Читать книгу Royals Untamed! - Andie Brock, Annie West - Страница 16

CHAPTER EIGHT

THE HEAT OF the desert was far more intense than Amber remembered. Or was it the man who was now steering the four-wheel drive across the blistering expanse of sand which stretched for miles ahead of them that was causing the intensity? Memories of yet another night in Kazim’s arms made her pulse race and she stole a glance at his profile; lines of concentration were furrowing his brow.

All her planned indifference to him was forgotten, lost in the passion he’d brought to life within her with just one glance, one touch. She loved him and as she had to be here in Barazbin at the moment she was going to make the most of it. Certain he didn’t love her, she needed to make each and every one of those moments last her a lifetime.

‘I’d forgotten how beautiful the desert is,’ she said, focusing her attention on the massive sand dunes rising up on either side of them, dominating the intense blue of the skyline. She had the impression that she and Kazim were small and insignificant, pawns in a much bigger game being played out against the majestic landscape.

‘It can also be a dangerous place. Just one storm and everything you see will change. The desert is like life—changeable. One storm and the whole course of life alters.’ She looked at him, startled.

Was he was referring to his father? This was the closest he’d come to telling her about what had happened. Her eyes were drawn to the way his fingers gripped hard onto the steering wheel, as if the vehicle could give him strength.

Her heart lurched in her chest and she started to reach out to him, wanting to touch him, reassure him, but the look he shot her when he saw her movement killed that thought instantly. He was back behind his line of defence. Once again unreachable.

‘What happened?’ she asked, hating the hesitation in her voice because whatever it was affected her and she had a right to know. ‘The night you got that scar?’

‘It is no concern of yours.’ His eyes met hers briefly as the vehicle swayed endlessly across the barren gold landscape. The intensity of the angry sparks in the deep blackness of his eyes almost made her hold her tongue. But why should she?

‘It is, Kazim. It has implications for me—for us.’

He looked ahead again and she did the same, as if keeping her eyes from his handsome profile would help.

‘As I said at the polo match, I stood between my mother and father.’

His voice was hard and level. She could feel the control he was exerting, feel it in the tension that had suddenly filled the vehicle, and all she wanted to do was get out of it, but ahead of her was nothing but sand dunes, sculpted by the hand of Mother Nature.

Amber sighed in frustration, not just at the lengthy and incredibly hot journey but at his reluctance to talk to her. Obviously the hours in each other’s arms these last few nights meant nothing. He didn’t want her to get close, not emotionally. He had only been staking his claim on her, preventing her from returning to the life she’d made since leaving the desert.

Should she now tell him about the money her father had deceived him over? The money that Kazim had thought he was giving to her? What would he say when he found out her father was attacking Barazbin as a way of avenging the dishonour Kazim had brought upon her by discarding her after their wedding? Judging by the frown on her mother’s face yesterday morning, it was not what Kazim would have expected or wanted.

‘Kazim, I think we should talk,’ she said and looked again at his profile; it was stern and unapproachable. Her courage floundered instantly but she had to tell him.

* * *

Kazim wanted to close his eyes against the pain of that day, but he knew he had to explain. She was right—it had implications for both of them. She did have a right to know.

‘Very well,’ he said, refusing to look at her, keeping his eyes on the way ahead as if he was driving a precarious cliff road instead of the vast sands before them. ‘It was my fault.’

‘What?’ That one word almost squeaked from her lips, heightening his pain and guilt. She sounded shocked.

‘It was my fault. I lost my temper. I challenged my father and whilst youth was on my side, experience wasn’t.’

He hadn’t said so many words at once about that day, not even to his mother, and especially not to his father. Since the day he’d stood up to his father, Kazim and his mother had barely spoken. He’d disappointed her.

Instead of protecting his mother, as he’d done since he was a boy, he’d let her down. He’d become as bad as the man she’d married. Now, as he drove across the expanse of the desert with Amber at his side it was as if someone had unlocked a door, letting all the pain and guilt spill out from him.

‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ she said softly and touched his arm and his body stiffened. He didn’t deserve her sympathy.

He wanted to stop, to turn and give her his full attention. He wanted to tell her everything, but at the same time he didn’t want to see the pity that must be swimming in her eyes turn to shame and repulsion. Suddenly, for the first time ever, it mattered what she thought of him.

Instead, he fixed his eyes back on the sand, knowing that very soon they would reach the camp and the luxurious tent he’d instructed to be built in readiness for them. Then he would have to face whatever was in her eyes. Face it and deal with it.

‘After you left I wanted to leave too,’ he began as the tension built around them to almost explosive levels. He’d envied her the ability to turn and walk away. ‘I had no wish to be a prince in a palace, little more than an animal in a cage. I wanted freedom.’

She sat silently next to him and he sensed her shock, sensed the stiffening of her body as she pulled her hand back. In that moment he realised she’d been the same, a bird in a beautiful prison, manipulated by her parents and then harshly rejected by him.

He’d started the sorry tale now, so he had to finish. ‘My father and I quarrelled and, before he left, he accused me of neglecting my people. He told me the nomad tribes needed help. But I didn’t stay, didn’t listen to a word. I had my own duty, an oil company employing hundreds. I chose that, never imagining the palace without my father’s heavy hand ruling it.’

