Читать книгу Across The Line - Amy Lee Burgess - Страница 7

Chapter 3

Shepherd’s pie had never tasted as good as the three heaping plates of it I shoveled into my mouth after the hunt. Spicy meat, flavorful potatoes, crisp kernels of corn. The combination was pure magic.

The minute I cleaned my plate, Murphy refilled it. He managed to devour four platefuls himself and, between us, we drank at least a gallon of fresh, cold water.

We sat shoulder to shoulder in the massive chamber where we’d made the pack bond. While we hunted, the older teens cleared away the sheets and mattresses. With the help of the grandmothers and grandfathers who had chosen not to shift, they’d set up trestle tables full of food and water. There were a few tables and chairs, but not enough for all one hundred fifty plus of us.

Murphy and I cheerfully sat on the floor, backs braced against the wall near the northern fireplace and its crackling heat, which was comforting as hell. My hair was plastered to my skull and I was chilled to the bone, but it was good. I felt alive and my head clearer than it had been in months.

Murphy had a slab of homemade crusty bread on his plate only half-eaten. When he turned his head toward the sound of someone laughing, I snatched it and stuffed it into my mouth as far it would go. The piece was bigger than my mouth, but I chewed as fast as I could.

He laughed when he saw me and sheepishly, I tore a chunk away with my teeth and gave him what was left.

“I’m starving,” I apologized.

“Save room,” he advised. “There’s apple amber for dessert.”

I moaned in anticipation. Apple amber was like apple pie with meringue, and I fucking loved it.

After Murphy wolfed down the chunk of bread, he carried our plates to one of the bins by the door. He went to the dessert table where he took his sweet time selecting the proper pieces.

While I salivated in anticipation, Colm sauntered over and slid down the wall into a graceful squat beside me. His red hair was muted with rainwater. Blood stained the left cuff of his sweater. He looked tired but happy.

“You okay?” He tipped a bottle of water to his mouth so he could suck down a huge swallow.

“It was the weirdest thing. I swore at one point I was with you, not Murphy,” I said. Someone had lit the candle sconces on the wall so the flames cast dancing shadows on the stone walls. The room smelled of sweat, wet hair, shepherd’s pie and sex. Not a bad combination at all.

Colm smiled but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t feel it now, though. The pack bond.” I searched inside myself for proof of it, but felt nothing.

“It’s there. When you need it, you’ll draw on it. You might be doing it now, for all you or I would know.”

“Tell me to do something.” The soft paws of panic unsheathed claws inside me and scraped along my nerve endings. “Order me to do something.”

“You’ll do it because I’m your Alpha, not because of the pack bond.”

“Make it something you wouldn’t ask me to do as Alpha,” I urged. “Please, Colm, I need this.”

“I think you’re panicking a wee bit myself.” He sighed. “Fine then. Go spit in Liam’s face. Go on.”

I gaped at him. “Why can’t you be serious?”

“Spit in his face. And then make out with Ryan right in front of him.”

Colm obviously heard about the altercation. Pack grapevines were insidious. It hadn’t even been three hours and the Alphas knew. Christ.

“Who told you what happened? You couldn’t have heard it.”

“You’re sitting on your ass and I told you to do something,” Colm reminded me. He nudged me in the side with his beefy elbow.

I burst out laughing.

“Nothing, huh?” Colm ruffled my wet hair and grinned at me. “You got yourself all panicky about nothing.”

“Spit in Liam’s face. Make out with Ryan. Jesus,” I said between giggles.

“You’re the one giving me the orders and I’m the one following them. God, maybe the pack bond got frigged up somehow and you’re the one pulling the strings!” Colm gave a very realistic girly shriek. People all around us swiveled their heads.

“Move along. These are not the droids you’re looking for.” Colm waved their attention away and snickers filled the air.

Murphy returned with two huge pieces of apple amber and Alannah Doyle literally clinging to his elbow. All moist and doe-eyed too.

“Liam promised to share his dessert with me,” she announced. Her eyes were green as grass, the color of jealousy. The greenest eyes that ever were, as Paddy once referred to them. Well, he would wax poetic about her. She was his half-sister.

“How nice of him,” I said. “You seem to have forgotten a third fork.” Murphy had only two in his hand. I took one and the biggest piece of apple amber.

