gag.

“Mother of God, tell me you haven’t gone and gotten yourself pregnant,” scolded someone I knew well. And dreaded. Siobhan Carmichael—Murphy and Fee’s mother. She hated me. Hated me for bonding with her son. Hated me more for causing her bond mate Glenn’s death. She thought he’d had a heart attack under the strain of the tribunal which I’d called against Declan Byrne. She had no clue he’d been knee deep in the violent faction within the Guardians and contributed not only to Paddy’s death, but to his son’s bond mate’s years earlier. If she had, she’d probably hate me even more. She was like that. Irrational and mean as dirt.

“I’m not pregnant, Siobhan.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and wished I had a breath mint. A cough drop. Some damn thing to rinse the taste of puke from my mouth.

“Are you sick? You pick a hell of a time to come down with a virus. Have you passed it along to my grandson? He’s too little to be sick, you selfish twat.”

“I’m not sick.,” I spat into the bushes. “Do you happen to have a breath mint or some gum?”

She rummaged in her purse and came up with a stick of what smelled like spearmint chewing gum.

Grateful for the opportunity to clear the vile taste from my mouth, I hastily unwrapped the stick and shoved it in my mouth.

Siobhan wrinkled her delicate nose as surprise dawned in her eyes. Her expression turned suspicious.

“You’re not sick. You’re scared spitless. Of what?”

I chewed the gum and swallowed until the taste of bile was gone.

“Taking the pack bond.” I braced myself. Her hazel eyes narrowed. Here it came.

“It’s nothing to be scared of, you silly bitch. Didn’t Liam and Fee explain this to you?”

“I know all about pack bonds.” My chin jutted. God, this woman was infuriating. I tried so hard to like her because she was Murphy’s mother, but just couldn’t do it.

“Then you know they’re nothing to shiver and shake about. Nothing to puke about either,” she said, her tone derisive.

“Look, I have my reasons. Thanks for the gum.” I tried to walk past her, but she grabbed my elbow and spun me around to face her. She and I were nearly the same height, but she was strong and scrappy. Every goddamn member of Mac Tire was a fighter. Except for me. I hadn’t grown up brawling for fun. The Irish baffled me at the best of times. Just my luck, I’d fallen head over heels for an Irish bond mate.

“What are your reasons?” Her gaze was flat and unconvinced, as if I was full of shit and she just couldn’t wait to call me on it.

I spat out the gum and wished I had the guts to punch her.

“When I was a year and a half old, the red virus swept through my birth pack,” I said and she was thrown for a moment. She hadn’t expected to hear something like that. I half anticipated her to argue or ask me what the hell the red virus had to do with pack bonds. Only everything.

“Half my pack died and in desperation, my father, the Alpha, forged a pack bond with the ones left because he’d heard the pack bond promoted healing.”

Understanding flickered in the hazel depths of her eyes. Siobhan Carmichael was in her fifties, but thanks to Pack genetics could pass easily for early thirties. She was damn good looking. Like Murphy in female form. Her face always threw me. She looked so much like Murphy, I expected her to be like Murphy. Only she wasn’t.

“He gave it to the children too because some of us had the virus. I was sick and I was the fifteenth generation in the pack. I know that means shit to packs like Mac Tire who go back a thousand years, but it was pretty damn significant to us. Mayflower is the third oldest pack in America. I’m not such a provincial little nothing like you think, Siobhan. I have a pedigree, maybe not as much of one as you, but I’ve got one.”

“I haven’t got a pedigree. I come from a tiny pack in Northern Ireland that isn’t even in existence anymore. It only lasted three generations. Mine was the last and when I left to bond with Glenn, I pretty much sounded the death knell for the damn pack. When I bonded with him, my entire pack joined with Mac Tire. So you’ve got me beat, if you think how many generations you can count from the founding members of a pack mean anything. Go on with your story, damn you. Your idiot father gave children the pack bond. That’s not right. It wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference to children because the pack bond doesn’t activate until you shift after you take it.” Siobhan’s laugh was harsh and yet, was there a touch of sympathy in there somewhere?

I tried not to show her I was surprised at her confession. I’d figured her for the bluest of blue bloods. “They were desperate. But it does make a difference when the children grow up and shift for the first time with someone in the pack.”

“How the hell could that be?” She frowned. “By the time you grew up enough to shift, your father would have long since ceased being Alpha. Small packs keep the Alpha status longer, don’t they? But twenty years? Wasn’t there an entire generation between that lost an opportunity to have children?”

“He wasn’t Alpha by the time I shifted the first time. He just never dissolved the pack bond even when he stepped down,” I said.

Siobhan whispered in horror, “But that’s evil, Stanzie. Against Pack law.”

I nodded. Tell me about it. “Anyway, I never shifted with anyone from my pack. It’s a long story. I ran away with someone from a different pack and we joined Riverglow and my pack bond was never activated.”

“I don’t understand.” Of course she didn’t. What my father had done was monstrous and unheard of. He’d not only not dissolved the pack bond, he’d given it to children.

“You know my wolf wasn’t normal,” I said and her breath hissed between her teeth as she sucked in a mouthful of air.

She’d been so angry at me because I’d kept Murphy from returning to Mac Tire after we’d bonded. We’d worked on my wolf together. He’d been afraid to bring me and my wolf to his pack for fear of what my wolf might do in a big pack. Rules existed that she didn’t know and wouldn’t have followed or understood even if she had. Siobhan had been less than tolerant about the whole thing.

“The pack bond?” Siobhan guessed. “It interfered somehow with your wolf?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s broken now and my father was exiled. So much for my pedigree. I come from a fucked-up pack and my family is the most fucked-up branch of it. The only time my wolf’s ever been normal was Paddy’s funeral. I haven’t shifted since and I’m afraid, that if I take another pack bond, she’ll be like she was. I know it’s irrational and I know I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t help how I feel.” Tears choked me and I bit my lip, miserably aware I was on the edge. “Now tell me how stupid I am. Go on, you know you want to.”

Siobhan stared at me for a long moment. “Fee knows the whole story, doesn’t she? Liam as well?”

I nodded. What the hell was she waiting for? I’d bared my throat and she had me down. All she had to do now was rip me to pieces. I’d given myself to her on a freaking platter.

