Читать книгу The Other Side Of The Lies - Callie Ansar - Страница 8

We stayed on the beach for hours that night but I was doing most of the talking. I told Ramsey all about my life at home. I told him how much I liked my job and how good it felt to make a little of my own money. I also told him that I met my best friend, Matthew, there. I shared the fact that Matthew and I kissed once, something that I had never had the nerve to tell David. I never told David because he could be an ass sometimes, and if he knew that Matthew and I kissed, he would give me a hard time about seeing him. Telling David wasn’t worth the fight, but telling Ramsey was so easy. It was just easier to talk to him. I told Ramsey all about my parents and how hard I thought it was growing up as an only child. We talked about the strenuous pressure my parents put on me to do well in school, and that one day I’d hopefully not resent them for it, but thank them for it.

I explained to Ramsey that I was always a popular girl in school and I always felt that I had to have a lot of friends because I didn’t have any siblings. Lauri and her sister Jenn, were the closest thing I had to sisters, and they lived an hour away from me. Although over time, I learned the hard way that Jenn and Lauri were the only two people I could really trust, I still needed that camaraderie of a large group of friends.

I told him that boys always liked me, but for the wrong reasons. I had boyfriends before David, but never slept with any of them. I think they would get annoyed waiting, and would eventually break up with me. But not David. He was a perfectly patient gentleman. Everyone was always telling me how much he was in love with me, and I think that was another reason I was so shocked at what he did.

We were lying side by side on our backs, looking up at the sky. The calming sound of the ocean made for the most romantic background music for our conversation.

“I love looking up at the night sky. There’s just something about it that’s so beautiful. Like the stars. Even though you can’t always see them, you know that they’re there somewhere. And the moon with all of its different shapes and sizes, it’s so gorgeous. I’m obsessed with the night sky,” I told him.

“Well then think of me like the stars. You may not always see me because we live so far away from each other, but I’ll always be around. Seriously, Karen, even if you just need to talk, I’m here for you,” Ramsey said, exuding sincerity.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that. God, I feel like I’ve been talking for hours. What time is it?” I asked.

“Almost 2:00,” he said, looking at his watch. “Are you tired? Do you want to go back to your room?”

“No, I’m fine, unless you want to go back,” I answered.

“I could stay here forever with you, Karen,” he said and his words melted my heart.

I never believed in love at first sight, and this totally wasn’t the case with me and Ramsey, but I’ve never felt such familiarity with a stranger before in my life. It was a new feeling for me and it was a feeling I didn’t want to let go of. “So, since we’ll be here forever, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? What’s your life like back upstate?” I asked, but for some reason it felt more like prying.

“Well, there’s not too much to tell. I go to school, I play baseball and I go home. I’m going to school in Pennsylvania and I’ll be playing ball there. That’s pretty much it,” he told me.

“That’s pretty much it? I think you know my mother’s maiden name by now, and that’s all I get?” I asked. “Not much of a talker, are you?”

“Not really,” he answered in a softer tone than he had been using.

“Well, can I ask you a question?” I asked again.

“Of course. What would you like to know?”

“Well, you didn’t mention that you have a job, so where do you get your money from? I mean you have really nice things. Are you just a spoiled brat?” I asked, jokingly.

“No, I’m not a spoiled brat, Karen,” he said with a response lacking even a hint of humor, as I intended the question. “I have money from my father. He died two years ago and when I turned 18, the money my mother put in a trust for me from the life insurance money she got, was released to me. So, I bought myself the Jeep, and a few other things. No big deal, they’re just things.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I had no idea about your father,” I said, feeling sorry that I opened my big mouth more than anything. I knew that I was being too nosey and totally stepping over my boundaries, but I couldn’t help it. I was compelled to know more about Ramsey, so I asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, how did your father die?”

“I’ll need to light a cigarette for this one,” he said as he grabbed a smoke from his pack. “Let’s see, where should I start?” he said, blowing out smoke. “Well, just like you, I’m an only child and I never felt like I needed a brother or sister because my dad was always my best friend. Whenever he wasn’t working, he was hanging out with me. And he was my biggest fan. He never missed one of my baseball games, ever. He even traveled with the team, not to be protective, but because he was so proud of me and wanted to be there with me.

