Читать книгу Ready for Marriage? - Anne Marie Winston - Страница 8

One

‘‘Derek, I think we should get married.’’

‘‘You think we—what?’’ Derek Mahoney almost dropped the instrument he was using to place sutures in a setter’s paw. Sensing a break in the veterinarian’s concentration, the animal tried to flounder to its feet.

Kristin Gordon shifted her grip on the squirming canine she was holding for Derek. Her thick, curly braid slid forward and she flipped it back out of the way with an impatient toss of her head. ‘‘I said I think we should get married.’’

‘‘Oh.’’ Derek grinned and relaxed. Kristin hadn’t changed a bit since she was a teenager. She still came up with all kinds of wild ideas. ‘‘Sure thing, Kris. Do you think we could fit it in during my lunch break?’’

Kristin’s green eyes narrowed as she studied him over the top of the dog’s head. Her dark brows, striking against her porcelain skin, rose and drew together in what Derek recognized as a temper-pending, ‘‘This-is-not-a-joke’’ look. ‘‘Derek, I’m—’’

‘‘Serious,’’ he said in unison with her.

‘‘Morning, Dr. Mahoney. Hi, Kristin. Thanks for filling in for me. When I dropped my kids off at school, I realized I had a flat tire.’’ Faye, Derek’s veterinary technician, breezed into the Quartz Forge Animal Clinic, still buttoning her lab coat. ‘‘How’s old Princess doing?’’

‘‘She looks great for a twelve-year-old dog that tangled with a mower blade.’’ Derek lifted the animal and set her gently on the floor, grateful for the change of subject. ‘‘Mrs. Peters is in the waiting room. You can take Princess out to her. No vigorous exercise, antibiotics, an Elizabethan collar if she chews at the stitches.’’

‘‘Okay.’’ Faye handed him a chart. ‘‘Mutley is coming in for exploratory surgery tomorrow. The owner would like to talk to you again before he goes under the knife.’’

Derek took the chart as he opened the door for Faye and the aging red setter to precede him.

‘‘Derek?’’

Reluctantly, he looked over his shoulder. For a minute there, he’d actually thought he was going to get out of the room without further discussion. ‘‘Kris.’’ He inclined his head toward the door. ‘‘I have a waiting room full of anxious pet owners out there to see. You have to take care of my daughter and get back to your own work. Why don’t we discuss the wedding plans tonight?’’

‘‘You’re not taking this seriously.’’ She was still frowning as she marched past him.

‘‘You’re right.’’ He couldn’t resist tugging on the end of her long, blond braid. He’d often teased her this way over the past ten years—since the first time he’d seen her when he’d come to the Pennsylvania mountains to interview with her father for the veterinary practice partnership Paul Gordon was advertising. She’d been a tomboyish sixteen-year-old then. These days, she wore her hair up in a practical, if often untidy style most of the time.

Other than that, she hadn’t changed all that much, he thought in amusement as he surveyed her tall, slender figure clad in one of her father’s old flannel shirts and a loose pair of khaki trousers. If it weren’t for that glorious mane of curls, she could have been a boy.

‘‘My daddy!’’

Derek jerked up his head at the sound of the childish voice. He barely had time to catch his not-quite-three-year-old daughter as Mollie hurled herself down the hallway and into his arms.

‘‘Hey, squirt.’’ He rubbed his nose gently against hers. ‘‘Have you had fun playing with Sandy while Kristin helped me?’’ Sandy, his receptionist, wasn’t confident handling big dogs. She’d volunteered to watch Mollie if Kristin would help Derek until Faye arrived.

‘‘We made paper dolls!’’ Mollie waved the string of paper figures at him while she paused, clearly thinking of her next words. He drank in the sight of her big, earnest blue eyes, the rosy cheeks and flyaway dark curls.

