Читать книгу The Other Side Of The Lies - Callie Ansar - Страница 12

As we turned down our block and headed toward our house, I saw the familiar Jeep parked on the corner. Once we pulled into the driveway, I heard my father say, “Who the hell is that?”

I leaned over to look between the two drivers seats and I saw the tall guy sitting on our stoop. “It’s Ramsey,” my mother muttered, clearly annoyed.

We all got out of the car and closed our doors at the same time. He began to approach us as my father said, “You’re a little late, David. The party started five hours ago.”

“I know, Mr. Faris. I am so very sorry, but I got caught up when I was picking up Karen’s gift,” he said as he held up a little black box. “I wound up getting lost and eventually found my way back here. Again, I’m so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Faris.”

My father never even stopped to acknowledge him. Dad simply proceeded to find his keys and open the front door. Once he disappeared inside, my mother opened her mouth. “Ramsey, it’s not us that you need to apologize to, although, your sincerity doesn’t go unnoticed,” she said with a faint smile before heading into the house as well.

I was a ball of emotions at that moment and I didn’t know whether to be happy that he was there, to cry for the fact that he wasn’t when I wanted him there, or to punch him in the face. My gut was telling me to go for the latter.

“Karen,” Ramsey said in a slight whisper as he carefully moved closer to me. I wanted to stop and talk to him. I wanted to grab him when the wind blew and his cologne tickled my nose, but I kept on going. I walked to my stoop and sat down before I began any sort of conversation with him.

He followed me and stood in front of me, still holding the black box. With no words spoken, he extended his arm and handed me the present. I took it from him and I held it, but didn’t want to open it. Not yet. I didn’t want to open the box and fall in love with whatever was inside. I needed an explanation first.

“Well aren’t you going to open it?” he asked with both joy and sadness in his voice.

I remained silent.

“Karen, I know I fucked up and I am so sorry, but honestly, I got caught up picking up your gift.”

“Caught up for four hours, Ramsey? Come on, do you really expect me to believe that? Where were you really, in the Bronx with your friends?” I asked as he looked at me, his eyes slanting with the slightest hint of anger in them. Silence was all around us when I said, “Well aren’t you going to answer me? Don’t I at least deserve that?”

He didn’t answer. He just stood there, looking gorgeous in a black two button polo shirt and khakis. He did seem like he was dressed for the party, so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. He took one step closer to me as he said, “Karen, all I can say is that I’m sorry. Please, I drove all the way down here to see you. Please don’t fight with me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Karen. I wanted to be and I had every intention on being there, but I honestly got caught up picking up your gift.” He went on, “If you want me to leave, I will, but I’d love to stay and maybe go for a ride or something. Can you at least give me that?”

I thought about his proposition for a second. I wanted to scream and tell him to go away, but I couldn’t. The feeling I got simply being near him was a feeling that I didn’t want to let go of. This man had me in the palm of his hand, but I didn’t know if he knew it and I wasn’t going to let him know it. But, I couldn’t let him go away and I had to keep my guard up for a bit. “Hold this,” I said as I handed him back the box. I stood up and went inside. I told my parents that I was going for a ride with Ramsey and that I’d be back a little later. My father didn’t seem pleased, nor did my mother for that matter, yet I still went. I wanted to. I had to.

Ramsey was standing in the same spot as I left him in and I simply said, “Let’s go.”

We walked in silence to his car and once inside, he asked, “Where to?” and I pointed him in the direction of the beach.

The ride to the beach from my house took about twenty minutes. The twenty minutes we were in the car were the most uncomfortable that I’d spent with him thus far. The only words spoken were me giving directions.

The top of the Jeep was off and as we got closer, the sea air calmed me a bit. Being by the water always did that to me because it was my happy place. I told him where to park and once in a spot, he grabbed the blanket that he kept in the back and we headed south towards the water.

I led us to a private part of the beach that night. This time of year, the beach was filled with hormone induced teenagers and I couldn’t be bothered with that. I didn’t need to feel like I was back on the beach in Jersey with Ramsey, I needed to be alone with him. I needed to concentrate only on him and his excuse as to why he missed such an important night in my life.

I took my heels off as we approached the sand, and the cold granules sent a shiver up my spine. I looked ahead at the water to see a glorious moon up in the sky and a few stars shining down on us that night. We stopped a few feet away from the water and placed the blanket down. Ramsey sat with his legs out in front of him, and still having my dress on, I sat on my bottom with my legs bent by my side. God was I uncomfortable.

“It’s so peaceful here,” Ramsey said, breaking our silence.

“Yup,” was all I could muster out, laying the attitude on pretty thick.

“Look, Karen,” Ramsey started before I stopped him.

“Where were you Ramsey? Honestly, where were you tonight?” my tone demanding an answer.

“I told you. I got stuck picking up your gift, which you still haven’t opened yet by the way.”

“Where were you picking up my gift?”

He didn’t answer me.

