Читать книгу Phobias, Disappointments and Grief: A Fast Remedy - Андрей Ермошин - Страница 24

I love my wife and kids but I am not happy

Dima is 28 years old. For more than three years he has been suffering from vegetovascular dystonia, with sympathoadrenal episodes and panic attacks. In this case panic attacks manifested in the heartbeat, as shortness of breath, sweaty palms, cold sweat, and excessive urination.

He came to our appointment with his wife. She must have decided to come to support Dima.

Dima told me that he had undergone treatment at the clinic of neuroses; he was prescribed “Relanium”, which seems to help him but only for a short period of time.

He also visited a psychic who was trying to remove the jinx. This “treatment” seemed to have distracted Dima from his anxiety for some time. Apart from that, he visited another doctor who determined that it was “nervous system disturbance on the left side”. This visit also seemed to give some temporary improvement, but soon everything went back to its usual state.

Dima doesn’t go out much as he is afraid he might feel unwell. “My job is OK but sometimes I can’t stand it because of my condition. I love my child, but I cannot pay as much attention to him as I would like,” he said with a sad voice.

Dima’s wife treats him well. You can see it from the expression on her face, the way she looks at him no matter what he says, also she has a sense of comfort that one could notice in her posture.

I didn’t notice anything

“Do you have any idea what is going on?” – I asked the couple.

“We do,” they answer together but then Dima takes the initiative. “There was an incident several years ago, and this is when it all started. I was on my way to pick up my wife and son at my sister-in-law’s. I was feeling happy, looking forward to meeting them. Before I went into the flat, my sister-in-law said: ‘Something has happened to your parents’. It felt as if hot water was being poured on me. There was a sinking feeling that then left my body through my feet. I started asking what had happened. It turned out my mother-in-law had a bad dream about my parents and she always claims her dreams come true!”

“I felt really worried,” Dima continues. “I tried calling my parents (they used to live in Uzbekistan back then) but I couldn’t get through. Only 24 hours later I finally reached them, and I asked them cautiously how they were doing. They said everything was OK. I kept asking and found out that indeed there had been a small accident: my dad’s car got hit from behind but the damage was minimal and with no injuries. I calmed down but then one week later I had the first anxiety attack that scared me so much…”

A woman in my chest

We begin exploring the sensations. Dima points to the pressure in his chest.

“What is that feeling?” I ask.

“A woman is sitting there…” – Dima replies.

“Who is it?”

“My mother-in-law,” he sounds absolutely sure about it. “It was her who started it when the breakdown happened,” he sounds annoyed.

Then it turned out that the mother-in-law wasn’t the only reason. Dima seems to have the same reaction to any situation when the circumstances are pressuring him: he suffers, says nothing, and it makes him angry. He would really like to tell some of them to get lost, but he has to stop himself. “When I was a child, I could openly say what I didn’t like and have it my own way, but now I cannot do it anymore.” Dima removed his mother-in-law and others from his chest and resolved to expressing his discontent in a civilized way. The knowledge of how he could react differently moved down to his body. It was as if his soul suddenly matured. For some time Dima became busy with his work and family, and we lost touch.

Bargain till the end and pay in full

Several years later I was standing in the street hailing a cab when suddenly a car stopped and from inside a smiling face was looking back at me. This man offered to give me a lift and called me by my name. As soon as I got into the car I realized it was Dima. I feel great, – he said happily, – I haven’t needed a doctor’s help since then. We talked about this and that. When we got to my destination I got my wallet out.

“No, no, there’s no need to!” Dima protested.

“Do you remember how you were telling me about your grandfather” words: “Bargain till the end and pay in full’? Please take the money; you’ve earned it.”

Dima didn’t protest any more. He had paid me for my work and hadn’t tried to bargain. Dima’s story has a lot of typical details like “It felt as if hot water was being poured on me,” “the sensation went through my body and left it through my feet,” “my chest feels tight”. The logic of affect gives you information on how it can be treated. If there’s a tight feeling in the chest, you should release this tension. If there were sensations passing through your body, then they will leave through your body as well. In any case there must be a reverse process. The images one experiences can be very different. As we have just seen, you can even experience “your mother-in-law sitting on your chest”.