Angry blotches appeared on Siobhan’s cheeks. “The idiots. What the fuck were they thinking? They weren’t, that’s the truth of it. Colm and Deirdre have no clue, do they?”

Was she angry at her children? Not me? What alternate universe had we been sucked into? “I don’t think so,” I managed to choke out. Goddamn tears. I always cried at the most inopportune moments.

“You wait here. Don’t you move and don’t you puke again, you poor thing.” Siobhan whirled and stormed down the gravel path toward the courtyard.

Poor thing? Huh?

Alarmed, I tried to call her back, but she ignored me. Over the past few months, she’d gotten very good at ignoring me. Unless she specifically wanted to skewer me with unkind words, she pretended I didn’t exist. Was she actually going to go rip Murphy and Fee new assholes? On my behalf? And I was stuck out in the cold and supposed to wait? The woman was diabolical even when she apparently wanted to help.

“Shit,” I muttered and kicked some loose gravel. I wrapped my arms around myself. Right on cue, a gust of cold autumn wind attacked. My hair blew into wild witch snarls as dead leaves rattled down the path around my boots.

A cold stone bench tucked into a hedge more brown than green provided scant protection, but I retreated to it anyway. The chill from the stone penetrated through my jeans and I shivered. Shifting was going to be a bitch those few moments when we were naked and in this form. The temperature wouldn’t matter a damn once we’d achieved wolf form, but I didn’t relish freezing my ass off in the interim. I didn’t want to take the pack bond either. I didn’t want to make love in a group. Murphy and I hadn’t had sex in over a month. I wanted to be alone with him, not surrounded by other people. Was he going to be mad at me because his mother yelled at him in front of the whole pack and embarrassed the shit out of him? Was she going to shame him that way or had she just marooned me here so I wouldn’t ruin the whole fucking hunt?

I tucked my chin beneath my turtleneck sweater in a vain attempt at warmth.

The top of the hedge blocked my view so I couldn’t see what was happening in the courtyard or if everyone had gone into the castle to escape the bitter cold. I didn’t hear shouting. Just the goddamn wind and the relentless cold splash of water into the fountain. If only I could go into the castle. Fires would be burning in the massive fireplaces and there would be food and hot coffee.

Murphy told me there was a huge room full of mattresses and blankets where the pack orgy took place when it was too cold or rainy to have sex outside in the meadow by the lake. Even though I wanted to be alone with him, I still wished I could be in that room right now. Or I had a hat. Why hadn’t I worn my knit hat to keep my ears from freezing? Or my gloves? Or another shirt under my turtleneck?

Was Siobhan telling the entire pack about my father’s pack bond? At the top of her lungs so nobody was left out of hearing range, not even the kids?

My father’s face mocked me from my mind’s eye. Cold and superior. Handsome. Reddish blond hair, disdainful smile. From the time I’d hit puberty, I’d never been good enough. Nothing I’d done had been right. He’d waited and schemed for the day I’d fall underneath his pack bond. The day he could make me do whatever he wanted.

Just like Colm, Deirdre and Fee would be able to do in a few hours. No, it wouldn’t be like that. Mac Tire was over a hundred members strong and the pack bond would not be potent enough for the Alphas to have absolute control the way my father had over the twenty poor members of Mayflower. Everyone told me that. Only, what if it wasn’t true?

What if my wolf wasn’t the same? What if she felt the yoke of another hated bond and refused to come out ever again? Maybe I would lose her forever because I was fucking stupid enough to willingly take another pack bond. I wasn’t just chaining myself, but enslaving her as well.

Paddy’s funeral had been brutally sad, but my wolf had been perfect. She’d known me and I’d known her. We’d been fused in a way we’d never been before. She completed me in a way I’d never known was possible. I’d wanted so much to be with her again, but Murphy was busy and grief-stricken and nobody would let him alone, so, of course, he hadn’t had time for me or my wolf. I’d been content to wait. Stupid me, I’d forgotten about the damn pack bond. Now it was here and I’d only been with my wolf three times. It wasn’t enough.

* * * *

I was crying when two people sat beside me on the cold bench. I smelled them before I saw them. Colm and Deirdre. Two out of three of my Alphas. Great.

Deirdre wrapped her arms around me and that made me cry even harder. Colm took one of my hands between both of his and squeezed. We sat together until I could stop the waterworks. They were so patient, my heart hurt. Why were they being so good to me? I was a pain in the ass. They didn’t have time for my stupid bullshit. They ought to be mad at me, but instead were comforting and kind.

Gravel crunched beneath someone’s booted feet. I looked up and saw Fee, her face contorted with shame and sorrow. She lowered herself to her knees before me and buried her face in my lap. Her shoulders shook with sobs and I combed my fingers through her wind-snarled hair.

“Don’t cry, Fee.” I’d made my Alpha cry.

“You’re all the time helping me and letting me take over your life and your home. You’re more of a mother to Will than I am. And this is the thanks you get. When you need me, I’m not there, am I?” Fee lifted her tear-stained face to mine and wrapped her fingers around my wrists. “I knew what you went through with that evil bastard father of yours and even last night when you were scared, I told you to suck it up and get over it instead of letting you talk about it like you wanted.”

“I don’t like to talk about it,” I told her. “I haven’t talked about what happened with anybody. Not even Liam, so don’t blame yourself, Fee, please.”

“When she drank the elixir that released her from the pack bond, it hit her hard.” Fee looked at Colm and Deirdre, her eyes wide with shame. “I think because it had never activated in her. She shifted totally on this plane. All the pain intensified. It was horrific, Paddy told me.” She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Paddy wasn’t there,” I reminded her. “Nobody from Mac Tire was there.”

“Of course they weren’t, you poor thing, because we’ve been piss-poor pack mates to you. It’s a wonder you still want to belong to us. If Colm and Deirdre had known about this like they should have because I ought to have told them, this hunt wouldn’t be happening like this. They’ve been waiting and waiting for me to be ready to do it and I kept putting them off. This is my fault.”

“I’m sorry, Stanzie.” Colm’s voice was soft and gentle. Totally at odds with his massively muscled body and harsh features. “We’d put this off entirely, but Deirdre needs it and she won’t be able to shift soon. One of the main reasons we want it done is for the babies. They need the help.”