“We don’t need one. We can share.” Alannah giggled and I gritted my teeth.

Murphy had the smile of a man with his balls in a vise. He tried to give her the fork and the whole piece of apple amber, but she waved both away and continued to cling to his elbow.

“It’s going to be hard for him to eat with you hanging onto him like a redheaded barnacle,” I observed and Colm shifted uneasily beside me.

“I’m not the clingy scared rabbit in this scenario,” said Alannah with a toss of her springy curls. “Have you finished whimpering yet? Have the flashbacks to your father stopped?”

My cheeks burned.

“I really would shut the fuck up if I were you,” I advised. I shoved the goddamn apple amber into Colm’s surprised hands. I couldn’t swallow now, I was so pissed.

Alannah’s lips peeled back from her teeth in a malicious smile.” The scared rabbit is going to roar like a lion now? A little late to act like you actually have a spine, isn’t it?”

“I may be a rabbit, but at least I’m not an ostrich with my head fucking buried in the sand while my bond mate helps murder my brother,” I declared.

A wild little scream burst from Alannah’s throat and she kicked me in the face. Or she tried to, but I dodged to the right. When I toppled into him, Colm fell over, apple amber going everywhere.

“Fuck,” said Murphy.

I bounced to my feet and ducked Alannah’s fist just before she would have buried it in my right eye. Little bitch was fast.

“Come on, you feckin’ cunt. Fight me,” Alannah screamed. Every person in the room came to attention and a surge of bodies pressed together as they struggled for ringside positions to watch.

From the corner of my eye I watched Ryan hold up a twenty beneath Sean’s nose. Sean fished out his money, and the bet was on.

“You’d best be betting on me, Ryan Kelly, or I’ll kick your ass too,” Alannah shouted. Her eyes had a crazy glow and, for a short person she seemed very big.

“If Stanzie loses, I’ll let you kick my ass, how’s that?” Ryan retorted. Laughter filled the room.

“Better get ready to bend over.” Alannah’s grin was ferocious.

“I’ll bend over for you, sweetheart,” someone said from the back of the room.

“I’d rather bend her over,” called someone else to more laughter.

“I’d rather bend the two of them over at the same time,” another witty bastard shouted. He meant me and Alannah. Next thing I knew someone would toss us into a kiddy pool of mud or Jell-o.

“Eat shit,” I snarled. Colm snorted with laughter.

“God, you’re classy. A fucking classy coward. Just what Mac Tire doesn’t need,” drawled Alannah as she slowly circled me. I moved with her, wishing like hell I was somewhere else. Why did I have to have such a big mouth?

“Yeah, like we need a stupid, clueless bitch like you,” I muttered. Alannah hawked up a wad of spit and aimed it for my face.

I dodged out of the way, grimacing with disgust.

“You can’t fight for shit. Too scared,” jeered Alannah.

Murphy looked like he wanted to reach out and yank her out of the room by her hair, but he couldn’t do that. Nobody fought anybody else’s battles in this pack. Except for me the night I leaped on Declan Byrne’s back when he’d fought dirty with a piece of glass against Paddy.

Murphy faded back to give us room, his expression apologetic when he met my gaze.

“I’ll be twice the Alpha you’d ever make.” Alannah lifted her bond pendant so we could all see the small Celtic knot next to the triad pendant on the chain. I had a knot pendant just like it on my chain. So did Murphy. Fee had given them to us when she backed us as her choice for the next Alpha duo.

Colm winced. “I wish she’d let me announce that myself,” he muttered.

So, it was official. Alannah, Petra and Dane were up for Alpha against me and Murphy. Great. So this fight would have double the meaning. If she wiped the floor with my face, I could pretty much kiss Alpha goodbye. No baby for Murphy and I knew how much he wanted one. Hell, I did too. Now that my wolf was normal.

“You’re such an asshole.” Would she really throw away her shot on one stupid fight? She had just as much to lose as I did. More, because some people in the pack had not forgiven her for being bonded to Declan.

Her new bond mates looked less than thrilled. They were in the front of the crowd. Petra’s face was thunderous with rage and betrayal. Dane glared at me.

“Well, fight her, for Christ’s sweet sake,” he shouted at me.