What would he have done without her? Losing Deb had been the worst nightmare a man could ever have. One day, they’d been eagerly anticipating the birth of their first child. The next, he’d been hearing phrases like, ‘‘No options,’’ ‘‘metastasize’’ and ‘‘can’t risk radiation during the pregnancy.’’ They’d spent the remaining nine weeks of Deb’s pregnancy in a daze. It wasn’t until two months after Mollie’s birth, when he’d stood beside his wife’s grave holding his healthy infant daughter in his arms, that he’d begun to realize the finality of what the doctors had told him.

Mollie was still chattering away as Kristin approached, holding the light jacket he’d put on his daughter this morning before he’d dropped her off at Kristin’s town house. ‘‘Come on, Mols. Let’s get your coat on and go play outside.’’

Derek set Mollie on the floor and she immediately ran to Kristin, who gave her a hug before stuffing her small arms into the coat. ‘‘Were you a good girl for Miss Sandy?’’

‘‘Yes.’’ Mollie nodded positively.

‘‘Great! I’m proud of you. Tell Daddy we’ll see him at supper time.’’

‘‘Bye, Daddy. See you at supper time,’’ Mollie parroted, and he waved as Kristin led her out the back door. As the door closed behind them, he shook his head fondly. What a pair. The two were as close as sisters. He couldn’t have asked for a better friend than Kristin over the past few years.

‘‘Kristin takes mighty good care of that little girl of yours.’’ Faye came back down the hallway carrying a cat that was scheduled for blood work.

Derek nodded. ‘‘I don’t know what I’d do without her.’’ Then he grinned, remembering how Kristin had shaken him up in the exam room. ‘‘But she sure does come up with some mighty strange schemes.’’

Faye smiled. She’d worked for Kristin’s father, ‘‘Doc’’ Gordon, before Derek took over the practice and she’d known Kristin since she had been a young child. ‘‘Let me guess. She wants to start flying lessons.’’

‘‘Nope.’’

‘‘Join the police academy?’’

Derek chuckled and shook his head.

‘‘Take an Alaskan wilderness trek?’’

‘‘Not even close. She thinks I should marry her.’’

To his surprise, Faye didn’t give an immediate belly laugh as he’d expected. ‘‘Hmm,’’ was all she said. The matter-of-fact way she’d accepted the statement shook him more than he liked.

‘‘What does ‘hmm’ mean?’’

Faye shrugged. ‘‘It’s a pretty good idea, if you ask me.’’

‘‘Are you kidding?’’ He stopped dead. ‘‘She’s way too young for me.’’

‘‘You’re thirty-four years old.’’ Faye was over fifty and she only shook her head. ‘‘That’s young. And Kristin was twenty-five last week. You’re not even a decade apart.’’

He stared at her, feeling ridiculously betrayed. He’d been sure Faye would laugh and agree with him about Kristin’s harebrained idea. ‘‘It’s a nutty idea, just like most of her other schemes.’’

She ignored his warning tone. ‘‘Mollie needs a mother. Who better than the woman who’s cared for her since she was born? And you need a wife, but just anybody won’t do. You need somebody who’s as bullheaded as you, somebody who will bark back when you get difficult—’’

‘‘Kristin is hardly a woman.’’ He knew his face mirrored the irritation he was feeling.

Faye hooted. ‘‘Give me a break, Derek. She ain’t a man and she’s way too old to be a teenager!’’

‘‘That may be, but she’s not marriage material.’’ His tone was curt as he turned away and continued down the hall before she could see the red flush he was pretty sure was climbing his face. Faye must be crazy. He had no intention of ever marrying again. Why should he? His life was just fine the way it was—as fine as it ever could be without Deb. No one could replace her in his heart.

Besides, Deb hadn’t been bullheaded and they’d never had a shouting match in the entire ten years of their marriage. She was nothing like Kristin, a whirlwind of opinionated energy. No, no one could ever be the same as his sweet, gentle Deb.

She’d been warm and loving, filling the world around her with her own special brand of quiet peace until the cancer had extinguished her life and destroyed his. If it hadn’t been for Mollie, their precious gift, thankfully untouched by the illness that ravaged her mother, he’d have laid down and died with Deb.