“Is something the matter?” My fears were forgotten and I turned to Deirdre in shock. She was so tiny and Colm was nearly seven feet tall. “You’re having twins?”

“Triplets,” she said and a mix of anxiety and joy crossed her face. “Andrew says I’m going to end up spending at least the last two months on bed rest. This will be the last time I shift.”

“And the pack isn’t recovering from the blow of losing Paddy,” said Colm.

“Because of me. Because I’m not,” Fee whispered. Colm reached out a hand to touch her hair. His expression was affectionate and for a moment he looked like Paddy except with straight, red hair. They were half-brothers, but I’d never seen the resemblance until just now.

“I’m sorry I’m so impatient, Fiona.”

Fee’s mouth twisted. “I’m sorry I’m so awful. I’ve been so mean to you, Colm O’Reilly. And to you too, Deirdre. To everyone.” Tears slid down her cheeks, and Colm got up so he could pull her into his arms. Deirdre stood too and the swell of her pregnant belly made her arms and legs look stick-like. Triplets. Jesus.

She wrapped her arms around Fee from the back and the three Alphas held each other. Which was how it should have been from the start, only Fee hadn’t let them get close.

A measure of scared relief flooded me. I still was afraid of the pack bond, but knew my wolf would want to protect her Alpha and the babies. Even if it meant she wouldn’t be free anymore. Babies were treasures. Every pack member believed that.

This pack bond was not forever. Not thirty years like Paul’s. This triad’s time as Alphas would be up in two years and a new Alpha duo or triad would step up. It might even be me and Murphy. It probably would be unless I completely blew everything and turned the pack against me. Which I just might, if I didn’t stop being a baby about the pack bond.

What would it be like to give the pack bond instead of receive it? I knew I would never, ever abuse it. I looked at Fee, Colm and Deirdre and realized they wouldn’t either.

No, the opportunity for control and domination was slight, but the chance for promoting good will and healing was great. The pack would stop looking to Murphy and start looking to Colm and everyone would move on from the grief.

We wouldn’t be losing Paddy. He was already lost to us. We’d lose the mindless, soul-sucking grief. Maybe even be able to remember him with laughter instead of tears.

Just a few feet away, he’d spilled his life’s blood on the gravel, victim of a stabbing. I’d knelt in his blood so I could smooth the curly hair from his pale, clammy forehead and hold his hand as he’d lain dying.

The pack ring was cold on my finger. I twisted it, trying to find comfort. He’d presented it to me at my tribunal, He told me I was family and I belonged to him. I gave myself to him that day. A part of me would always be his.

Would a part of me also be Colm’s? Deirdre’s? Fee already had me. We were best friends. She was my Alpha, no question.

Deirdre sat beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. Colm continued to rock Fee as she sobbed against his muscled chest.

Colm had been the first member of Mac Tire I’d met in person when I’d come to Dublin. Standing guard outside the pack’s pub, An Puca, he’d seemed all brawn and very little brain. He’d challenged me and denied me admittance to the pub, but I’d stood up to him at first before I retreated miserably. After that, he’d become my protector, but I’d been so wrapped up in Paddy and Murphy and their drama, I’d barely given Colm a second thought.

Over the past three months in Ireland, I’d begun to know Deirdre. I spent a fair amount of time playing the harp at An Puca on nights Fee or Murphy wanted to get out of the stifling apartment. Between songs and on breaks, Deirdre always supplied me with cold cider or Guinness. Alannah Doyle, the bartender, wouldn’t spit in glasses she poured for Deirdre, but she had the one time I’d been rash enough to approach the bar on my own.

Alannah Doyle had been bonded to Declan Byrne—traitor to the pack. He’d given Grandfather Mick the knife he’d used to gut Paddy. On directions from Glenn Murphy.

Alannah occupied a unique and uncomfortable position in Mac Tire. On one hand, she was the ex-bond mate of the notorious and despised Declan Byrne. On the other, she was the half-sister of the beloved, dead Paddy O’Reilly. So people both reviled and revered her.

She’d bonded with another duo who were said to be poised to be named contenders for the next Alpha election. The duo was obviously banking on Alannah’s status as half-sister to Paddy and full sister to the current Alpha male, Colm.

An icy shiver slid down my spine. If Alannah became an Alpha female, I’d have to take a pack bond from her. She hated me. Blamed me for exposing Declan. She couldn’t hate him. He was dead. So she transferred all her malice to me, his accuser.

I’d had such rosy thoughts of belonging to a pack again. But Mac Tire was full of rage, grief and churning confusion.

The pack bond would help.

“You can take the pack bond later, Stanzie.” Deirdre pressed her forehead to my cheek. Her skin was cold.

“You ought to be inside. It’s freezing,” I said.

“It would have to be after the babies are born.” Deirdre took a deep breath. The thought of giving birth obviously frightened her. No wonder. Triplets. Colm-sized triplets. “I can’t shift after today. Andrew’s not even happy about today.”

Andrew Brody was the pack’s doctor. He was also bonded to Paddy’s mother, Maureen O’Shea, and now, Siobhan Carmichael as well.

“When he was Alpha, his first bond mate almost died in childbirth. The babies did die.” Deirdre shivered, not from the cold. I took her hand in both of mine and squeezed. “I think he’s a little overprotective. I feel fine, Stanzie. Tired, of course, but fine.”

“I think you ought to listen to him. And I don’t want to wait until after the babies are born. I want to be part of this today. I’m scared, but I don’t want to put it off. It’ll just hang over me if I do.”

“The sword of Damocles,” she said with an understanding laugh. “And, listen, if you need someone to talk to, I’m always here.”

My throat constricted. Did I want someone to talk to? I never really talked about my fears or the things that had happened to me. I just wanted to put them all behind me where they couldn’t poison me anymore.

Besides, Colm and Deirdre knew nothing of the conspiracy. At least not yet. I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one who told them.

The rotten branch of the corrupt movement within the Guardians had been pruned away from Mac Tire. Now all that remained was the positive force of Councilor Etain Feehery. Not part of the underground movement, she’d been the one who decreed Colm and Deirdre should be kept in the dark, at least until Deirdre gave birth.

Everything was so tangled I couldn’t even talk about it without tripping if I tried.