I calculated the odds. If Alannah won, was it really over? We still had nearly two years to election. A lot of things could shift in two years, including opinions. Especially opinions.

On the other hand, if I lost, Alannah would never let anybody forget it. I was pretty much screwed. So was Murphy, which was worse.

If Alannah were elected Alpha, she would never, ever agree to let me and Murphy run for the next Alpha pair so I’d have to wait ten years for another chance. I’d be forty-three by then, and I might still be fertile, but it was pushing it.

Alannah was already nearly forty and if she didn’t make Alpha at the next election, she’d never have a baby. Babies. Why must so much hinge on them? Why could only the Alphas have them? It wasn’t fair.

At that heretical thought, I froze. Alannah took advantage of my lapse of attention to dart in and land the first punch. A sucker punch right to my jaw.

I saw stars and tasted blood. I’d bitten my tongue. Damn, that hurt. The pain snapped me back in focus. I ducked her next blow aimed at my nose.

“Ah, my God, you don’t know how to fight, do you? You never fought in your frigging American pack, did you?” Alannah’s face crinkled in disgust.

“Stupid us, we preferred to discuss our differences instead of beating each other like fucking barbarians.” I licked my lip. Was it bleeding too? Damn it.

Alannah rolled her eyes. “I won’t hit you again, you poor thing. Just tell me I’ll make a better Alpha than you and we’ll shake hands and act all civilized as shit, how’s that?”

“There’s only one problem with that,” I told her.

“Oh, yeah? And what would that be?”

“You’d make a terrible Alpha,” I said.

“At least I don’t hide behind my wolf and let her fight my battles. What’s the matter, Stanzie? Scared? Why don’tcha let your wolf out to rip my throat open? That’s the only way you know how to fight, isn’t it? Not so fucking civilized when you’re furry, are you?” Alannah smirked.

“I’m so sick of people talking about my wolf.” The red veil of rage descended until everything was tinged bloody.

Front foot forward, I spun toward her and brought my other leg around in a perfect roundhouse kick. My self-defense teacher would’ve burst into excited cheers. I hadn’t spent all my damn time decorating after Murphy left me in Boston.

I took Alannah out, my left foot planted smack into her stomach and she flew backward a gratifying five feet before she smashed, breathless to the floor.

“You bitch,” she said when she got her breath back.

Dead silence around the room for three beats as everyone waited for her to get up.

I gestured for her to hurry up and come get me then as I swallowed a mouthful of blood. Tongue blood was sweet, but damn my jaw hurt.

She lumbered to her feet, her gaze murderous. The room erupted in cheers and screams.

Colm’s grin was incredulous and Murphy looked deliriously proud. Fee jumped around pumping her fist in the air like she was Rocky after the big fight. I would punch her next, I decided.

“Lucky shot,” sneered Alannah and I rolled my eyes. My self-defense instructor would beg to differ. That move had taken me three weeks to even approximate.

“Wanna try again and prove it?” I asked. The crowd went wild. Alannah scowled at them, her expression sour as curdled milk. Could I help it if they were on my side?

“So what does it feel like to kill someone?” Alannah asked. “What did it feel like when you saw their dead bodies after the car crash and knew you’d been the one to smash them into bloody pieces?”

At first I’d thought she was talking about Nate, but when she said ‘car crash’ the red veil of rage strangled me again. In my head, Elena’s scream cut off with the snap of her neck. Grey’s eyes went wide with shocked agony as he was sucked out the open door and flung into space, his spine crushed.

“What does it feel like to fuck a murderer?” I wondered. Alannah’s face went black with absolute rage.

She rushed me with a wild, banshee scream and I let her come close enough so I could grab her arm and flip her over my shoulder. It was all leverage. My damn instructor had been right.

She hit the stone floor hard and for a moment didn’t move or make a sound.

Fuck. I’d killed her. She’d cracked her skull open on the goddamn stone. No. Screw this. She could be Alpha. No problem. I didn’t want to kill anyone else. How did it feel to kill someone? Cold, dark. Like the end of the world was a bullet and I was the one who pulled the trigger.

“You fucking bitch. You broke my back,” Alannah screamed into the dead silence. Her eyes were full of shock and malice. “I’m paralyzed and it’s all your fault.”