The thought of his bouncy baby girl soothed the deep sorrow that still filled him at the thought of living a lifetime without Deb. He was darn lucky to have such a handy arrangement with Kris. Mollie couldn’t be in better hands.

Hands. Recalling the chart he still held, he remembered it was Friday and he had patients waiting. He wanted to be finished by noon so he could spend the afternoon doing well-checks on new arrivals at the Appalachian Animal Sanctuary, a nonprofit shelter Kristin’s father had founded a few years before his death. Forcing himself to dismiss thoughts of Kristin, he went on down the hall to talk about Mutley.

But that evening, as he said farewell to the volunteers at the animal sanctuary’s on-site clinic, Kristin’s words were still replaying themselves in his ears. He hadn’t been able to think of anything else today. Every time he’d surfaced from whatever procedure he was concentrating on, he heard her again. I think we should get married.

Crazy! He felt a sensation oddly akin to panic clutch at his chest as he parked in his driveway and walked up the front walk of his home. It was a beautiful old brick manor house in the small town of Quartz Forge, just minutes from the Michaux Forest and the Appalachian Trail. Kristin had shared it with her father until his sudden death from a heart attack nearly eight years ago. Just like Mollie, her own mother had passed away when she was an infant. After Paul Gordon had died, Kristin had claimed the place was too big for just her, so he’d bought it from her at generous fair-market value for the family he and Deb anticipated would fill it one day. Kristin had protested the amount, but he’d been firm. It wasn’t as if he’d ever miss that amount of money, although Kristin didn’t know that. No one in Quartz Forge knew the extent of his personal fortune and he was happy to keep it that way.

His personal fortune. The realization that he was a wealthy man—no, make that a filthy-rich man—still didn’t seem real. Thanks to his brother’s savvy dealings, the ten million he’d started with had increased significantly just in the fifteen years he’d had it. Maybe, he thought, he just didn’t want it to be real. Because if it hadn’t happened, his parents would still be alive and enjoying their first and only grandchild.

He still could barely think of them. In one of the most improbable scenarios ever, his parents had been swimming while on a second honeymoon in the Caribbean when they had been struck by a young drunk speedboat driver while Derek and his brother Damon were in high school. It turned out their killer was a Saudi prince. The young man’s father, furious at his son’s reckless behavior, settled a multimillion-dollar sum on the two Mahoney brothers and nullified the prince’s position as his heir, elevating another of his sons instead. While it hadn’t brought back his parents and it wasn’t justice as Americans knew it, Derek imagined the punishment was far more effective in the long run than the suspended jail sentence the young man had received.

The heavy inner door opened while he was mounting the steps, interrupting his morose thoughts. Mollie appeared behind the screen, waving wildly. A moment later, Kristin appeared behind her. She glanced at him, unsmiling, and then stepped back, eyes averted, as he opened the door and walked inside.

‘‘My daddy! My daddy!’’ Mollie chattered happily about her day as he swung her up into his arms for a hug. An instant later she was squirming to be set down, babbling something about Play-Doh that she apparently wanted him to see. As she raced out of the front hallway, he risked a glance at Kristin.

‘‘Looks like you two had a fun afternoon. How long did she nap today?’’

‘‘Two hours.’’ Kristin’s voice was so carefully neutral that he could tell without a doubt she was still angry. She was normally the most expressive person he knew, her green eyes telegraphing joy or amusement or outrage or whatever it was she was feeling. ‘‘She woke up about four.’’

He checked the hallway. Mollie still hadn’t reappeared. ‘‘Um, Kris, about what you said this morning?’’

She didn’t speak, only tilted her head and lifted her eyebrows in cool query.

‘‘It’s just not that easy.’’ She was studying a spot just beyond his left shoulder and he had a shockingly strong impulse to grab her and shake her until she looked at him. ‘‘People don’t just get married because it’s convenient, or—or because it would solve a few logistical problems. You’re a great baby-sitter and you know I’ll never be able to thank you enough for the way you’ve stepped in to help me raise Mollie, but—’’ he made a helpless gesture ‘‘—that’s no reason to try to force us into becoming a family.’’