“Look Ramsey, I’ve been holding this in since Jersey, but I have to ask. Do you do drugs? I mean, more drugs that smoking pot?”

He lit a cigarette as he asked, “Why would you ask me that?” He looked straight ahead as he waited for my answer.

“In passing, someone referred to you as a junkie. I never planned on mentioning it to you because I never believed it, but sometimes your actions are so out of character for you, that I’m beginning to think that it’s not a coincidence. Either that or I don’t really know you at all. I couldn’t look at him as my hurtful words came out.

“Who told you this? Danny?” he questioned, exhaling smoke.

“No, it wasn’t Danny. Is it true, Ramsey? I mean, is it?” I asked, now looking at him, hoping to see some kind of emotion on his face, but he continued to look straight ahead.

I grabbed a cigarette from his box and lit it to fill up some of the time while waiting for his answer.

“Are you going to answer me, Ramsey?”

“No,”

“No, what?” I answered.

“No, Karen, I’m not a junkie.” He exhaled and shouted a long, exaggerated, “FUUUCCCCCK.”

I didn’t say anything. He needed to tell me whatever he wanted to tell me on his own time, so I waited, impatiently yet silently.

“When my dad died, I got into some shit. I started taking antidepressants because, well, I was really depressed. Then, Billy introduced me to coke, which was expensive and I hadn’t gotten my money yet, so I did it once in a while. Then I would sometimes take a downer to try to bring me down from my coke highs. My mom got wind of all of this and she threatened to send me to a rehab, which would have kept me out of playing baseball.” He let out another sigh before lighting another cigarette. “I begged her not to send me away and admitted that I had gotten out of hand. We settled on me going to therapy instead of rehab and I had to go to meetings once a week, which my mom came to with me. I was only allowed to go out after school for baseball. After a few weeks, I stopped doing all of that shit, and I’ve been fine ever since.”

He turned his head to look at me. “That was two years ago, Karen. I hate when people judge me because of my past. I don’t have an addictive personality. I was 16 and I had just lost my father, and I had a really fucked up fight with him right before he died. I was fucked up from that, and the therapist helped a lot. Yes, I smoke pot once in a while, but I’m in a completely different place in my life now. I’m going to school next year to play ball and if I get caught with drugs, I’ll get kicked off the team. So, I can assure you, Karen, that I am not a junkie. I was just a kid, who was very lost at that time.”

I searched his face and all I could find was sincerity, and as I looked into his big, brown eyes, I could see him re-living all of the pain he went through back then. I remember him telling me about when his father died, and it didn’t effect him like this story did. Going through that must have been terrible for him and I felt terrible that I just forced him to purge that information.

I lifted my hand to caress his face. “I’m sorry that I had to ask you that, but thank you for telling me the truth,” I said as I leaned over to kiss him. I didn’t know if he would be receptive after just re-living that moment, but he was. He returned my kiss and put his strong arms around me. He guided my body to lie on the blanket and he placed himself right on top of me and my nerves were in a frenzy. I couldn’t wait for this moment, to touch him again and to kiss him again. And he surely didn’t disappoint.

“Let’s go,” I said, as seductively as I could.

“Let’s go,” he answered with a smirk. As I got myself together, he picked up the blanket and gathered it in a ball. He held the blanket in one hand, and held my hand with the other. The joy I was feeling at that moment had drowned out the despair I had felt earlier in the day.

When we got back to the Jeep, I suggested that we put the top up. Ramsey did as I said, and again, I helped out as much as I could. We got in the car and I directed him to a desolate block by the bay. The bay was only a few blocks north of where we were and I knew a great block that we could go down and overlook the water without being bothered by anyone.

When we arrived, there wasn’t a car in sight. Ramsey pulled over and put the car in park. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, my mouth was on his. I always hated making out in cars because of the uncomfortableness at first, when your both leaning into each other from your seat. I looked into the back seat only to see that it was way too small back there for Ramsey, let alone both of us, so I decided to make my way onto his lap.

Straddling him in the drivers seat, I kissed him as passionately as I could. We made love right there in his car and it was one of the greatest moments of my life.

Although my legs had cramped up and I was extremely uncomfortable sitting in the position I was in, I stayed there. I lay my head on his chest until my breathing calmed. I sat there and listened to his heartbeat change from rapid to normal, just like mine.

“Well, that was fantastic,” Ramsey said as he placed gentle kisses on my shoulders. All I could do was smile. I removed my head from his chest, looked at him, and softly kissed his lips.

Shortly after, as I made my way back into the passenger seat of the Jeep, we had a laugh when I attempted to put my ripped panties back on. We both lit cigarettes, and just sat there, talking about anything and everything for hours. It was perfect.

I wanted this night to last forever, but with the onset of dawn, I realized it was disappearing right before my eyes. I started to get upset when we began to head back to my house. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to feel this strongly about Ramsey, and possibly never see him again. I could never be confident with his word after him not showing up at my party. With all of these negative thoughts running through my mind, I didn’t even realize that we had pulled up in front of my house.