One weekend, we had a tournament up in New Paltz. Mom stayed behind because she just never traveled with us. Dad always got his own room and I stayed with my team. The morning we were leaving to head home, I went to my dad’s room really early to see if he wanted to have breakfast together before we all got on the road. When I got to the door, I heard a woman moaning. I didn’t knock, I just stood there. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so I walked to the end of the hall and sat on the floor. An hour later, the door opened and the woman left. She walked right passed me on her way out.

I confronted him and told him he couldn’t deny it because I heard it and saw her with my own eyes. He admitted to me that he had been having an affair with that woman for over a year. He told me that he only saw her when we traveled. He pleaded with me not to tell my mom and asked if I would ride home with him instead of the team. I told him that he disgusted me and I couldn’t even look at him, let alone spend an hour in a car with him. He told me he was gonna hit the road and that we’d talk more at home. I knew he wanted to get home before me so that I didn’t have the chance to spill the beans to my mother before he got there. I was so mad and disappointed in him.”

His expression began to change as he continued his story. “I was in a fog that whole morning. We had only been on the highway for about 15 minutes until we were in crazy traffic. Ambulances, cops and fire engines were whizzing by us. When we finally got up to the accident, we were all on one side of the bus looking out the window, because everyone wants to see an accident, right? When my eyes saw the whole picture, I thought I was gonna die when I saw my father’s car wrapped around a tree.

My coach told the bus to pull over and when he stopped, I ran toward my father’s car. The cops blocked me from getting too close and I literally almost passed out when I saw them putting his covered body in the ambulance. He was dead at the scene. There was nothing they could do for him.

After that, my mom got some life insurance money and put some away in a trust for me. It became available to me on my birthday this year.”

I was shocked when he began to cry. Through his tears he said, “I’d rather have him, Karen. I want my friend back, I need my dad. I feel so lost sometimes without him.”

Tears streamed down my face as Ramsey calmed himself down a little.

“My mom was devastated when my dad died. He was her whole life. I never told her about the affair because she probably would have killed herself if she found that out. But get this, his mistress showed up at his funeral.”

My eyes widened at his words. “Holy shit. That was pretty ballsy of her,” I said.

“I know, right. I couldn’t concentrate in church and kept looking all around. When I spotted her, she was hysterically crying and for a second, I felt bad for her. But I kept looking at her and then I just became enraged. I tried to stand up and when my mother noticed me getting out of my seat, she grabbed my hand and told me to sit down. What was I supposed to do, tell my mom that I needed to go curse out my dead fathers’ mistress? I couldn’t do it, so I just sat back down and she was gone by the time the service was over. I know that my dad played a part in his affair, and I hate him for doing that to my mom, but I partly blame the mistress, and I partly blame myself for his death. I hate both of us for it.

I was really fucked up for a while. I wouldn’t go to school, hell I didn’t even want to leave my house. My mom made me see a therapist, which didn’t help at all. I started doing some really stupid things, but I feel like I’m better now and I’m trying to get my life back on track. I just hate that my last conversation with him was me telling him how much he disgusted me and that I hated him. I didn’t hate him Karen, I was just mad at him. I’d give anything to get that day back,” he said, tears still welled up in his eyes.

I leaned on my side and ran my fingers through his hair. I turned his head to face me. “I’m sure your father knew how much you loved him. You have to have faith and believe that he is somewhere, watching over you, still adoring you from a far and loving you as much as he always did,” I said.

“It’s a nice thought, Kid, but I don’t know how proud he’d be of me anymore. Whatever. Ok, enough sad shit,” he said standing up, dusting off his pants. “I’m getting a little tired, Kid. What do you say we call it a night?”

Disappointment washed over me. I didn’t want to leave him, but I wasn’t going to make myself look desperate, so I went along with it.

“Yeah, me too,” I said.

“Don’t look so sad, Kid. Come back to my room with me, the guys should still be out,” he said as we folded his blanket together.

“Ok,” I responded, feeling a little nervous. I liked Ramsey, I really did, but what exactly did he have in mind?

We walked hand in hand along the now vacant beach and made our way back to the Seashore, which seemed like a ghost town compared to what it was earlier in the day. When we arrived at Ramsey’s room, he took his key out of his pocket and opened the door to find his room was teeming with life. At least 20 bodies were crammed inside the tiny space. I could see a look of disgust and anger forming on his face, just as it did at the pool with Nicole. Ramsey led us through the crowd until he spotted Billy.