“You’re not fucking paralyzed,” I yelled at her. I could see her arms and feet moving. “You wouldn’t be able to yell so damn loud if you were paralyzed. Get up, you baby. Unless you’re done? Are you done? Am I the next Alpha?”

“The fucking pack votes, you don’t get to say who’s next,” she whined.

“Fine. Then tell me I won the fight and get the fuck up. Or do you need help?” I extended my hand and she spat at it. She had to move her neck to do it. Paralyzed, my ass.

“Fifteen second rule, Alannah. You lose even if you don’t say uncle,” Ryan said from the sidelines. He snatched the twenty from Sean’s fingers triumphantly.

“Bugger off, Kelly.” Alannah rolled into a slumped sitting position and gingerly touched the back of her head. “I’m bleeding,” she announced and held up her red-smeared fingers.

“What the hell do you want? A choir to sing you sleep with lullabies?” I grabbed her hand and hauled her to her feet. She tried to kick me in the shin, the bitch, so I socked her in the jaw.

She flung herself at me and Colm waded in to grab her around the waist. He was laughing. Murphy pressed against my back, one hand on my shoulder, but didn’t hold me back, just let me know he was there. He was laughing too.

“Where the hell did you learn those moves? They were frigging awesome.” His mouth was so close to my ear, I shivered.

“After Nate Carver, I swore I’d never be defenseless in this form ever again,” I answered and his laughter stopped. “I took a self-defense course at the YMCA in Boston.”

I turned around so I could look at him and the guilt on his face made me wince.

“Came in handy, didn’t it?” I tried to make him smile, but he was having none of it.

* * * *

We left shortly after. People spilled out of the castle and down the steps to follow us to the car, most of them reaching out to touch me and tell me how bad ass I was. I wished they’d all drop dead.

“Are you mad?” I asked after fifteen straight minutes of silence as we headed back to Dublin. The rain beat down in a steady rhythm—ticking against the roof and windshield until I wanted to scream. Late afternoon traffic clogged the road. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to driving on the wrong side.

Murphy gave me a glance, as if inviting me to clarify.

“That I took a self-defense class?” I said. “You haven’t said one word since I told you I did.”

Murphy’s mouth thinned. “I’m angry you felt you had to. Angry I wasn’t there to beat the shit out of Nate Carver myself. Angry I didn’t listen when you insisted Bethany hadn’t hitched to an abortion clinic. I’m angry about a lot of things, Stanzie.”

I scrunched down in the seat and tried to make myself as small as possible.

“Did you really think for one minute I’d let your wolf face the pack alone today?” He flung me a look of betrayal. His fingers were so tight around the steering wheel they were bleached bone white.

“No. Your wolf’s always been there for mine,” I whispered.

“My wolf,” he ground out. “But not me. Not in this form. I’m never there for you when you need me, am I?”

I swallowed and tasted blood. My jaw ached like a bitch.

“Answer me,” he said with a snarl.

“What am I supposed to say? You did what you thought was best. Your intentions are always—”

“Don’t give me any crap about my intentions. You think I’m not there for you. You think I won’t be when you need me.” He slammed his palm into the steering wheel and I winced. I was petrified we’d crash.

“Tell me what you think, Stanzie!” Murphy struck the wheel again.

“I think you’d better calm down before you wreck us.” I dug my fingers into the upholstery of the seat.

“Don’t be so fucking paranoid,” he suggested, but didn’t yell or slam the wheel again.

“Look, all I did was take one class. One six-week class so if I ever got cornered again by someone bigger than me, I wouldn’t need my wolf to get me out of there.” A sob hitched in my chest. “Is that so bad?”

“I never should have left you alone that day. You could’ve made those calls from the car with me. I’m so, so sorry, Stanzie.” He took a deep breath, fighting for control.

“It’s not your fault,” I said. “I’m the one who ran off without a cell phone, without telling Jossie where I was going. And, anyway, it’s over. The bad guy’s dead. Didn’t you hear Alannah? My wolf ripped his throat out.”

Murphy winced. “You handled yourself well today.”

“Bullshit. I let her goad me into a fight.”

“And she respects you a hell of lot more now than she ever did. You won’t hear her mouth flapping anymore.”

“Oh joy.” I stared out at the wet Irish countryside. It was an alien landscape far from home.

