Читать книгу Living in Love and Faith - Bishops of the Church of England - Страница 30

Esther grew up in a fishing town, one of ten children with a dad who worked on the fish docks and a mum who stayed at home ‘looking after all of us’ – hard physical labour. Esther remembers her mum talking about God and praying during the many crises they faced as a family. She also learnt about God and Jesus by attending Sunday School.

The family had to contend with one tough situation after another. Esther recalls that her dad would be violent towards her mum if he drank too much. This ended when her mum threatened to leave if it ever happened again. Terrible tragedy struck when one of Esther’s brothers died at the age of four after taking their father’s medicine. A short time later Esther’s niece died of pneumonia. In addition two of Esther’s sisters had abusive husbands.

It was important for the whole family to be near each other and see each other a lot. Esther’s boyfriend, Bill, was a help in crises: ‘He was a great support at a very difficult time. [He] used to come and visit me. He was really a godsend.’

‘There was a strength in me and I know now it was the Holy Spirit.’

She and Bill had a January wedding followed by their first child in December the same year, and another pregnancy straight away. They were very hard up – with few resources and just managing with food. They had three children in all and it was important to Esther to thank God for the safe deliveries and also to have the babies christened – although she describes this as being ‘superstitious’ and the ‘done thing’, saying ‘Although I went to church as a child, I didn’t really understand what church was really about, if I’m honest.’

They moved, getting a new house on a new estate and finding new friends. ‘We were all in the same boat, none of us had much money, but we all helped each other, and it was a really good community.’ As the children grew up their fortunes changed for the better. ‘My husband got a good job at the gas board, and then I got a job with social services. We were getting a bit more affluent. I did have a happy marriage.’

Esther’s mum died suddenly which was a shock: ‘I thought, my goodness, how am I going to cope without my mum? And then, my world seemed to cave in.’ This led to Esther seeking God more, with the support of a local vicar. She remembers a ‘fight within herself’ that she later identified as spiritual warfare. She also remembers ‘There was a strength in me and I know now it was the Holy Spirit.’

The churchwarden gave her a Bible: ‘I just used to open it up at random and it [read] “Do not be afraid, trust me.” I thought that’s not a coincidence, I know it isn’t. I’m going to try my utmost not to be afraid.’ She asked God to come into her life and Christ to be her Saviour at this time. ‘I can honestly say I’m not ashamed to say that I love Jesus.’

As she talks, Esther recounts many stories of God’s faithful protection and goodness in difficult circumstances. Perhaps the greatest trauma Esther went through was when she learnt of her husband’s conviction and imprisonment. It was a profound shock, especially as ‘everybody thought the world of him; he’d do anything for anybody’. It was their eldest son who had to report his father, who subsequently was in prison for ten years.

‘I was angry at myself because I thought “Why didn’t I see this?” I used to bend God’s earhole something chronic. It was a horrendous time but by the grace of God I got through it.’ When her husband was in prison, Esther neither wrote nor visited. If her husband contacted her, she ignored it. However, she did not divorce him. ‘If I didn’t have my faith, I don’t know what I’d have done. Through all the traumas, God’s still there. Although we’ve had our moments, God has certainly blessed us.’