‘Then your father became ill.’ Her voice was barely a whisper and hardly audible above the hum of the engine.

‘Yes, and my life changed again. Like the dunes after a sandstorm, no trace of what was there before was left.’ He kept his eyes fixed on the way ahead.

* * *

Amber couldn’t comprehend what Kazim was telling her. ‘It still wasn’t your fault.’

‘True, but if I had not argued, refused to go back to the palace, he would never have had the heart attack.’

The four-wheel drive climbed up a large sand dune, taking all his concentration. She waited—for what, she didn’t know. Then, as they reached the top of the sand dune, she saw a camp below them, sheltered on all sides by other high dunes. Many tents spread out before her, people busily going about their daily tasks.

Kazim stopped the vehicle and turned to look at her. ‘The thing that hurts the most, after this episode—’ he touched his chest, where the scar lay concealed beneath his robes ‘—my last words to my mother were ones of anger. She refused to see me again and died alone. I destroyed her and never made my peace with her. I cannot forgive myself for that.’

‘Don’t blame yourself, Kazim. I don’t.’

‘You should do. Just as you should because I cannot offer you the freedom you crave. The freedom you deserve.’

‘I have always known that I would marry a man of my father’s choosing. I was never free, Kazim. Neither were you. As you said, it is our duty.’

A duty I do now, first and foremost because of what you can offer to Annie’s little boy.

That was her only motivation. It had been what had driven her to accept his hard bargain and now it was what kept her focused. She was here, doing this, for Annie and Claude.

She wanted to ask about them, wanted to know where they were, what they were doing, but now was not the time. Just as it wasn’t the time to tell him about the money her father had kept from her. But she would have to tell him.

‘Now you know what has happened I do not want to talk of it again.’ His words were firm and insistent and her heart wrenched at the pain evident within them. If silence on the subject was what he wanted, that was what she would give him.

‘Is this where we will camp?’ She injected as much lightness into her voice as she could. The tension swirling around them was almost impossible to bear.

He looked across at her, his eyes piercing into hers, and for a moment she thought she saw shards of raw pain. Then, as if night had fallen, the shutters came down and he was once more fully in command of his emotions, having locked them neatly away.

‘This is to be our home for the next week,’ he said and started driving towards the camp.

A tremor of panic tore down Amber’s spine. Was she really to be here with Kazim for a week? What had she let herself in for during her moment of weakness? A moment when she’d thought she had to be with him, as if the love she had for him could grow inside his heart too, until he couldn’t help but tell her he loved her.

Would she ever hear those words from his lips? She frowned at an unwanted childhood memory. She’d never heard those words from anyone other than her grandmother. Nobody else had ever told her they loved her. She’d thought her mother had hinted at it the last time they’d spoken. But she never displayed affection. Why should that change now?

This was madness.

‘We have our own tent at the outer edge of the camp.’ He pointed towards a larger, much grander tent than the small and unassuming ones dotted around them as they drove into the camp.

As they neared the tent she could see theirs was far from small, far from plain. In fact it appeared to be a palace of fabric. ‘I thought you said you didn’t do luxury in the desert.’ She was too shocked to keep the words to herself and was rewarded with a light and very sexy laugh as he stopped the vehicle at the side of the tent.

‘I don’t, but you do.’

She got out of the vehicle, glad to stretch her legs after the tense journey, and walked a little closer, unable to believe such luxury here in the middle of the desert. It was like something from a tale from long ago. A tale of seduction.

‘I didn’t have to,’ she said as she walked towards their tent, stopping a little way off, totally amazed.

Amber had never seen anything like it. The front of the tent was pulled back and she could see inside. Deep purple curtains hung within it and rich gold cushions were scattered on the carpet. Lanterns glowed, lighting the dim interior, and the heady scent of incense teased her senses as it drifted on the breeze. She turned to Kazim earnestly. ‘I could have stayed in something more modest.’

He stood behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders, heat rushing from him and igniting the desire they’d shared last night. ‘I want you to stay here with me. I want you to be truly my desert princess.’

His deep voice was slow and incredibly sexy and she could feel his breath on her ear before he bent and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes against the rising flow of desire. Was this his way of distracting her from what they’d just spoken of? Would he do this every time she got just that bit too close to the real man?

Part of her hoped that he would, but another part of her knew it wouldn’t last, that he would soon tire of her and seek comfort and satisfaction elsewhere, return to his playboy prince role and become the oil sheikh that women dreamt of being with and men wanted to emulate.

‘I have a meeting with the elders of the camp,’ he said as he drew her into the privacy of the tent and took her in his arms. ‘But when I return we will be together all night.’

The promise, given in such a sexy deep voice, made her heart hammer against her chest. Hot liquid warmth erupted from deep within her, igniting desire again. With just one caress, a kiss and a few soft words he’d melted her, crumbling any resistance she had—because she loved him. Even more so now she’d glimpsed the real man, seen that he felt, that he cared and that he loved. All she could hope for now was that he would one day love her.