“We brawl in this pack,” Murphy told me. “I thought you knew that.”

“I may be a member, but I don’t like settling disagreements with my fists. And I don’t like it when other people do it, either.”

“There hasn’t been a good fight in this pack in months.” Murphy gave a small laugh. “You were in the last one too, as I recall.”

“You weren’t there.” I could have slapped myself. His smile dried up and his mouth got small and tense.

“That’s becoming a running theme with me, isn’t it?” he asked.

“I only meant you didn’t see it. I wasn’t in the fight, I just brought an end to it. Paddy and Declan were the ones fighting.”

I remembered the rage that had ripped through me when I’d seen Paddy’s throat dripping blood from the piece of glass Declan Byrne clutched in his cheating hands. If there was one thing I hated worse than a fist fight, it was a fight where one person fought dirty and used a weapon when the other person had nothing.

“He would have had a scar on his face after that fight,” I whispered. If he’d lived.

“I really don’t want to talk about him, Stanzie.” Murphy looked ready to bail out of the speeding car.

I knuckled a tear from the corner of my eye. Of course not. I wasn’t Fee or anyone else in the goddamn pack. He was probably sick of talking about Paddy. But who did I have to talk about him with? Why did I always have to keep my grief to myself? I guessed I should be used to it. I’d done it when Grey and Elena died, so why should Paddy be any different?

“I thought the pack bond was supposed to make things better,” I said bitterly.

“It’s not a fucking cure, Stanzie.” Exasperated, Murphy drove a hand through his hair.

Something inside me snapped. “Maybe if somebody would bother to tell me what the fuck it is instead of what it isn’t, I wouldn’t make stupid assumptions like that, would I? It won’t control you, Stanzie. It won’t fuck you up. It won’t hurt your wolf. It won’t make you feel better about the mess of your life and it won’t cure a damn thing. What the fuck good is it then?” I drove my fist into the side window and welcomed the wallop of pain.

“I’m sorry your life is such a mess. That’s what you get for coming here. I tried to keep you out of it, but no, you had to come chasing after me,” Murphy snarled.

“Yeah, just another example of how you protect me by abandoning me like garbage. I love how you get to decide how my life is going to go. Because yours is so fucking great, everyone wants to be you, don’t they?” I snorted.

“You want to be abandoned? You want to be left on the side of the road like garbage?” Murphy twisted the wheel and the car slid across two lanes to the shoulder while cars already in those lanes blared their horns.

I wrapped my arms around my head and stopped breathing—waiting for the accident. I’d go out the same way Grey and Elena had. And this crash would be my fault too.

I didn’t want to live if Murphy didn’t. Fate could not be so cruel as to kill Murphy and leave me alive. Not again.

Murphy’s harsh breathing and the relentless pound of the rain gradually alerted me to the fact we weren’t moving and we hadn’t crashed. Not even close.

Billy Idol’s White Wedding played in my head. Elena’s scream choked off. The wet snap of her neck. Grey reaching out to me as he was sucked out the yawning door. The Mustang flipping over the guard rail, sheering off the top of the small tree. Crash, the shriek of tortured metal, the deafening silence when it was over.

When I could look at him, Murphy was slumped over the wheel, forehead braced against it, fingers white knuckled around the steering column. His heart was as loud as his breathing.

I found the door handle and yanked on it. The damn door wouldn’t open at first, until I remembered it was locked. The roar of the rain seemed to rouse Murphy. He reached for me as I slid onto the pavement. I would never, ever let him drive me anywhere again. I was through with cars. Fuck them.

The rain drenched me to the skin ten steps away from the shelter of the BMW. My jaw ached and I winced when I touched it. Bruised probably. I didn’t belong in this pack. I wasn’t Mac Tire material. I wanted to go home in the worst way. Somewhere I fit in.

“Please get in the car.” Murphy guided the BMW next to me and kept pace with my stride. I ignored him. After I blinked rain out of my eyes, I shielded them with my hand so I could look down the road for a street sign. Anything that would tell me how far away I was from Dublin. I cursed. I had no money. No purse. Where was I supposed to go? I was damned if I’d go to the apartment. Maybe I could call Fee. She might lend me some money for a hotel. Only she’d want to know what was wrong between me and Murphy and screw that.