There was a long silence in the hallway and he could hear his own awkward words echoing around them. Finally, when she still didn’t respond, he demanded, ‘‘Do you understand what I’m trying to say?’’

‘‘Perfectly.’’ Her voice was chilly. ‘‘You want to monopolize my life and my youth because it’s a convenient arrangement for you.’’

He was shocked. ‘‘That’s not true!’’ Was it?

‘‘Look, Derek.’’ Kristin’s face took on the mutinous expression he knew from experience meant that he was going to have to use every trick in the book to change her opinion. Her tone went from cool to heated. ‘‘This isn’t fair to me or to Molly. She’s growing far too dependent on me. You’re setting yourself up for trouble when you do get married again some day. She’ll have a terrible time acclimating to a new mother.’’

‘‘Dependent how?’’ The tone in her voice made him uneasy and he ignored the rest of her words because he had no idea how to respond. Why did he have to get married again? He was perfectly happy the way he was.

Or at least he had been. He wasn’t sure where this was going but he was fairly sure he wasn’t going to like where it ended.

‘‘She’s been calling me Mommy. Not often, but sometimes it just slips out. Given the amount of time we’re together, it’s probably natural—and that’s what I wanted to talk about.’’ She took a deep breath and her voice quavered. ‘‘I think you should find a new baby-sitter for Mollie.’’

He was stunned. No, not stunned. Sledgehammer-in-the-forehead totally shocked. He couldn’t even formulate an answer. At that moment, Mollie came racing toward him again, demanding he see her artwork.

‘‘There’s a roast in the oven,’’ Kristin said, ‘‘with carrots and potatoes. Mollie’s had plenty of fruit and vegetables today so she could have some ice cream for dessert.’’

‘‘You’re not staying?’’ Kristin nearly always ate with them on weekday evenings.

‘‘No.’’ She turned away and took her jacket from the knob of the hall closet. ‘‘I’ve got some things to do this evening.’’

Darn Derek anyway!

The following afternoon, Kristin scowled at the columns of figures before her, but she couldn’t concentrate on the quarterly taxes she should be completing for a local artist. Derek still thought of her as a giddy teenager, she could tell. Why couldn’t he see how much she had changed and matured? He trusted her to raise his daughter, but he couldn’t believe she was grown-up.

Well, that was going to change. She was tired of being good old helpful Kristin, part of the woodwork. Deb had died more than two years ago.

Sadness hovered, threatening to spirit away her righteous annoyance. She’d loved Deb like a sister. And had Deb lived, Kristin would never have acknowledged her own feelings for Derek as anything more than an adolescent crush. But she wasn’t a teenager anymore. She was a woman. A woman who loved him deeply.

And he’d made it very clear today that he wasn’t the least bit interested in changing the way he viewed her.

She sighed. Was it so wrong of her to want a family of her own and a love for the rest of her life? She was a good mother to Mollie and she knew the little girl loved her. But that wasn’t enough.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, stubbornly denying tears. She was too practical to spend the rest of her life wishing for the moon. She was twenty-five years old, and she’d barely even given other men a second glance. All her life, she’d never been seriously attracted to anyone else…because she compared them all to Derek? There had been guys in college who had asked her out, but she hadn’t been interested in developing any relationships. She’d had one sexual encounter so tepid it barely ranked as such.

And it was all Derek’s fault. He still had been married then and she’d never even entertained the thought that he might be hers someday. Even so, he’d been the standard by which she’d judged other men, even if she hadn’t realized it at the time.

But then Deb had died. And gradually, she’d acknowledged that her girlish love hadn’t faded, hadn’t died. It had simply matured into a woman’s love. Her heart ached to heal him, but he wouldn’t let her get close.

And Kristin wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life waiting for Derek to wake up. If he didn’t want her, it was time to move on. Her heart uttered a protest but she shushed it ruthlessly. Maybe there wasn’t another Derek Mahoney out there, but there were plenty of men, good men who could love her, men with whom she could make a home and a family.

And if a corner of her heart would always belong to Derek, she would be the only one to know or care.