Pushing and shoving, Ramsey shouted, “Dude, what the hell? Why are all of these people in our room? Get them out of here,” when he came face to face with Billy.

“Fuck off, Ramsey. You know if you didn’t find that little piece next to you, you’d be in here doing lines off of one of these girls stomachs,” Billy answered.

Clenching his jaw and squeezing my hand, as if clenching his fist, Ramsey answered, “Fuck this,” and turned around and led us out the door. Slamming it shut behind us, he let out a long and exaggerated, “Fuuuuck.”

Cautiously, I asked, “What did Billy mean?” as we stood in front of the closed door.

“Nothing, he’s just a drunk asshole,” Ramsey told me. “This is so fucking annoying.”

“We can go to my room,” I suggested.

“No, the last thing I want to wake up to, is Danny. I have an idea,” he said. “Come on,” and just like that, his whole demeanor changed.

Ramsey led us through the parking lot to the office at the Seashore Motel. Through the glass, we could see the shaggy haired attendant at the desk with his head down, probably sleeping. The chime of the bell when we walked through the door must have woken him up, as he came to full attention upon our presence.

“Hey boss,” Ramsey said as we approached the counter.

“What can I do for you two?” the attendant asked.

“I need a room,” Ramsey told him.

“We don’t rent rooms by the hour here. You can go down the block to the Seagate for that,” he said, yawning. I was a little insulted by the shaggy haired man’s words, insinuating that I was the kind of gal who accepted an invitation to rent a room by the hour.

“I don’t want a room by the hour. I already have a room here, it’s under Ramsey. I’d like another room for tonight,” he told the attendant. He then winked at me, almost assuring me that there was no need for me to be insulted. He could read me so well, and we’d only known each other for a short time.

The attendant started tapping the keys on his computer and said, “I only have two rooms dude. The presidential suite and the honeymoon suite. They are both $105 for the night. Which one do you want big spender?”

Looking at him, I said, “Ramsey, I don’t have that kind of money. We don’t need to get a room, we can just stay in mine.”

“The presidential suite, thank you,” Ramsey told him. He turned to me and said, “We’ll save the honeymoon suite for another time, and this was my idea so it’s my treat.”

The attendant spoke again and said, “Do you want me to put that on the card I have on file for you, Mr. Ramsey?”

“No, I’ll just give you cash,” Ramsey answered, and proceeded to pull a wad of cash out of his pocket. I know he said that he inherited some money, but there was no need for an 18 year old to be carrying around that kind of cash. It just struck me as so odd, but I kept my mouth shut. He paid the attendant, signed a piece of paper and grabbed the orange key ring that would open the door to room 101.

The presidential suite at the Seashore was just as gross as all of the other rooms. It was decorated exactly the same as mine. The only thing that made the presidential suite different from the others was that it was a tad bigger and had a mini kitchen. Big shit.

I have to admit that exhaustion was falling upon me, and I was fighting to overcome it. I wanted to spend every waking moment I could with Ramsey until I had to go home the next day. Ramsey immediately headed toward the T.V. and fetched the remote control to put the television on, while I made a bee line for the bathroom. I had all of those wine coolers and beers and hadn’t peed in hours. Squatting above that toilet was the biggest relief for me that night. As I sat there, I started getting nervous. I was into this guy, I was, and he got us a room. Was he hoping to get laid? David was the only person I had slept with and I just met Ramsey that day. I so wasn’t that girl, and I wasn’t about to become something I wasn’t.

When I was done, I washed my hands and headed back into the non-grandeur of the presidential suite. Ramsey was laid out on the bed on his back, remote in hand flicking through the channels. I walked over to the bed, slipped my flips off and lay down beside him.

“I’m exhausted Kid, how about you?” he asked.

“Honestly, I’m so tired too. I just want to go to sleep. I wish I had my pj’s though,” I admitted.

“You can always sleep naked,” Ramsey said laughing suggestively.

“Not tonight, buddy,” I answered with a laugh.

“Wow,” he said, sounding a little surprised. “Usually when I ask girls to take their clothes off, they are more than happy to oblige.” His arrogance annoyed me until he said, “You’re the first to actually say no. I think I dig it.”