“Are you staying the night?” I asked, knowing it would be ok with my parents since my father had already extended that invitation.

“I think I’m just gonna head home, Kid, if that’s ok with you,” he sweetly said as he looked at me. A tear fell from my eye at his words.

He wiped it away, just as he did that hot afternoon in front of the Seashore Motel. I grabbed his wrist and said, “I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m gonna come and see you as often as I can, Kid. I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He reached in the back seat and revealed the black box that I hadn’t opened yet. “You still haven’t opened your gift,” he said as he handed it to me.

My frown turned into a smile as I took the box from his hands. I opened the velvet cube to see a ring sitting inside. It was beautiful and I was shocked. It was a heart made out of diamonds and sat on a band of gold. Ramsey took it out of the box and placed it on my ring finger. As we caught each other’s smiling eyes, he said, “Happy Graduation, Kid.” Another tear fell from my eye as I was overwhelmed at the beautiful moment that I was in.

I kissed him as I said, “Thank you, Ramsey. I love it, and I love you too.” I couldn’t believe that in my excitement I said that. My words clearly made him happy, however, my words were not returned. Not wanting to let him see my disappointment, I looked at my new ring and said, “Well, I guess I should let you start heading home.”

“Yeah, I’m getting a little tired,” he said as he reached for a smoke. “I’ll beep you to let you know I got home. 101, ok?”

“Ok. Do you remember how to get back to the BQE?” I asked.

“Yes, I remember. I had a great time tonight, Kid. And I’m really sorry I didn’t make it to your party.”

I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on his lips and said, “All is forgiven,” even though I didn’t mean it. Saying I love you was the only thing I could think about. I got out of the car and watched as he drove away. I stayed up for two hours after he left, waiting for his beep, before I finally just gave in to my exhaustion.

When I woke up the next morning at 11:00 a.m., there was still no beep from him. Maybe I was just making something out of nothing at all. Maybe I really was just a fool.

ɤ

Many things in my life had come to an end that summer. The pharmacy that I had been working in closed down, which unfortunately left me with idle time and all I thought about was my last night with Ramsey. I never did hear from him after that night. Lauri told me that she had seen him around here and there, but my name was never brought up. She said that he was supposedly getting ready to leave for school and getting in shape for baseball. I don’t know how those things would hinder him from calling me, but I guess I just wasn’t an important factor in his life.

I spent a lot of my time with Matthew, who was newly unemployed as well. He could put a smile on my face in the direst situation and I loved him for that. Every time I thought about driving upstate to see my friends on a weekend, Matthew always talked me out of it and reminded me of the heartache I would feel if confronted with Ramsey. He was right. I didn’t need that kind of hurt, especially from someone who didn’t want me.

David still incessantly tried to get in touch with me. Although I made a promise to myself to never let him near my heart again, I had agreed to meet him one night so we could talk. He wanted to clear the air before we started school because we would probably occasionally run into each other. He had a point and I agreed with him, so we made plans. My heart had been trampled on over the last few months, and I knew it could take at least one more beating if the situation arose.

He picked me up and we drove to a park near my house. I had a very nonchalant attitude as we made small talk. Once he dove into the Mexico story, I began to feel a little sick but held my ground. He explained that I was the only girl he had been with in almost two years, and although he loved me, he couldn’t help but be attracted to the women there. He said he was drunk and got high with that girl before they had sex, which I already knew, but it sounded different now. His words were more sincere this time around. I didn’t only listen, but I heard him as he told me how losing me had turned his world upside down. He told me how much he still loved me and that he’d love to give our relationship another try.

I responded by telling him that I still had more respect for myself than he would ever have for me. I also told him that although his confession touched me, I was not interested in having a relationship with someone who did that to me. We agreed to end things on a good note and be friends because it would be nice to see a friendly face around campus once in a while.

I left David that night with feelings of mixed emotions. I didn’t hate David, it was what he did to me that I hated. I hated the scorned person that his actions had turned me into. His admission of still having feelings for me made me feel good in a way, because at least I knew I was desirable to someone.

I never did hear from Ramsey again. Not before he left for school, not before I started school, not even just to say hi. Not a beep to let me know he was thinking about me that summer. Nothing. Never again. It was over the months that passed that I realized Ramsey was right when he told me that David had merely cracked me because it was he who completely shattered me.

ɤ

“Wow, Karen, that’s so messed up,” Ethan said. “But now I see where the name of the center came from.”

I smiled at him, “Yes, Ramsey’s Rescue is named after him. Good job putting those pieces together.”

Ethan let out a hardy laugh. “So he broke your heart that bad that you decided to make a living helping to recover addicts? Was he even really an addict? He was a kid. It just doesn’t make sense to me,” he said.

“It will,” I said. “Let’s keep going. Let’s jump to 1998…..”