That was Murphy’s problem too. He couldn’t talk to his Alphas about the loss of his father or best friend without going into the conspiracy angle. Fee was too close to it and she relied on him. Murphy constantly listened to her and took care of her and soothed her. He couldn’t then turn around and confide in her—she didn’t have the strength for it yet.

And he wouldn’t talk to me. At first Glenn’s and Paddy’s deaths had brought us together. We’d clung to each other until Fee and the others descended upon our apartment and infiltrated nearly every moment we had.

“This will be a good thing, Stanzie. You’ll see,” promised Deirdre. “We’d best go inside. Everyone’s waiting.” She dug a tissue from her pocket and held it out to Fee, who took it gratefully.

“I’ve been such a bitch,” Fee said after she’d blown her nose.

“You’ve had your reasons.” Deirdre extended her hand for help off the bench. Colm stepped forward, but Fee moved faster. Once Deirdre was standing, Fee wrapped her arm around her bond mate’s waist and they walked down the gravel path toward the castle.

Colm held out his gargantuan hand to me. Mine was dwarfed within it when his fingers closed. He drew me to my feet and kept hold of my hand, his fingers laced with mine.

“I always wanted to be Alpha,” he confided as we walked. “But I sure as shit never wanted to be Alpha in a situation like this. I miss Paddy, Stanzie. He was my little brother and I wish it could’ve been me instead of him to die bleeding on the ground the way he did.”

A groan of grief escaped me. I didn’t want to talk about Paddy. Especially when we were at the spot where he’d fallen. A glance down confirmed there was no blood—the gravel had been washed clean. But I still knew.

“Right here,” I said. Colm made me think of it, so now I’d share the wealth. I tugged him to a stop and he followed my gaze. “He fell right here.” The splash of water from the fountain beside us was gratingly loud. Stinging cold droplets sprayed over us, but we didn’t move.

“They say you stayed with him. Here, and in the ambulance. You even tried to go into surgery with him but they wouldn’t let you.” Colm’s voice was hushed, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory.

“He asked me to stay with him. I promised him I would. I broke the promise, Colm. They wouldn’t let me stay with him.” My voice wobbled and the next thing I knew, I was in Colm’s arms. He was so warm, I burrowed into him for comfort.

“No, you didn’t. Allerton told me Paddy was out of it by then. He never knew you weren’t there. But you were there when it counted.”

“Why me? It should have been Fee or you or somebody he loved.” Guilt choked me until I couldn’t breathe. Poor Paddy had been dying and all he’d had with him was me and Jason Allerton. Virtual strangers. A cold tear slid down my cheek.

“He loved you, woman,” Colm said harshly. “Didn’t he always brag about you when he’d had a few shots of whiskey?”

“Bragged? About what?”

“How brave you were at that tribunal. How clever you were to outfox that bastard Alpha. You saved that girl.”

“She died,” I said. “I didn’t save her, didn’t save him and I wasn’t clever, Colm. I was desperate and scared. He was the one who got me through that damn tribunal. He did.” Sobs overcame me again. Why did it still hurt so much? When would it stop? Why did I have to lose everyone who meant anything to me?

Colm rocked me, his face buried in my snarled hair.

“Will the pack bond make this better?” I asked. When I tilted my neck back so I could look up at his face, I discovered he was crying too. I brushed his tears away with my fingers. Alphas shouldn’t cry. I shouldn’t make them cry.

“I hope so,” he said forlornly. “Right now I feel like the shittiest Alpha that ever was, you know that?”

“You aren’t,” I said. “Don’t say that, Colm.”

A small smile tugged the corner of his mouth. “Worst one in the whole history of Mac Tire.”

“Bullshit,” I argued.

“Most people think of your Liam as their Alpha more than me. I’m a fucking afterthought to most of them.”

I shook my head.

“He was a fine Alpha in his time and he’ll be a better one with you by his side, but it’s my turn now. I think the pack bond will help me prove myself. I let Fee get away with putting it off and I shouldn’t have. Etain argued with me about it. Deirdre didn’t argue, but she was upset with me. All my people counseled against putting it off, but I have a soft spot for that woman. She was my brother’s bond mate.”

“She’s your bond mate,” I reminded him, and he snorted.

“I can barely handle Deirdre. Fee’s a fucking whirlwind, Stanzie. Always has been. Dancing around—Paddy’s the only one who could keep up with her. Well, Paddy and her brother. I’m putting a lot of hope into this damn pack bond, you know that? Because it’s a symbol. A starting point. We bonded at Paddy’s funeral, for Christ’s sake. Nobody sees me. I’m just filling in for him. But that’s not who I want to be. You understand?” He gave me a shake and I grabbed his elbows to steady myself.

“You and Liam could support us. You could try to do that.”

“We do,” I objected.

“You don’t,” he said. “You harbor Fee and her baby. You let the other members of this pack turn to you and don’t bring them to me and Deirdre. You and Liam walk into An Puca and everyone flocks around like you were rock stars. Deirdre and I could stand on the bar and shout for three hours before someone bothered to notice us and then it would only be to yell at us to shut the fuck up. You want to be the next Alphas, fine. Go for it. But, damn it, you give me and Deirdre our shot.” He shook me again, his brown eyes full of frustration.

“I’m so angry, Stanzie Newcastle. At you. At your feckin’ bond mate. At this situation. Something’s got to give.”

I bit my lip. A pack bond formed with an angry Alpha. An Alpha who was furious with me.

“You’re the lynch pin, don’tcha see? Liam listens to you. Fee does. And you sit there and play your fucking harp and don’t say a fucking word. Why?” Colm shook me again.

Far ahead of us, Fee and Deirdre were nearly to the top of the staircase to the massive castle doors. The courtyard was deserted. Just me and angry Colm.

The wind whipped my hair around my face, but I couldn’t brush it away because Colm held my arms. His fingers bit into my flesh even through the padding of my sweater and jacket.

“Let go of me.” I tried to jerk out of his grasp, but his fingers were like iron. “You have no fucking clue what I do or don’t do. You want the respect of your goddamn pack, do something besides cater to Fee. Take control, you pussy-whipped bastard.”

I waited for him to hit me, but instead, he threw back his head and shouted with laughter.

The sound was incongruous in this cold, bleak setting. Paddy had been mortally wounded on this very spot and now Colm was laughing. The funny thing was, Paddy would’ve been laughing too. Maybe he was. Fee had seen his spirit lingering in this world and I’d asked him to go away, but what if he hadn’t? He could be here right this second. I swore I could almost smell his cologne.