“Well if that’s true, then I’m definitely not taking my clothes off for you. I can’t believe you just said that,” I squealed.

Laughing, he said, “Well, not every time, Karen, but usually when I put the moves on girls, they are extremely receptive.”

“And I’m not?” I asked.

“No I don’t mean it like that. You are extremely receptive to me. I can feel it when I kiss you, when I touch you,” he said, turning and leaning into my body. He placed his hand on my belly which sent shocks through my body. “I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with you, with anyone else. When I’m with girls, they do whatever I want. It’s actually kind of pathetic. I like that you have boundaries. It means you respect yourself, and I couldn’t respect that more. I didn’t get this room so I can have sex with you, although it would be nice,” he said with a salacious grin. “I like how I feel when I’m around you. I can actually talk to you, and I like being able to get things out. I told you more stuff about my life tonight than I told my therapist over the course of a year. I just wanted to spend some more time with you alone, before I head home in the morning,” he said, turning onto his back and putting his hands behind his head.

I couldn’t have been more turned on than that moment. This gorgeous, intriguing man who had opened up to me, was telling me all of these wonderful things and I couldn’t help but jump on top of him.

I placed my body over his, straddling him, while I lowered my lips to meet his. Once again, magic. He moved his hands from behind his head and placed them around my back. He held on to me as he turned us over so that now I was the one lying on my back. As he moved his lips from my mouth to my ear, then down my neck and across my collarbone, I was in a frenzy. His hands explored my body over my clothes, yet it was still an amazingly tantalizing experience. His hand had moved down and started unbuttoning my pants when I stopped him.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey, but we have to stop,” I said, panting and he immediately retracted his hand and rolled off of me.

“No, it’s ok. I shouldn’t have let it go that far,” he said with heavy breath. “But you, missy, started it,” he said, smiling at me, his erection straining against his pants. Oh the blue balls this guy must have had. I felt terrible but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t sleep with him and I knew if we continued, that’s what would happen.

I sat up and said, “No, Ramsey, really I’m sorry. It’s just that I can see where this is going. We just met today and we’re sharing a bed tonight. That’s so not me, and I don’t want to think that what happened with David has changed me into something I’m not.” Oh God, what was I saying? Why was I making this about David? “What I mean is I’m not ready for this to go any further. I’m sorry,” I said, looking away from him.

He also sat up and reached around to grab my chin. He turned my face toward him and said, “Hey Kid, it’s absolutely fine. I’m just happy being here with you. That’s all I wanted tonight anyway. Really,” he said as he smiled his amazing smile, making me feel so much better. We both lay back down and I placed my head in his nook, which was basically his armpit, and placed my arm across his chest.

He played with my hair, which was something I loved, while we talked some more. We talked about the future this time. He told me that he couldn’t wait to go to school because he thought the change would really be a positive thing in his life. He said he knew how hard it was going to be because he had to play baseball and keep up grades to keep his scholarship. He went on to say that he would truly love to be a professional ball player, but knew that that isn’t really practical. He was going to major in finance and if baseball didn’t work out, Ramsey planned on following his father’s footsteps in the business world.

His aspirations surprised me. I was planning on majoring in finance too. My father was a big wig in the commodities market and I always took an interest in his work. My dad had told me that if I did well enough in school, he would use his connections to help me get a job. Although I didn’t like to take much from my parents, I’d take that. It was my dream to live in Manhattan on my own one day, without help from my parents. Getting a great job and working hard was the only way I was going to get it. I had big plans with a bright future for myself.

When I told Ramsey my plans for the future, he was beaming, but questioned me when he said, “Wait a second, if you come from money, why did you ask me about my car and watch, and all of my money? Hypocrite are we?”

I laughed and said, “My parents have given me a wonderful life. I’ve traveled all over the world and they would give me anything I ask them for. But I don’t want material things from them. I work. I mean, I don’t make a lot of money, but it grounds me.”

“I’m confused,” Ramsey said. “What does that mean? You’re 18 years old, how grounded can you be?”

