Читать книгу Highlanders Collection - Бренда Джойс, Ann Lethbridge - Страница 14

‘Are you afraid?’ he asked. He didn’t want her to be. He wanted to hold her in his arms this night, to forget the years of torture and darkness.

‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘Not of … being with you, but—’ Her words broke off and her face flushed. ‘We don’t really know each other. It seems strange.’ Her face turned to the ground, her cheeks red with embarrassment. ‘I’ll try not to let that interfere.’

Her honesty was like ice water upon his desire, reminding him that she’d been with someone else before him. She knew what it was to join with a man and she spoke of it as though it were something to be endured instead of enjoyed.

It darkened his mood even more. ‘Did he hurt you?’

The question came out before he could stop himself. He needed to know what had happened between them.

She shook her head slowly. But there was a sadness behind her eyes, and he sensed that her husband had not brought her pleasure within their marriage bed.

Jealousy snarled inside him. ‘What was it like … with him?’

She sat on the mattress and drew her knees up, holding them to her chest. ‘Bram, I don’t want to talk about those years. I’d rather forget them.’

He exhaled slowly, feeling cruel for even bringing it up. She didn’t appear to have enjoyed her previous marriage bed. Likely she was in no hurry to repeat the experience.

It frustrated him, because he didn’t want her to lie back and endure his affections. He wanted her breathless and willing. He wanted to taste her skin, to tempt her in ways that his imagination had conjured.

His gaze drifted over her body, resting upon the full curves of her breasts, the swell of her hips. ‘You’re as fair as I remember, a ghaoil.’ He sat beside her and she tried to venture a smile.

She gently touched his bared chest. At the warmth of her fingers against the scarred flesh his body responded with aching lust. She rested her cheek against his heart and he touched her hair, lifting her face to his.

He kissed her lips softly, moving down to the sensitive part of her throat. Goose flesh erupted upon her skin, and she let out a breath of air.

‘Are you all right?’ he murmured.

‘Just nervous.’

It seemed that the more he touched her, the more uneasy she became. He tried to kiss her again, pressing her back onto the mattress. At the touch of his hands upon her legs, she shivered, suddenly turning her face away.

He knew he’d done something to bother her, but he didn’t understand what it was. He stroked her long legs, moving higher. Nairna’s face reddened and her shoulders trembled. She was reacting strongly to his touch and her fingers curled tightly as she felt him caress her knees.

When he reached her inner thighs, she jerked away. ‘I can’t. I’m sorry.’ She clamped her knees together, clutching them as she shuddered. ‘It tickles.’

It was the last reaction he’d expected; frankly, he didn’t know what to do now. He’d broken the mood and it was clear that she wasn’t at all aroused. Like a fumbling adolescent, he’d done everything wrong.

Frustration and anger boiled inside and he turned away so she wouldn’t see his annoyance with himself.

‘Bram,’ she said, her voice filled with remorse, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to react that way, but my legs are sensitive.’

He felt the shift of the mattress as she lay down beside him. Nairna reached out to his shoulder. ‘Will you let me touch you now?’ she asked.

He rolled over, staring at her. Her deep-brown hair, like the warmth of polished walnut, fell against her linen shift. Pale milky skin held not a single freckle from the sun and he well remembered the taste of those soft lips.

Her hands moved over his chest and she directed him to turn onto his stomach. He felt the warmth of her lips upon his neck and a tremor brushed through him. She kissed his scars, tracing over the years of pain as if she could eradicate them with her fingers.

A slow heat built inside him; letting her explore his skin was a different form of torture. His body was heavy with need and he couldn’t endure much more of this.

Bram rolled over and sat up, her legs straddling his waist. He took possession of her mouth, as if to show her all of the desire he’d held back over the years. The taste of her was like sunlight to his shadows and he drew her closer. She was soft, warm, and he imagined lifting her hips to impale her with his shaft.

Her tongue tangled with his, and at her unexpected response his hands started shaking. He had caressed his way down to her bottom, and between her legs his fingers encountered moisture.

He wanted to delve inside her, to tempt her into surrendering. But it was too soon for that.

He could feel the control slipping away and pulled back, afraid of losing awareness. His breathing was shallow, his body rigid with need.

Uncertain eyes met his, as though Nairna didn’t know why he’d stopped. But it was too similar to the night when he’d let his mind slip into the shadows. He didn’t trust himself to join with her, not when his mind was dominated by lust.

He might hurt her again, when that was the last thing he wanted. For a moment, he rested his hands upon her spine, hoping to regain command of himself. But his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

‘I’m sorry for earlier,’ she whispered. ‘I never meant to offend you.’

She misunderstood the reason why he’d stopped, but he didn’t correct her. He didn’t want to reveal how close he’d come to the edge again.

He pulled her shift down lower, ignoring his body’s needs, and locking away the desire he longed to quench.

‘Are you all right?’ she asked, reaching for him.

He could see the hurt confusion in her eyes, but there was nothing he could say to ease her embarrassment. He couldn’t control his shaking hands, or his body’s fierce response to her.

‘It’s late, Nairna. Go to sleep.’ He turned away from her, wishing he could master his physical reactions.

Staring at the empty spaces between the wooden boards, he felt the warmth of her breasts pressing against his back. Her arm moved around his waist and he shoved back the instinctive need to touch her.

He couldn’t make love to her until he could control himself. It wasn’t safe and he didn’t want to risk hurting her.