“You’re right,” Colm said as he wrapped a beefy arm around my shoulders and all but dragged me down the gravel path. “So this is what I’m doing. Forging the pack bond like I ought to have three months ago. You with me?”

“All the way,” I vowed and he laughed again. I sneaked a look at his face in profile. His red hair stood up like a rooster’s comb. A tingling shivered down my spine. My Alpha. He was my Alpha. For the first time, I felt it more than I understood it.

* * * *

The fireplaces at either end of the massive room roared. Choked with logs, they gave off stultifying heat when close to the flames. The middle of the room was chilly. The pack members nearest the blaze had shed their jackets and some even their sweaters. Those in the center huddled together for warmth, jackets on. Most of them had bottles of water. The mattresses on the floor were piled with brightly colored sheets and pillows. Three or four couples had already claimed theirs, but no one was making love yet, although I did see several couples kissing.

Colm left me near the fireplace on the north wall and I held my frozen fingers out to the flickering flames. God, the warmth felt good. When my fingers thawed, I removed my pack ring, bond pendant and earrings and put them in my purse for safe keeping until after I’d shifted back. Purses were piled in a heap in a corner of the room, and I threw mine on top of the stack. I searched for Murphy and spied him near the French doors that opened onto the garden overlooking the lake. A woman with bright red corkscrew curls halfway down her back had her arms wound around his neck while she stood on tiptoe whispering something into his ear.

He had a half-hearted smile, one hand on her shoulder as he listened to whatever proposal she made, but when he saw me, gently set her aside. The redhead turned around with a pout and I wasn’t surprised at all to see it was Alannah Doyle, the conniving witch. A big, evil smirk lit her pretty face. Any hopes I’d harbored that Siobhan had kept the story of my father’s pack bond between herself and the Alphas crumbled into ash like the logs in the fire. Shit.

Conversation ceased as the people around me stared.

“God, your mother has a big mouth,” I said when Murphy got close enough so I didn’t have to shout. Although I should have.

A pained smile twisted Murphy’s lips. “She was really pissed. She actually boxed my ears.”

A horrified laugh burst from my mouth, and I covered it with my hand.

“She hasn’t boxed my ears since I was sixteen and caught me making out behind the bushes with Caitlin Bell. We’re cousins, you know. And to this day, Caitlin won’t even give me a hug if my mother’s anywhere near. And she’s always near.” Murphy shook his head.

I stared at him, struck speechless as he’d no doubt intended. I’d met Caitlin at the pub and she was pretty enough to turn any boy’s head, even her cousin’s.

“How old was she?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Fourteen or thereabouts,” he said with a wince. “I know I took shocking advantage, but it was all her idea, although she’ll deny it. She’s a liar, Stanzie. ‘Wonder what it feels like to kiss somebody on the lips,’ she said. ‘Do you think it would be gross, Liam? Maybe it would be nice. Want to try it maybe?’ What was I supposed to do with her puckered up and adorable and me frigging sixteen and never been kissed?”

“Stop.” I gave his shoulder a gentle shove and the people closest to us burst into laughter. The tips of Murphy’s ears were red, but he’d embarrassed himself on purpose to divert attention from my humiliation. One more reason to love him.

Murphy grinned and I rolled my eyes.

“Colm and Deirdre talk to you? Everything okay?” he asked.

“I told Colm he was pussy-whipped.” I’d get Murphy back for the Caitlin Bell story if it killed me.

He choked on strangled laughter. “Did he cry?”

I dissolved into laughter. Jerk.

“I would have cried,” he added and I smacked his shoulder again.

“You wouldn’t have and neither did he. He laughed at me.”

“I’ll bet he did.” Murphy looked proud of me. He lifted my chin with gentle fingers so he could look me in the eye. “You are all right, aren’t you? You going to go through with this today? Did Colm give you a choice?”

“Deirdre did, but I chose to do it today,” I said.

The skin around Murphy’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. “That’s my brave girl.”

I wrapped my fingers around his wrist so he couldn’t move away and his smile faltered.

“You’ll stay with my wolf, won’t you?” I asked. I didn’t know what she’d do when she felt the pack bond. Everyone’s wolves would want to run with Murphy’s, and she’d get crowded out. The way I did in human form whenever more than three people were in the room with him.

Even now, several people were making steady progress in his direction. Those around us hung on our every word, no doubt waiting for their chance to swoop into our conversation and take it over.

“Every minute,” he promised. He gave my chin a squeeze and kissed my forehead. His expression was stricken and sad.

* * * *

When my father released Mayflower from the pack bond, he’d mixed his blood with herbs and the vile concoction had been served up in glass test tubes.

Today, we were lined up and given bottles of obviously doctored water, judging by the bits of leaves and petals suspended in the liquid. The water was cloudy, but not with blood. Where was the blood? My gorge rose at the thought of drinking the contents of the bottle, but everyone around me chugged theirs as if it tasted great.

Murphy and I were in middle of the line. I hadn’t wanted to go first, but I also hadn’t wanted to be at the very end. The suspense would’ve killed me. I figured with just as many people in back of me as in front, I wouldn’t have time to chicken out, but wouldn’t panic because I didn’t know what the hell to expect.

Murphy kept one arm around me as we shuffled along. I craned my neck to see what the hell the Alphas were doing with those at the front, but it was just my luck to be in back of three tall, broad shouldered Irish men with their equally tall bond mates. I could have stepped out of the line to see, but sure as hell didn’t want everyone gawking at me more than they already were.

My friend Ryan Kelly was behind Murphy. He reached out to touch my shoulder and I nearly dropped my damn bottle of suspended crap. Herbs. Elixir. Whatever.

“You gonna drink that or beat me with it?” Ryan took a wary step back and I realized I was brandishing the bottle at him.

“What does it taste like?” My question came out more of a petulant whine than an inquiry, and I grimaced.

“Dunno. Kinda minty,” said Ryan. His bottle was empty. “You really need to have it drunk by the time you get up to the Alphas, Stanz.”