“Stanzie.” Murphy tried again, but I didn’t look at him. He’d pulled across two lanes of oncoming traffic so he could throw me out of the car. Just because he hadn’t actually gone through the throwing me out part didn’t excuse any of it. The only person in the world I’d felt safe driving with, and now I couldn’t trust him anymore.

Did that sign say ten miles or kilometers? Jesus, everyone in the pack talked miles but the street signs were in kilometers and I couldn’t figure distances out. Why couldn’t anything ever be easy? What was the difference between ten miles and ten kilometers? Whatever it was, it was too goddamn far to walk. At least to Dublin. In the rain. Maybe there was some fucking little town or something. Anything.

“Please,” Murphy begged.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me? Scream at me to get into the car?” I glared at him. That was next. If kindness didn’t work, yelling might.

“No,” he answered. “I know I scared you.”

“You’re damn right, you did. You didn’t just scare me. You scared the shit out of me. You pulled across two. Fucking. Lanes. There were cars coming. It’s raining and you know I’m scared of driving, especially on the wrong side of the road. Do you have any fucking idea how pissed off I am?” I kicked one of his BMW’s damn tires. I hoped I left a mark. I kicked the side panel too. If I didn’t make a dent, I’d at least smear mud on his precious paint job.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“Not in the fucking car, we don’t. I think we’ve pretty effectively proved we suck at talking in the car.”

“Okay. We won’t talk until we get home. I swear. You get in and I will drive silently and carefully. Please?”

“You’re an asshole, Liam Murphy,” I told him.

“I know. A very huge asshole. I know,” he agreed.

“Don’t think I’ll forgive you just because you know you fucked up.” I wrenched open the damn door and flung myself into the passenger seat. “And don’t think I’m going to buckle my seatbelt. I’m fucking done doing things your way. I’m going do things my way for a change. No more seatbelts. No more waiting for you to finally remember I’m there. No more you telling me when I get to talk about Paddy and when I don’t and I’m not cleaning up after Fee or the baby. I’m not waiting to go out to eat until you want to. I’m not putting my life on hold so you can make everyone in the whole damn world feel better while I sit there alone. I don’t want to be your rock. You hear me, Liam Murphy? I don’t want to be your fucking rock!”

“I bet you’d like to hit me with a really big one right about now though,” he said and it was either explode or laugh.

I laughed.

* * * *

We didn’t get three feet through the apartment door before he had me on the floor, tearing at my clothes. I ripped at his too. He kicked the door shut with his foot while simultaneously slamming his cock deep inside me.

I sank my teeth into his shoulder and he yanked my hair hard.

“Are we playing rough?” he asked me.

For an answer, I head butted him. “That’s for being a giant asshole.”

When he gave one of my nipples a twist, I hissed in painful pleasure. We rolled over and over, smashed into the coffee table and knocked the lamp in the corner over. The crash of the bulb shattering was loud as hell.

“We’re not rolling around in glass.” Murphy managed to lift me up while he was still buried inside me. I locked my legs around his waist and he staggered us over to one of the sofas. We crashed down and the springs gave a protesting wail.

I scratched his back with my nails and he bit my lip until we both tasted my blood. It smeared across our faces as we kissed and he shifted so I straddled him on my knees as he sat upright.

“I love you,” he said as he tongued one of my nipples. He sucked on it, sending a shooting burst of pleasure traced a line from my breast, down my stomach to my pussy.

“I love you,” I told him. When he lifted his head, his eyes gleamed with tears he blinked away.

“Say it again,” he begged. “Tell me again.”

“I love you.” I cupped his face with my hands. Beneath my fingers, his cheeks were smooth and warm. When his wolf colored his eyes amber, my wolf reached for his through me. He pulled me down so he could kiss me and our lovemaking turned slow and gentle. His touch was reverent and lingering, his kisses a drug that pulled me into him, so my heart beat in time with his.

He brushed his lips, feather light, across my bruised jaw and bleeding lip, whispered to me in Irish as we moved together in a slowly building rhythm until he drew his breath in with a hiss and said, “I’m gonna come, Stanzie. Come with me. Please, honey, now. Now.”

A rush of energy, my soul to his, and I buried my face in his sticky warm throat as the orgasm rocked through me. God, I loved this infuriating man.