Decision made, she nodded to herself, then picked up her pencil, determined to accomplish something in the limited time she had. Mollie still napped during the day and Kristin found the quiet afternoons were one of her most productive times. The accounting work she did was portable and she simply brought it along with her when she came to Derek’s house each afternoon.

It was a good arrangement. He dropped Mollie off in the morning. Kristin fed her breakfast. At noon, they went back to Derek’s house for lunch and then Mollie napped while Kristin worked.

The only time it got a little hairy was during the last frantic weeks of tax season, when she could work every hour of every day if she chose, and sometimes took on more than she should. But the money was good…and heaven knew she hadn’t been in a position to turn down extra income over the years since her father had died. Not after the debts she’d discovered he’d left.

Actually, if she went to work full-time as an accountant, she would be able to pay off the remainder of the debt in a year or so, rather than the longer term she’d projected. That wouldn’t be so bad, she encouraged herself.

Yes, it had been a good arrangement that she and Derek had had. But it was going to have to end.

Mollie woke shortly after four. Her schedule was fairly predictable unless she was ill, and Kristin let her help make a meat loaf for the evening meal. She had just taken the dish out of the oven at five-thirty when the front door opened.

She heard Mollie’s excited little voice as she chirped out the events of her day. Sarge, the shepherd mix who accompanied Derek to the clinic each day, came galloping down the hall with an exuberantly wagging tail to greet her, and she cuddled the big dog for a moment before setting his food bowl on the floor and leaving him to eat.

‘‘…’ n me ’n Mommy went to the libary ’n we went to the store ’n I taked a nap—’’

‘‘You and Kristin,’’ Derek corrected her.

‘‘Yeah.’’ The little girl was completely unfazed. ‘‘An’ nen I played wif Play-Doh!’’

Kristin smiled grimly to herself as she stuffed her work in her briefcase and walked toward the front of the house. Had he thought she was exaggerating about Mollie’s new name for her?

Derek still stood in the foyer holding Mollie in his arms. His daughter had his face sandwiched between her two tiny hands as she looked intently into his eyes and Kristin’s heart contracted at the sight of the two dark heads so close together. Quietly, she picked up her jacket. ‘‘Hi. I just took the meat loaf out so you can have dinner right away.’’

Derek stared at her, his blue eyes dark and shuttered. ‘‘You’re not eating with us again?’’

‘‘No. I have a board meeting tonight.’’ Since she’d finished college, she’d sat on the animal sanctuary’s board of directors.

His eyebrows rose. ‘‘That doesn’t start until seven. You have plenty of time.’’

She couldn’t hold the eye contact as she started around him, expecting him to move out of her way. But he didn’t move, and his broad shoulder was too close to the door for her to pull it open. Taking a deep breath, she met his gaze with a defiant one of her own. ‘‘No, thank you. Excuse me.’’

‘‘Are you ever going to have supper with us again?’’ He moved aside, but acted as if he hadn’t even heard her and his tone was so aggressive she nearly took a step back before she caught herself.

‘‘I don’t know,’’ she said cautiously. This angry man wasn’t a Derek with whom she was familiar. He was normally one of the most unflappable people she knew. Of course, half the time he walked around in a fog, thinking about something to do with the animals he treated, she thought tenderly. Then she squelched her mental wanderings. Derek was still standing there waiting for an answer. ‘‘Probably. Mollie’s birthday is coming up in a few months. I’ll make something special for her that night.’’

‘‘September! That’s three months away.’’ Both she and Mollie jumped when he bellowed. Mollie immediately started to cry, and the anger in his face turned to helpless concern as he rubbed her little back. ‘‘I’m sorry, Munchkin. I didn’t mean to scare you.’’

‘‘D-daddy, don’t yell at Kristin,’’ Mollie said. She still had tears in her eyes but the little treble voice was firm.

Derek’s mouth dropped open. ‘‘She sounds just like you!’’ he said accusingly.

