Читать книгу The Best Of The Year - Medical Romance - Carol Marinelli, Amalie Berlin - Страница 51

‘I’M GOING TO take off your dressing, Macey,’ Candy said. ‘Steele wants to have a look at it.’

‘Are you working tomorrow?’ Macey asked, because Candy only had a four-hour shift and finished at lunchtime.

‘I am, but I’m working down in Emergency.’

Macey was improving. Her medications were starting to kick in and she was engaging with the staff and other patients. She was also taking her meals unaided but she was still far from the feisty woman who had arrived in Emergency.

Steele came in just as Candy had got the dressing off. It was clearing up but it was very sloughy and still a bit smelly and as she saw it, Candy blew out.

‘I’m just going to get the phone,’ she said, even though it wasn’t ringing, but she felt a bit sick. ‘I won’t be long.’

‘I was like that,’ Macey said to Steele, ‘when I was …’ Macey quickly changed what she had been about to say mid-sentence. ‘When I was nursing.’

‘No, you weren’t,’ Steele said. ‘You weren’t some young pup who couldn’t stomach a bit of pus.’

Macey looked at him.

He knew. She was sure of it.

Steele did know because he had seen the cape carefully held to hide Macey’s stomach in the photo in the entrance hall. He’d also done a little delving and it would seem that Matron Macey Anderson had gone to Bournemouth to recover from polio, though she’d made no reference to it when Steele had asked her for her medical history.

Tell me, his eyes said as Macey’s own eyes filled with tears. Steele sat on the bed and took her hand. ‘Talk to me, Macey.’

‘When I was carrying, I was like that.’ She started to cry as a fifty-five-year-old secret was finally released and Steele let her cry. He passed her tissues from her locker, not saying a word as Macey wept.

As Candy came in to do the dressing he briefly looked up to her. ‘I’ve got this, thanks,’ he said.

Candy saw that Macey was upset and left them.

When Macey stopped crying, he didn’t press her for more information; instead, he did the dressing on her leg and afterwards he sorted out the covers. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ he asked.

‘I’d like a sherry.’

‘I bet you would,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back in a moment.’

He took away the trolley, leaving Macey alone for a little while to gather herself. He left the curtains closed around her.

Candy was having a glass of water at the desk and he asked her for the keys to the cupboard where the sherry and things were kept and poured Macey a glass.

‘Is she okay?’ Candy asked.

‘She will be. I’m going back in to talk to her,’ Steele said. ‘Macey saw you get a bit dizzy and has got you down as pregnant. I told her you’re not and that they don’t build nurses as strong these days.’ He gave her a grim smile and then explained what was happening. ‘As it turns out, she had a baby.’

‘Oh …’

‘Macey has never told anyone until now so it’s a huge deal to her. I’m just giving her a few moments to gather herself,’ Steele said, ‘and then I’m going to go in and speak with her. Would you tell Gloria to make sure that we’re not disturbed?’

‘Sure.’

‘If she has any visitors …’

‘I’ll say that the doctor’s in with her.’

‘Thanks.’

He walked back behind the curtains. Macey had stopped crying and she gave Steele a watery smile.

‘Sorry about that,’ she said.

‘Why should you be sorry?’ Steele asked, handing her the glass of sherry. ‘I’m glad that you told me. Would you like to talk about it?’ he offered.

‘I don’t know how to,’ Macey admitted. ‘It’s been a secret for so long.’

‘Not any more,’ Steele said. ‘It might help to talk about it.’

‘I got pregnant when I was twenty-seven,’ Macey said. ‘He was married. I was never much of a looker and I suppose I was flattered. Anyway, my parents would have been horrified. They would have said that I was old enough to know better. We’re never old enough to know better when it comes to matters of the heart, though. Instead of telling them, I confided in one of the matrons here. I thought she’d be shocked but she was more than used to it and took care of things. I was sent down to Bournemouth to have him. Everyone thought that I had polio and that was the reason I was away so long. Instead, I had my son and he was handed over for adoption.’

‘I’m sorry, Macey,’ Steele said. ‘That must have been so painful.’

‘It still is.’ She nodded. ‘I was very sick when he was delivered. I did everything I could not to push because I knew that as soon as he was born he would be taken away. I passed out when he was delivered and I never got to hold him and I never even got to see him. When I came around the next day I asked if I could have just one cuddle but I was told it was better that way. It wasn’t.’

‘Have you ever tried to look him up or make contact?’

‘Never,’ she said. ‘I’ve thought about it many times but I didn’t want to mess up his life if he didn’t know he was adopted. I was told that he had gone to a very good family and that I was to get on with my life. I came back to work and threw myself into my career, but I’ve thought about him every single day since.’

‘And his father?’

‘I had nothing to do with him after that,’ Macey said. ‘We worked alongside each other for a few years afterwards. I think at first he thought he could carry on with me as before but I soon put him right. I told him to concentrate on his marriage. I’m very ashamed that I had an affair with a married man.’

‘Try not to be ashamed,’ Steele suggested. ‘Perhaps it would be better to view that time with remorse but do your best to leave the shame out of it.

‘I know you must have felt very alone at the time but I can tell you from all my years doing this job that what happened to you happened to a lot of women from your generation.’

‘He was married, though.’

‘You weren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last person to have an affair with a married man. My guess is you’ve more than paid the price.’

‘I have.’

‘Forgive yourself, then,’ Steele said. ‘Have you thought about discussing what happened with your nieces?’

