Читать книгу Launching Financial Grownups - Bobbi Rebell - Страница 22
The Benefits of a Strategic Boost
ОглавлениеJason Feifer is editor in chief of Entrepreneur Magazine and hosts several podcasts, including Hush Money. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife and kids. As a child, he says he was not materialistic. He would chide his dad for buying nice cars and was keenly aware that his family had a strong financial foundation.
I reached out to Jason after his Hush Money podcast cohost Nicole Lapin called him out for having recently admitted that his parents still paid his phone bill. Jason, age 39, appeared to be a fully financially independent and, frankly, incredibly successful adult. I wanted to hear more about what exactly was going on in the Feifer family ecosystem, so I asked his dad, Roy Feifer, to join us as well. Our conversation revealed a pattern of parental financial support early in Jason's career. In context, though, it was done with intention and purpose and got successful results that may not have happened otherwise. Support at the right time can be a powerful strategy if it can fit into your family ecosystem.
Jason explained that he resisted financial support early in his career even as his dentist dad would offer it. But Jason was ambitious, and when he got an offer for his dream job he was determined to make the move to New York City. “That meant that all my expenses went way up. I was 28 years old. It was 2008. I was making $50,000 at Men's Health and I got their blessing and encouragement.” Jason also got their financial support. They subsidized his one-bedroom Manhattan apartment so he would not have to live far away from his office and face a tough commute while working long hours. He was also able to live without roommates. His parents were pretty hands-on when it came to the logistics of finding that place and making sure Jason knew all that would be involved in renting an apartment and running his financial life in New York. Some might say they were doing a little concierge parenting, but they also were steering him on a deliberate gradual path toward independence.
“I remember being very mindful every month,” Jason explains. “I didn't really like asking them for the rent. They would always give it. There was never any pressure not to give it, but I wanted to be as financially independent as I could.” In Jason's case, he was very motivated to pay his own rent, and while the plan was not formalized, he did gradually pay more and more of the rent each month as his financial situation improved over the next few years. He stressed to me that he might not have made the move to New York City for that dream job had it not been for his parents' support – both emotionally and financially. It was a strategic financial boost that was money well spent because the end result was a more lucrative and fulfilling career.
Jason's dad was very transparent with him about money during his childhood. Many conversations happened in the car. Jason recalled one memorable conversation in high school when his dad told him how much his dental practice brought in each year. “I remember being shocked by it at the time,” he says. “Because it was a successful dental practice. And then immediately having an understanding of how much money was coming into the family versus how much was being spent.”
Jason's dad Roy has continued to be open with his adult children even as they have had children of their own. “I do tell him exactly what our finances are, what our savings are, what's in the bank, and where we stand financially and my investment strategy.” Roy explained why he felt so compelled to make sure his kids (Jason also has a sister) were aware of money and their family values. His own father, a postal worker, had passed away at age 49, after having not worked for years for medical reasons. At the time of his father's death, Roy was a sophomore in college at State University New York at Albany. “Dad was in charge, and he didn't discuss anything there. His motto was kids were to be seen but not heard.” Roy, his brother, and mom had to fend for themselves. There were lots of money decisions to be made because “our finances were kind of limited,” Roy told me.
Roy didn't want his wife and kids to be in that kind of predicament should anything happen to him. “So I brought to the marriage frankness and openness that everything can be discussed – and that included finances.” Roy also stressed that his wife has been very much an equal in both the financial decision-making and in the discussions with their kids about money. Consistent messaging within the family is essential. The couple also let the children learn about their financial values by example and observation when they were growing up, even as the family became more financially successful. The Feifers lived a low-key lifestyle below their means in South Florida and had a large amount of savings. The parents didn't talk directly about a budget because the kids were already extremely careful with their spending and extremely financially conservative. They led by example, not by lecture.
The one soft spot for Roy was his love of luxury cars. And that's where the tables turned at times with both kids chiming in, urging restraint. At one point, Roy says his daughter, Jody, talked him out of buying her a Lexus, arguing it was too fancy and she would be embarrassed. You see, when it comes to family ecosystems, it's complicated. And parents should be aware that it can be very much a two-way street, especially as the kids get older and have their own distinct points of view when it comes to finances.
That's not to say the Feifers weren't aware of the fine line between productive support with an end goal and throwing money at a child without accountability. “You don't want a kid on the couch watching reality TV shows and not being proactive in securing his financial future. That's an enabler,” Ron assured me. In their case, the kids were working hard and doing everything they could to build their own financial lives. So it made sense to help once they had their own future secured.
I was also struck by something very wise that Roy brought up: a parent–child relationship is a financial relationship. I had never really thought of it that way, and in our society, while few of us would openly frame it that way, it is often the case. We as parents feel societal pressure to use our financial resources on our children. And let's not forget that we may need our children to spend their financial resources on us at one point. There needs to be a family financial ecosystem of mutual support. In many cases it will mostly function as financial resources going from the older generation to the younger, but we all need to be prepared to adapt as needed and as we go through life.
Which brings us back to that phone bill and how it is that Jason, this nonmaterialistic, financially conservative guy still wasn't paying his own bill as he approached age 40.
In short, Jason defended his decision to let his dad keep paying his cell phone bill as part of their family plan – but not because he needs it. After way too many questions about this, it came out that it's basically become a family bonding ritual. Every month Roy sends out an email with things like who sent out the most texts and how much data each person is using. Jason always wins that one, and he blames it on his four-year-old who he says watches a lot of videos at restaurants. His mom wins for most text messages, and his dad wins for voice calls. In other words, the bill is no longer about the money; it's become a game they can play to connect. I'd say money well spent.