Читать книгу Launching Financial Grownups - Bobbi Rebell - Страница 20

A parent–child relationship is a financial relationship.

—Roy Feifer

After my first marriage ended, I found myself living with my parents, at age 30. I sold my apartment, packed up what little I got in the divorce, and moved into their extra bedroom. My childhood home in New Jersey had been sold so I was not in my childhood bedroom, but it felt oddly comforting regardless. I was devastated by the divorce and needed to be with my parents. I was so fortunate they were there for me.

My parents didn't charge me rent and didn't ask me to pay for my share of the groceries or the cable bill. Was I any less of a financial grownup? I'm not sure. I had a job, and I paid my personal bills. I didn't move into my parents' apartment because of a financial need. In fact, I had sold my apartment at a nice profit. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel vulnerable and insecure about my future – including my financial future. We did not discuss an exact timeline, but I always perceived living with them as short-term and transitional. I think my parents knew how wounded I was and did not want to push. In my mind I expected it to be a few months. It turned out to be more than a year. Looking back I'm so grateful that I had that emotional and financial backstop.

I share this story because it is essential that no one misunderstands the goals I am advocating for in this book. Parents can absolutely be generous, within their means, with their children – as long as they don't create a prolonged dependency. This is not about kicking out your kids. It's not about arbitrarily cutting them off before they are ready or just because they celebrate a given birthday or hit an adulting milestone. It is about being there to support them when they need you but knowing the difference between needs and wants – just as we talk about needs versus wants when it comes to spending money. Our goal as parents is to get them ready and able to cover their needs and then let them experience adulthood with all its ups and downs.

In the spring of 2020, countless young adults moved home to shelter in place with their parents during the pandemic, and many followed a similar pattern of moving home not because of financial need but because it just made sense given what was going on. This was a clear reminder that launching a financial grownup does not mean parents and their adult children can't be there for each other as a family in a crisis – financial or not. A family has to be an ecosystem that embraces its lifelong connections and support. Being a financial grownup does mean that our children have to be able to run their own lives and that as the younger generation moves through life, the roles and financial responsibilities will have to adapt to different life stages and challenges.