“I don’t want to be a spoiled brat. I like knowing that I have to work for things I want. Like when I started driving a few months ago, my parents offered to buy me a brand new car. Instead, I took my savings and bought myself a used car.” He looked at me like I was crazy for passing up a new car, but things like that didn’t mean much to me. Material things didn’t matter because they’re just things.

“I think a big reason I am the way I am is because my mom was never independent. Without my dad, she would have nothing. I would never want that for myself, to depend on someone else to take care of me,” I explained, trying not to sound like too much of an asshole.

He nodded his head as he said, “That’s really great, Karen. What about marriage and stuff? Do you want to get married or are you planning on being a shrewd business woman for the rest of your life?” he asked as we lay there with our legs intertwined.

“Sure I want to get married, if I can ever trust someone again,” I said, laughing.

“You will, Kid, you will. You seem like such a strong person. That guy couldn’t have broken you all the way through. He just cracked you a little. You’ll get there again,” he said, so philosophically.

“I know, one day at a time, right?”

“Exactly,” he answered.

We talked until our tongues were tired and our eyes too heavy to stay open. I fell asleep with my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beat with my arms around him, and he was holding me as well. We woke up exactly how we fell asleep. I lay there awake, not yet ready to see if Ramsey was also awake.

Although we closed the curtains before we went to sleep, the morning sun shone through a crack where the curtains were parted and headed straight for my eyes. Instead of squinting, or moving, I just kept my eyes closed. I lay there, holding Ramsey, breathing in his scent, thinking about how I hadn’t felt that safe with someone in a really long time. I didn’t want this moment to end, this weekend to end. I knew that once I headed out that door it would all be over and I’d be on my way back to misery. I squeezed his body with my arms for the simple fact that I didn’t want to let go of him. Although it was only a night that we knew each other, he did something to me. The way he spoke to me, the things he said to me, the crazy connection that we had, these things made me happy. I hadn’t been happy in a long time and I feared that that happiness would soon be gone. A tear fell from my eye, followed by a sniffle.

Gently twirling my curls around his finger he said, “Please don’t tell me that you cry as soon as you wake up in the morning.”

“You’re up? I didn’t want to wake you, so I was just lying here,” I answered, making sure I didn’t look up because I could only imagine what my breath smelled like.

“I’ve been up for hours, Kid. I didn’t really sleep much last night,” he said, his voice sleepy.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You could have moved me if you were uncomfortable,” I answered.

“No, I wasn’t uncomfortable. I think I was too comfortable. I didn’t sleep because I didn’t want to. I wanted to hold you all night. I didn’t want to let you go, and I knew if I fell asleep, there was a chance that I would have woken up without you in my arms,” he explained, still twirling my hair.

“Well then I’m glad you did,” I said, squeezing him a little tighter. “What time is it?”

“9:45, why? Are you in a rush to go somewhere?” he asked.

“Absolutely not, but checkout is at 11:00 and I know Danny wanted to leave right after check out. And I still have to get back to Queens,” I said with a moan. To my dismay, I let him out of my grip. I rubbed my eyes as I yawned and immediately made my way to the table on which I threw my bag. I fetched a piece of gum and popped it in my mouth before walking back over to the bed. I leaned down and kissed him, “Good morning,” I said with a smile. “I have to pee so bad.”

“So go,” he said, laughing. “So, how are you getting back to Queens later?” he asked loud enough so I could hear him through the closed bathroom door.

“Lauri’s dad works in the city and he’ll drive me back home tonight before he goes to work,” I shouted back.

After I emerged from the bathroom, I went over and sat up next to him on the bed. “Why don’t you let me take you home tonight?” he suggested.

I was baffled by his suggestion. “Oh God, you don’t have to do that. You know how long that would take you? And I hate the thought of you driving all the way back upstate by yourself, especially on no sleep,” I explained, as I ran my fingers through his hair, looking into his sleepy eyes. I also didn’t want to tell him that I don’t think my parents would be too happy with that arrangement either.

“So you don’t want me to drive you home?” he questioned.

“I would love for you to drive me home, but it’s too much to ask of you, Ramsey,” I answered.

“You’re not asking me, Kid. I’m offering. Please let me take you home, Karen. I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again and I’m honestly just not ready to let go of this feeling,” he said with determination in his voice.

I put my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. I wasn’t ready to let the feeling go either and to my surprise, I found myself saying, “Ok.”