Kristin knew that wasn’t a compliment but she wasn’t prepared for the hurt that sliced through her. Deb had been sweet and quiet and charming. If she’d ever raised her voice or issued an ultimatum, Kristin couldn’t remember it and she sincerely doubted Deb had ever defied Derek in their entire life together. She, Kristin, couldn’t be more different from Derek’s beloved wife.

Leaning forward, she dropped a kiss on the little girl’s forehead. ‘‘See you tomorrow, honey,’’ she murmured. The action brought her far too close to Derek and she hastily pulled back and escaped before he could point out any more of her deficiencies.

* * *

Her phone rang just as she was getting out of the shower that evening. She wrapped a bath sheet around her and sprinted for her bedroom, where the closest handset was. ‘‘Hello?’’

‘‘We have to talk,’’ Derek said without preamble.

‘‘There isn’t anything to talk about.’’

‘‘You know that’s not true,’’ he said. ‘‘Kris, you can’t just cut yourself out of Mollie’s life so suddenly. She depends on you.’’

‘‘It’s not like I’m moving to California. I’ll be two miles away.’’

‘‘But she sees you almost every day.’’

‘‘All right.’’ She threw an exasperated hand into the air even though he couldn’t see her. ‘‘I’ll come by a couple days a week and have lunch with her after you get a new sitter.’’ She made an effort to soften her tone. ‘‘That way she won’t feel like I’m abandoning her.’’

‘‘I wish you wouldn’t do this.’’ His voice was soft and persuasive.

She wavered, nearly succumbing to the plea. But then she recalled the way he’d refused to take her seriously yesterday. ‘‘I have to,’’ she said equally softly. ‘‘I need to start living my own life, Derek. And so do you.’’

‘‘What does that mean?’’ There was a note of suspicion in his tone now.

She sighed. What could she say that would persuade him to stop trying to change her mind? ‘‘We spend far too much of our free time together.’’

‘‘So?’’

‘‘So we each need to learn to live alone.’’

‘‘Yesterday you wanted to marry me.’’

‘‘Yes,’’ she said steadily, ‘‘I did.’’ If he was trying to get her goat, he was succeeding. ‘‘But you made your position crystal-clear so I might as well accept it.’’

‘‘I think you’re punishing me for telling you no.’’

‘‘I am not!’’ she said indignantly. ‘‘I just think it’s time we all moved on. Deb’s been gone almost three years, and we’ve floated along in the same arrangement we had before she died. It can’t be good for any of us and if it isn’t going to be permanent, then we need to recognize that. I want a family of my own someday and no man is going to be interested in me as long as I’m so involved with you and Mollie.’’ Lordy, she hoped he didn’t take that statement at more than face value. She was already feeling humiliated enough without having him know that she had feelings for him.

There was a heavy silence on the line and she held her breath. Derek could barely stand to have his wife’s name mentioned; how was he going to react to that statement?

Then he sighed. ‘‘Maybe you’re right,’’ he said quietly. ‘‘It isn’t fair of me to monopolize you indefinitely. You’ve been so wonderful with Mollie that it was easy for me to forget you have your own life to live.’’

‘‘Thank you.’’ She had to work to keep her throat from closing up. This was a poor second-best option if she couldn’t have him. It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her entire life. ‘‘I have to go. See you Monday.’’

‘‘Kris?’’ She loved the way he said her nickname. No one else had ever called her that.

‘‘Yes?’’

‘‘I don’t want to lose touch. Promise me you won’t dump us completely.’’

She laughed, perilously close to tears again. ‘‘I’d never do that. You and Mollie are the only family I have.’’

There was a small, warm silence.

‘‘’Night,’’ she said.

‘‘’Night.’’ His voice was affectionate.

Slowly, she hung up the phone and sank down on the side of her bed, heedless of the damp towel, fighting back the sobs that tightened her chest.

As she reached for a tissue, the phone rang again. She checked the caller ID, tempted to ignore it, but when she recognized the voice of the treasurer of the animal sanctuary’s board, she thought she’d better take it. The time was well past nine, not a usual time for him to be calling. She hoped there wasn’t a problem.