“Thank you for that newsflash, Ryan.” I rolled my eyes. Next to Murphy, I thought Ryan Kelly was the most attractive man in Mac Tire. Young, though. Not even twenty-four. No bond mate, but I was sure he made hearts swoon at Regionals. We’d gotten close during Declan Byrne’s tribunal. He saved my life when Glenn Murphy tried to strangle me. His memory was still fuzzy, thanks to the vicious knock on the head he’d taken tumbling down the stairs. He was lucky that’s all that happened to him. Glenn Murphy fell too, and he’d broken his neck.

Ryan, Murphy, Fee and Etain Feehery were the only members of Mac Tire who knew that. Everyone else believed the heart attack story, although sometimes I caught Siobhan staring at me suspiciously. I shuddered to think what she’d do if she knew the truth. Finish what her bond mate had started probably.

Murphy’s arm tightened around my shoulders. I was being mean to Ryan, but honestly, I knew I had to drink the damn water. I had time, though—we weren’t near the front yet.

“You nervous?” Ryan asked. “I was scared shitless the first time I took the pack bond from Paddy and Fee.”

“Really?” I tried to relax my death clutch on the bottle. “I don’t remember taking it with Paul.”

“That was fucked up, Stanzie,” said Ryan. Now that I’d brought it up, he was free to as well. “Mac Tire’s not like that. Give us a chance, you’ll see.”

“I’m standing here, aren’t I?” My smile felt weak and fake.

“Yeah. And not drinking the elixir,” Ryan pointed out.

“Shut up,” Murphy told him in a low voice full of friendly exasperation. “Don’t push her, Ryan.”

Ryan gave Murphy a look of pure frustration. “No worries, Liam. Maybe you’ve been too busy looking after everybody and their brother in this pack, but while you’ve been everyone’s handy shoulder to cry on, Stanzie and I have become good friends. I know when to speak and when to shut the fuck up around her.”

I winced at Ryan’s bluntness.

“Yeah?” Murphy’s jaw swelled. “It’s too goddamn bad you don’t have that same level of intimacy with me, isn’t it?”

Ryan’s eyes widened and he took a step backward. “Don’t start something up. I’m not saying we’ve been screwing behind your back.”

“What the hell are you saying then?” Murphy demanded.

“Please don’t do this,” I whispered. “I’m nervous enough as it is without you two going territorial.”

“This little shit better shut his mouth. That’s all I’m saying.” Murphy snarled and Ryan paled.

“You know damn well you’re the only man she looks at in this pack. All right? Cards on the table? Peace.” Ryan spread his hands in smoothing motion as if he could erase everything we’d said.

“Liam, this is a hunt,” said one of the brawny men ahead of me in line. I thought his name might be Ronan. It was hard to keep everyone straight. Mac Tire was so big. He and everyone else in the general vicinity had been listening intently. “The gobshite’s smelling everyone’s lust and it’s gone to his frigging head. Give him a break. Everyone knows you don’t do threesomes. Jesus, Ryan, get some sense into your feckin’ skull before I break it open for you.”

“Sorry.” Ryan’s face flamed with humiliation.

Murphy clenched his jaw so tightly my own ached in sympathy. I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder. Did he really think I would have slept with Ryan behind his back? Just because he didn’t sleep with me himself?

“We’re all friends here,” said Ronan. “Right? Liam?”

Murphy gave a jerk of his head that looked like it hurt. Ryan nodded nervously. I wanted to tell him it was all right but was afraid if I spoke to him, Murphy would rip his frigging head off. Irish tempers were nothing to poke at unless, of course, a person enjoyed stirring up a hornets’ nest of fury.

A brawl before a hunt was something this pack enjoyed, but we were also taking the pack bond so we had to be on our best behavior. At least I think that’s what Ronan was trying to telegraph to me with his eyebrows. I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one to light the match to Murphy’s powder keg of a temper. Fuck that.

“Ryan, come up here, love, with us.” The blond woman who was bonded with the man in front of Ronan gestured for Ryan to move up in line. “Have you got a partner yet for the hunt?”

“No, Cass.” Ryan looked torn between acute mortification and hopeful lust. Cass O’Connor was very pretty.

“Well, now you do.” She grinned as she held out her hand.

With a mumbled apology, Ryan slid past me and Murphy so he could stand between Cass and her bond mate, Sean. He gave Ryan a welcoming clap on the back. Obviously he had no issues with threesomes.

Murphy’s muscles were hard as rocks beneath his skin. I wished he would relax. He was making me more nervous. I twisted the cap off my bottle of doctored water so I could take a swig. Bits of sweet mint plus other herbs danced on my tongue. Was that marjoram? Lavender? Something similar? I forced myself to swallow and tried not to gag. This elixir tasted completely different from the one I’d drunk to break my father’s pack bond. No blood, also the herbs were sweet not sour.

Cautiously, I took another sip, aware Murphy watched me. So was everyone else around. A bug on a pin, that’s what I felt like in this pack. Thanks to Siobhan Carmichael.

“Not that bad, is it, Stanzie?” Ronan winked at me before he finished his own bottle. One of the grandmothers passed by with a bag and he tossed the bottle into it. Murphy discarded his as well. I’d have to wait for the next time around. Maybe by the time she’d worked her way back up from the end of the line. I’d have the bottle emptied.

Another minty swig. I wished the bits had been chopped finer, but maybe they needed to be this size. The recipes were very exact for a reason.

“Why does the pack bond work?” I asked Murphy. “Is it metaphysics? Magic? What?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, honey. It just works. Like shifting.”

“Others don’t have bullshit things like pack bonds,” I muttered beneath my breath, but he heard me and gave me a hug.

“The Native Americans had some interesting rituals,” he told me. “Vision quests and all that. The Egyptians too. Modern man has lost a lot of his connection to the earth and the otherworld.”

“The pack bond belongs to the otherworld?” This was a concept I hadn’t considered before.

“I don’t know,” he said again. Did he know anything? How could people blindly take something like a pack bond and not know its origins?

I took another swallow. Either the bits weren’t as big as I’d thought or I was getting used to them. The taste was growing on me too. Something tugged inside me, like a fish nibbling at a baited hook. Was it my wolf? Did she like the taste too?

I bit my lip and gulped more. Definite warmth was spreading throughout my body. Did everyone feel it?

I touched my fingers to Murphy’s cheek. His skin was hot, but he was not particularly flushed. Couldn’t be the heat of the fireplaces, we were nowhere near either of them.