He’d never forgive himself if he lost himself in the madness again.

The rope tightened across his throat, the hemp abrading the bloody skin. Bram’s vision blurred as they choked him and though he fought off the soldiers, the darkness closed in. He fought against death’s summons, willing himself to stay alive. He had to, for Callum’s sake. His brother hadn’t spoken in several weeks and he seemed lost in a world of his own madness.

With his feet, Bram kicked hard, sending the soldier stumbling upon the ground. Air blasted through his lungs and he nearly passed out as he fought to breathe.

A quarterstaff came down upon his shoulders and he gritted his teeth as the wood reverberated through his muscles, bruising his flesh. Through it all, Callum never stopped staring. His brother was only twenty years old, held captive since the age of thirteen. Too young to have witnessed so much pain and horror.

When the soldiers stopped beating him, Bram tasted blood and he crawled through the dirt to lie at his brother’s feet. He pushed away the pain, concentrating on one breath at a time. The cool dirt chilled his face, but eventually he gathered the strength to lift his head.

‘I’m going to get us out, Brother. I swear it on our father’s life. ‘

But Callum made no reply. The emptiness in his brother’s eyes spoke more than any words.

The vision faded away and Bram’s eyes were dry, staring into the grey morning light. Whether he’d fallen asleep or simply been caught up by the memory, he couldn’t be sure. His eyes ached and his muscles were rigid and sore.

Beside him, Nairna was fast asleep, her long hair covering one shoulder. For a long time he watched her sleeping. Despite their awkward living arrangements, he was grateful to have her near.

Slowly, he eased closer until her shoulders were pressed against his chest. She stirred slightly, but then snuggled back against him. The softness of her body made a tightness gather in his chest. Simply feeling the warmth of a human touch was something he hadn’t had in so long. He held her gently, for fear of waking her.

She hadn’t touched him with repulsion, as he’d thought she would. Nor had she shied away from lying with him—instead, she’d held him. He breathed in the soft scent of her skin, as if drawing strength from her.

But his mind taunted him for even thinking he could have a woman like Nairna. You don’t deserve a normal life. Or a wife and family. Not after what you did to Callum.

With reluctance, he let Nairna go and rose from his bed. Though it wasn’t yet dawn, he knew he wouldn’t find sleep again.

Nairna hardly saw Bram all that following morning and afternoon. She’d overheard him speaking to Alex about plans to rescue Callum, but she didn’t know when they would leave.

Did they honestly believe Bram could fight the English so soon? He hadn’t recovered from his imprisonment, and though there was muscle beneath his thin frame, he wasn’t strong enough to defeat his enemy.

Last night, she’d slept poorly, worrying about him. He’d seemed eager to make love with her, only to stop without any explanation of why. She didn’t know if she’d humiliated him with her unintended laughter. Or, worse, if she’d done something else wrong.

For a long time, she’d lain awake, her body needing his. She remembered the touch of his hands between her legs and the thought only conjured up more restless desire.

In the middle of the night, she’d awakened, only to find that Bram’s eyes were open and he was staring at the ceiling.

How could anyone endure a life with so little sleep? It was no wonder his mind was still imprisoned.

She was a woman accustomed to taking care of people. At Ballaloch and Callendon, she’d ensured that everyone had enough to eat and everyone’s needs were met. No one went hungry if she could help it.

But Bram’s needs went beyond hunger and rest. He wasn’t a man she could fix with food or a soft mattress.

He needs you, a voice inside her reminded. Bram’s rough features hid a man she wanted to know. The scarring revealed his courage to survive. If she’d suffered the same imprisonment, she’d have given up within the first year.

But he hadn’t. He’d endured more than any man should have. And though the expression on his face was grim, holding years of fatigue, there was also determination.

He loved his brother and he wouldn’t fail him. She understood that sort of loyalty and respected it.

But would he hold the same loyalty towards their marriage when he discovered her childlessness? It already bothered him to no end that she was not a virgin. She could see the tension in his body, the hidden jealousy in his eyes.

And Bram was nothing like Iver. He tempted her, breaking down her resolves with his mind-stealing kisses and his rough hands. Even last night when she’d slept beside him, the warmth of his body was not unwelcome. She’d felt him holding her close, his face buried against her hair.

Iver had never bothered with affection. He’d simply taken her body beneath his and accomplished his duty. With Bram, she sensed there would be far more.

She tried to shake off the tremulous feelings that prickled inside. Today, she had to learn more about the MacKinloch clan and decide how she could best help them.

She walked around Glen Arrin, surveying the grounds. The fortress showed clear signs of neglect and it bothered her that no one had lifted a hand to tidy up the mess or rebuild the rotted timbers. It was as if no one cared or had any pride remaining. Even the men had a sense of weariness about them.

As she continued back to the keep, she felt the eyes of the others boring into her skin, as though she were an oddity. Though they had been polite to her, it made her uncomfortable.

Something was wrong at Glen Arrin, but she couldn’t quite determine what it was. Something beyond the poverty. Her eyes narrowed, searching for the source of her discontent.

As her gaze fell upon the different clansmen working at their tasks, tending their plots of land and going about their duties, the problem suddenly crystallised in her mind.

There were no women and children. Not anywhere.

Shock numbed Nairna from inside, though she tried to remain calm. Where could they be? Were they staying somewhere else, perhaps within a different fortress not far from here?

Or had something happened to them?