Читать книгу Buddy's Universe - A Beagle's Life Book I - BuzzzzOff - Страница 4

Hi! My name is Buddy. I am a Beagle. Since I can read and write, I am no ordinary Beagle. I also am very fond of Mental Masturbation.

Mental Masturbation, Dear Reader, is a form of anxiety relief not unlike the more pedestrian efforts of stroking either the male or female private parts, albeit devoid of any relief as it is the process, not the conclusion, that is important.

Simply stated, Mental Masturbation afflicts my ever-wandering, always-worrying, exceedingly-addictive mind that works 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. I even can confirm that Mental Masturbation manages to continue spinning an extra day during leap year.

The existence of my condition is as unforgettable as my schoolboy day-dreams of having “relations” with my twenty-something year young, smoking-hot French teacher, who bounced about the classroom surely aware of her impact on teenage boys…and possibly girls.

Therefore, Dear Reader, I do not seek to discuss whether or not Mental Masturbation exists.

I do, however, wish to discover the “why” about all sorts of topics swirling around my brain.

This collection of missives, which I hope you will read (albeit I do not know why you would care so to do) and for which I beg you to pay, is my banal attempt to understand the “why” of life. Whether I am discussing my adventures or thinking about meaningless things, I hope you find my words interesting, fun, thought-provoking or, well, you bought the book so at that point my hopes already have been achieved, i.e. I made money to buy more treats!

Oh yes, if anyone has a cure for Mental Masturbation, I would be most grateful with any elixir that would speed me towards enlightenment.

Hugs and Kisses,

Buddy

buddy@buzzzzoff.com