Those who had been in the front of the line were now spreading out. The mattresses by the fireplaces were being chosen first.

I watched Andrew strip off his sweater. Siobhan and Maureen were sprawled across a mattress. Siobhan had let her blond hair down from its customary twist and Maureen was running her fingers through it, her eyes half lidded. Andrew sank to his knees before his bond mates and they moved into his arms together.

Siobhan bit one of his earlobes playfully while Maureen kissed his throat.

I turned to face forward again. My jeans chafed the inside of my thighs, which had suddenly gone tender.

Ryan and Cass were making out and when the line moved up and they didn’t, Ronan gave Ryan a good-natured shove.

“Drink it all, dearie.” The grandmother’s voice was kindly, but she still scared me. Where’d she come from? I jerked in shock and nearly dropped the bottle. Two or three mouthfuls were left and since the grandmother didn’t appear inclined to move without my empty bottle in her bag, I hastily swallowed the rest of the elixir in one gulp.

Fire lit in my stomach and branched out in glowing tendrils throughout my body.

“It is magic, isn’t it?” I whispered to her when I tucked my bottle into the bag. She gave me a mysterious grin.

“The magic part is you,” she told me before she moved on.

* * * *

We didn’t drink the blood. We mixed ours with the Alphas’. Three chairs had been placed on a small riser so the Alpha triad could sit while the pack advanced by them. Colm was first. He had a small silver knife and used the sharp point of it to prick the meat of his thumb until blood ran. Then he handed the knife to the person in front of him, who also pricked their thumb. Skin to skin, thumb to thumb, the blood mingled. Contact might last fifteen seconds or forty-five. It seemed to depend on the relationship between the Alpha and the pack member.

Murphy went ahead of me. He and Colm exchanged a long, silent look before Colm nicked his already bleeding thumb with the knife before passing it, handle side out, to Murphy.

A flash of silver, and Murphy’s thumb bled. He and Colm pressed their thumbs together. One heartbeat, two. I held my breath and let it out with a whoosh when Murphy moved to stand before Deirdre.

My turn. I squared my shoulders. Part of me wanted to run away. But the heat inside me was a fire that needed more. Almost against my will, I dragged myself in front of Colm.

He was solemn, no smile for me. Paddy would’ve smiled, I just knew it.

Colm handed me the knife. When had Murphy given it back? The blade was hot to the touch, warmed by the blood and body heat of countless others.

The metallic tang of blood coated my sinuses. The crackling flames in the fireplace nearly deafened me. So did Colm’s steady heartbeat. Mine was as fast as a humming bird’s gossamer wings. Hot. So damn hot.

Right hand? Left hand? Fuck, I’d known only a moment before. Left. It was the left.

The sting of the blade made me gasp, and I bit my lip. Blood welled on the sides of the slice and ran down to my knuckle.

Colm took the knife back and held up his bleeding left thumb. The slightest twitch of his mouth. Was that a smile?

I pressed my thumb to his as the world stopped spinning. My vision blurred as if someone had thrown a silver veil over my head. I couldn’t breathe. I was drowning in invisible water. My lungs burned then, shock, the world spun on its axis again. A rush of cold air smacked me in the face as I sucked in a deep breath. The veil lifted.

What the fuck? Colm did smile then and I stumbled as I moved over three steps to Deirdre.

I didn’t need her silver knife., My thumb still bled. Her smile lit her pretty face, but she was exhausted. When we pressed our thumbs together, I sent her some of my strength. A small push of energy from me to her. Electric tingling as she absorbed what I sent. Her eyes widened gratefully. Then the world stopped again and everything went silver for several heartbeats.

Fee’s eyes were still red-rimmed from crying and, when I pressed my bleeding thumb to hers, she gave me her grief. I don’t think she meant to, but maybe she couldn’t help it. She missed Paddy so much. For a dizzying second, my perspective shifted and I was the one sitting on the riser, Paddy beside me. I smelled his cologne and his blood. We were thinking about Murphy, who’d just lost his bond mate and wouldn’t take the pack bond, wouldn’t stay in Dublin with us. All this happened four years ago, not tonight, but it made perfect sense to me in the moment. Time was fluid and it skipped like a stone across the flat surface of a dusky lake.

The world ground to a halt as everything turned silver. I was myself again. Fee and I stared at each other. Had she been me? Had she experienced my sense of terror at the prospect of tying myself to her and the rest of the pack? Maybe seen with my eyes as I’d drunk the unbinding elixir in Scott and Faith’s basement? She’d seen something, of that I was sure.

Murphy waited for me a few steps away, near the wall. His dark eyes gleamed amber. His wolf was awake inside him somehow. The pack bond woke him, just as sex did?

All around us, bodies writhed on mattresses. I stepped over a pair of red shoes and a crumpled sweater, arms inside out. I hissed aloud when Murphy closed his fingers around my wrist. He was burning up.

He slammed me against the stone wall and moved so every inch of him pressed against me. His cock was hard as a stone in his jeans and he groaned when I slid my hands down to cup his ass. He kiss burned my mouth. Our teeth clicked together as we dueled for dominance with our tongues. He fisted my hair with both hands and pulled possessively. The heady scent of his blood tangled in my hair. I left bloody thumbprints on the back pockets of his jeans. One of us growled. I think it was me.

“I want to be inside you.” Murphy lifted me up and I hooked my legs around his waist. His cock pressed tauntingly against my pussy, but there was too much fabric between us still.

I undid his belt buckle—why the hell did he wear a belt and button-fly jeans, the teasing bastard? He let go of my hair with one hand so he could unzip my jeans.

With his help, I wiggled them down over my hips to my knees, while his jeans dropped to his ankles. Wonderful, beautiful man, he was going commando. Wished I’d thought of that.

My panties ripped beneath the assault of his determined fingers. He slid the probing tip of his wet cock between my legs. I shifted my ass as I used the stone wall for support so I could move up and—yes. Murphy’s cock rammed home. We both cried out.

“Harder,” I urged as he pumped into me. The stone wall scraped my skin, but I didn’t care. I locked my ankles and dug my heels into his ass.

“You’re perfect,” he told me as he devoured me with brutal, drugging kisses. “I love you, Stanzie. I love you so fucking much.”