But would he? Would he ever truly be hers and love her as she’d loved him since the day she’d been told by her father that he would be her husband, her prince? If he couldn’t, she knew she’d have to leave.

‘I will be here,’ she said seductively and reached up to press her lips against his.

‘What man could refuse such an offer,’ he said between kisses that stirred their passion to new heights. ‘It is my hope that our union will soon be blessed with an heir.’

Have his baby? The thought settled over her, creating images of a child with dark hair, so like Kazim. The idea of having his child, his heir, when he didn’t love her, cast the preceding moments into shadow.

‘You want children? So soon?’ She pulled back and looked up at him, her voice a husky whisper.

His eyes met hers; the sparks of desire swirling in them made her heart race and she fought against it. This was important and not at all what she had bargained on. Having a child now would tie them irrevocably together. Inside, she breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she’d been taking precautions of her own. She wasn’t at all sure she was ready to be tied to this man for the rest of her life, not when he didn’t love her.

‘Of course.’ His brow rose then his eyes narrowed slightly. ‘I am heir to the throne of Barazbin. The only heir. I have to produce my own heir!’ He looked at her, making her breath catch as his eyes darkened, the molten gold flecks more pronounced than ever. ‘It is our duty, Amber. The reason we married.’

‘I just hadn’t expected it to be so soon.’ Her pulse rate increased as he stroked the back of his fingers gently down her cheek, his thumb lingering teasingly on her lips.

‘We have been married almost one year, Amber.’

‘I know; it’s just that I...’

‘That you what, Amber? Wanted to run back to your life in Paris as soon as you thought you’d done your duty? As soon as my side of the deal was completed and Claude had had all the operations he needed?’

She took a deep breath. That was exactly what she’d thought. She blinked, realising that for the first time Kazim hadn’t referred to Claude as ‘the child’.

‘Is there any news about Claude?’ She grasped at the offered change of subject, anything rather than discuss what existed between them, something that would mean she’d never be free.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want children, or even Kazim’s children. It was simply that she wanted to be loved and needed for herself, not out of a sense of duty or because she would bear the kingdom of Barazbin its future ruler. But, most importantly, she wanted to love and be loved in return—without any constraints.

Kazim smiled down at her as if he knew he’d caught her attention. ‘Your friend and her son are in America right now. He is scheduled for his first operation in two days. As soon as we return to the palace you can contact them.’

Relief rushed through her. In part because she’d successfully derailed the discussion on children, and also because things were finally happening for Claude. She was well aware the road to final recovery would be long, but at least Kazim had kept his word and had not only funded the operations but also arranged them.

The only problem now was that she was honour-bound to keep her side of the bargain. But Kazim’s talk of an heir was too much. Once again she felt as if everything was closing in on her, forcing her down a route she wasn’t happy to take.

‘I wish you’d told me it was happening.’ She tried to keep her focus off her problems. ‘I’ve been worried for Annie, worried she’ll think I have run out on her. I didn’t explain anything.’

He laughed softly, a deep genuine laugh that stirred the desire his closeness had evoked. ‘I’m told she is happy for you and is looking forward to seeing you again. Hasim is looking after her, taking his role very seriously—as I knew he would.’

Amber blushed. ‘Thank you, Kazim.’

* * *

Kazim smiled down at Amber and what was now becoming a familiar tightening across his chest happened once more. The strange new emotions were all consuming, but even so he didn’t want to analyse them now. If he did, something would go wrong, just as it always did when he got emotionally close to people.

He’d lost too much already. First a father who had almost dismissed him out of hand as a young boy, then his mother, because he’d been as brutal as his father. The guilt of that was now so raw after the drive into the desert this morning. He still didn’t understand why he’d opened up, why he’d said so much to Amber.

He looked at her, a gentle colour heightening her cheeks, those mysterious eyes of hers almost veiled by her long lashes as she cast her eyes down.

‘We don’t need to talk about heirs right now,’ he said and lifted her chin so that he could see clearly into her eyes, try and fathom the emotions that ran so deep within them yet always managed to perplex him, muddling his own feelings.

‘No,’ she whispered so softly he almost didn’t catch it. ‘You need to go to your meeting.’

To hell with the meeting, he wanted to say, but it was his duty—a duty he took very seriously—and now he was duty-bound to finish what his father had started.

He clenched his jaw against the guilt that rushed through him, sweeping every other emotion to one side, including the warm, tender feelings for Amber. At the same time he sensed her withdrawal, saw the shutters come down over her eyes, blocking him out.

Should he have just sought her out in Paris and insisted on a divorce—something she’d been more than willing to do? Reclaiming his wife would not only resolve the issue of his ability to be the heir and continue the family line, but he’d always hoped, yet never admitted, that in doing so he would also regain just a little bit of his father’s respect. Although why he sought respect from a man who’d bullied everyone he should have loved was still very much a mystery.

‘Later we will have much to discuss, Amber,’ he said as he let go of her, his body instantly missing the warmth of hers. ‘We have the future of Barazbin in our hands. Whatever we do will affect so many people. We have to get it right.’

‘I know,’ she said, her chin lifting defiantly, her eyes calmly fixing on his, her tone resigned. ‘It is our duty.’