My wolf leaped beneath my skin, stretching over my soul like cold purple fire. She danced through my veins and scratched down my spine.

When the orgasm hit me so hard I saw shooting stars, I let out a throaty scream as I ripped to glorious pieces. An invisible wire snapped tight inside me, pulling every muscle I had into screaming pleasure pain. The wire stretched from me into Murphy and from him into the couple four feet away then from them to a triad and out farther and farther until the entire pack was enmeshed in a hazy net of pure energy.

“Fee?” I thought dreamily and came again, so explosively I screamed and banged my head against the stone wall.

“I’m here, Stanzie.” It was not Fee in my head but Deirdre, and I could taste Colm in the back of my throat. His sweat as it dripped from his face into my mouth as he thrust into me. I felt them all then. The whole pack become as one together in a litany of names, faces, skin, scent, taste, texture. Surreal and terrifying, spinning out of control until everything was a silver blur and I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see or hear.

I opened my eyes only to see Murphy’s face, contorted with lust as his climax pulled his muscles tight before going slack.

He sagged against me, warm and sweaty. I unhooked my ankles to let my legs slide away from his waist. Rubbery and weak, if not for the wall, I would have fallen.

“The fuck was that?” My voice was rusty croak. My throat burned.

“Pack bond,” Murphy answered, his voice as hoarse as mine. He buried his face in my sticky neck and shuddered. I ran my hands along his back. He still had on his sweater, so I helped him take it off.

Mine was gone. I didn’t remember taking it off, but there it was on the floor by our feet. We both still had on our boots. My bra chafed. Murphy undid the front clasp as I slid the straps down.

We kicked off our jeans, boots and socks then staggered, hand in hand, for an empty mattress. I would have fallen if he hadn’t held me up. He was none too steady on his feet either.

I sprawled face first on the soft blue sheets and Murphy fell beside me. He draped one arm and a leg over me protectively.

The couple on the mattress six feet away from our heads was still going strong. When I smelled them, their sweat sparked something inside me.

Murphy as well. He moved so he was on top. I raised up on my knees so he could take me from behind. When he slid inside me, he felt so good I wanted to scream, but if I did, I’d come and I wanted to prolong the pleasure.

I’d missed this so much. Him inside me, us together. My wolf awake and itching to take over my skin.

He nipped my shoulder, his teeth so sharp against my skin I gasped. I wanted to bite him too. When he touched my cheek, I turned my head so I could sink my teeth into one of his fingers. He laughed, and a sensual shiver slipped down my spine. I arched my back and he moved faster. Perspiration dripped down my face onto the sheets. Murphy’s sweat was slick against my shoulders and ass.

He whispered something in Irish which sent me tumbling over the edge into what seemed like an endless orgasm that turned me inside out.

Cold wind blew across us from the open French doors. People were leaving in twos and threes, headed for the meadow above the lake.

I wanted to go too. The wind was a siren song in my blood, singing not only to me, but my wolf as well.

Murphy pulled me to my feet and we dodged around writhing couples, discarded clothing and rumpled mattresses.

Gray clouds full of rain hung in dark spirals across the sky. Light mist drifted across my sweaty face as I moved away from the stone castle and off the paved terrace to the wet grass.

Murphy’s eyes glowed feral amber as we paused for a long kiss, our bodies slick and hot against each other.

Ryan rushed past us and dropped to all fours in the green grass. His body contorted and shuddered as the shift swept over him.

Murphy kissed the side of my mouth and stepped away. Never taking his gaze from me, he went to his knees then pitched forward, breaking his fall with his palms. His back arched, but he didn’t bow his head, even as the shift boiled over him.

He was smiling when he blinked out of existence. When he flashed back, he was fully wolf, but I still swore he was smiling.

My wolf howled to be free. Cold purple fire flamed beneath my skin as she stretched her claws and ripped at me. I dropped to my knees then let my hands take the rest of my weight. Pain plucked at me, but it was fleeting.

Everything turned silver and then…

* * * *

Rain, wet on my fur. Feels good. Friend looks at me. I love Friend. I lick him behind the ear and he nuzzles my throat. He tastes good. Ryan Wolf wants to run. I chase him, steer him back to the pack. Our Alphas lead the hunt. We follow. Friend runs so close our fur brushes, but our legs do not tangle. Ryan Wolf runs beside me. He sniffs me. Friend tackles him. They roll together, teeth snapping, but do not bite. They play, but Ryan Wolf rolls to Friend. Good.

The pack is far ahead. We must run fast to catch up. My paws slip in the wet grass. I smell the lake and the rain and Friend’s wet fur. I sneeze, but I still run.

Siobhan Wolf breaks from the pack. She comes to us, lips wrinkled back in disgust. Why are we so far behind?

Play with us, Siobhan Wolf? She snaps at me, growls, but does not bite. She herds me ahead. We must catch up. Friend nips at Ryan Wolf’s flank. He dodges away and zips first one way then the other. I want to play that game!

Alpha Colm howls. No time for play. Siobhan Wolf snarls at me, glares with golden eyes. Yes, I know. Catch up.

My pack sits in a ring around the Alphas. Alpha Fee is beautiful, but so sad. I want her to be happy again. She misses her mate. I miss him too. One blue eye, one brown. He is gone forever. He runs with Him and Her and the Thems from my old pack. Big Them and Little Them. In the otherworld now. Running there instead of here.

Alpha Deirdre is heavy with young. This is good. Cubs are good for my pack! She is tired and cannot run and play. I sit with her. Leave her alone. She must rest.

Mother and father of Alpha Deirdre are pleased with me. I guard my Alpha. You can run and play, your Alpha cub is safe with me.

Friend stays too. He wants to play, but we must protect our Alpha.

I roll to her. She nuzzles my throat but does not bite. Nudges me up. Up. Friend rolls too. Up, Friend. Stand up now.

We sit together while our pack hunts. The rain is wet against our fur. The grass is soft and smells of good things. I would like to drink from the lake, but I must stay here with Alpha Deirdre.

Alpha Fee does not want to play, but Alpha Colm is patient. He sneaks up behind her. Pounce! They roll. I feel them inside me. All my pack. My brothers and sisters. We are together.

Alpha Fee howls. I howl back. Friend howls too. We are safe together.