‘Sometimes,’ Macey said. ‘I wake up some nights, imagining them finding out what happened after I’m gone and not being able to speak about it with me.’

‘Maybe consider speaking with them again,’ Steele suggested. ‘And if you want help telling them, or if you want me to do it for you, let me know.’ He watched as Macey frowned, though it wasn’t a dismissive frown. He could see that she was thinking about it. ‘And if you never want to discuss it again, then that’s fine too.’

‘I might think again about telling them …’ she said. ‘There’s just so much guilt. Sometimes when I’m enjoying myself I feel that I don’t deserve to.’

‘Let the guilt go, Macey,’ Steele said. ‘You are allowed to be happy.’

Candy sat at the nurses’ station, staring at Macey’s curtains, but, though usually she’d be curious, right now she wasn’t wondering what was going on behind closed curtains.

Steele’s throwaway comment about Macey thinking that Candy was pregnant had immediately been disregarded but now a small nagging voice was starting to make itself known.

She felt so tired.

Seriously tired.

There were many reasons that could account for that but the usually energetic Candy could barely walk past a bed without wanting to climb into it.

And she had felt sick a couple of times.

Actually, she’d had a bout of stomach flu a few weeks ago. Or she’d assumed it was stomach flu.

But she’d had her period, though it had been light, but she was sure that was because she had gone back on the Pill.

God, was it that fabulous bra that had given her such cleavage?

Stop it, Candy told herself.

Except she couldn’t stop it.

‘How is she?’ she asked, when Steele came out from behind Macey’s curtains.

‘She’s having a cry so keep them closed.’ He told her a little about it. ‘She doesn’t want her nieces to know at this stage but at least she seems to be thinking about telling them.’ He frowned at Candy’s distraction. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ she said.

She wasn’t, though.

Macey’s words had seriously unsettled her.

Candy did her best not to let them.

She headed for home and looked around her flat. She opened the fridge to sort out the milk and things but let out a moan when she saw that it had already been done.

Her parents had been around.

Candy looked at a letter on her kitchen bench and saw that it had been opened.

It was her bank statement.

And there were flashing lights on her answering machine that Candy knew would be messages from her parents—they were really the only people who called her on her landline.

Candy took a breath and called her mum. She sat for five minutes wondering why it had to be like this as her mum demanded to know where she’d been and what she’d been doing.

‘I’ve been really busy with work,’ she said, loathing that she had to lie and then deciding not to. ‘I’ve been doing a lot of extra shifts,’ she explained, and took a deep breath. ‘I’ve booked a holiday. It was a last-minute thing.’

‘Where?’

‘Hawaii. I go next Friday for two weeks.’ Candy closed her eyes and tried to answer in calm tones as the questions started.

‘I’m going by myself,’ Candy said. ‘I just felt that I needed to get away.’

No, she couldn’t afford it and as she was told that Candy thought of the first day she had met Steele, who had simply said, ‘Good for you.’

‘Mum,’ Candy interrupted. ‘I’m going on holiday, I want to go and I’m not going to argue about it with you.’

‘You listen—’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I love you very much, you know that I do, but I’m not going to run everything that I do by you.’

It hurt to have this discussion but she knew it was way overdue. She knew they loved and cared for her and that they expected to be involved in every facet of her life. It just wasn’t the way Candy wanted to live any more.

‘Ma, I’m not arguing,’ she said. She took a breath, wanting to tell them to please ring in the future before dropping around. She wanted to ask for the return of her keys but baby steps, Candy decided, so she dealt with that morning’s events. ‘Mum, I don’t want you opening my mail and I’ve told you over and over that I don’t want you coming around and letting yourself in when I’m not here.’

She meant it. So much so that when her mother pointed out she was just trying to help and, anyway, she’d need someone to take care of the flat while she was in Hawaii, Candy snapped in frustration. ‘It’s not a stately home that needs taking care of. It’s a one-bedroom flat!’

It didn’t go well.

Candy knew her requests would be, as always, simply ignored so after she put down the phone she did what she didn’t want to but felt she had to.

She made a trip to the hardware store, but not just for locks. She also bought a drill.

Then she had to go back to the hardware store a second time because after numerous attempts her shiny new drill wouldn’t screw in a nail but a very nice guy explained what a drill bit was for!

She loathed that she’d done it.

She loathed more than that that she’d had to, but she had realised that despite the move she hadn’t really left home. Her parents saw her flat as a bedroom with a slightly longer hall to walk down. Candy thought of Steele hiding in her room that night and knew that was the reason they stayed at his place.

No, Candy thought as she turned the new lock on her door and then headed for Steele’s, it was her life.

It was a long day for Steele.

A very long day.

He stopped by Macey’s bed at the end of his shift and she asked if he would speak with her niece when she visited tomorrow.

‘Of course I will,’ Steele said.

Then he had a meeting to sit through, which really had nothing to do with him, given that he’d be gone in a few weeks. Not that it stopped him putting his point across about the lengthy waits in Emergency. Oh, and a few other things too.

By nine he should be more than ready for home but for once Steele was tentative.

There was no bread waiting for him in the toaster.

Steele walked through his apartment and put Candy’s case, which he had bought in from the car, down in the hallway. He knew she was here and he knew where she probably was.

He walked through to the bedroom and, sure enough, there was Candy, fast asleep in bed with the light still on. He looked at her black curls all splayed out on the pillow and he looked at the dark circles under her eyes and he stood there for a full two minutes, watching her sleep deeply.

Steele made his own toast and then had a shower and tried to watch a film. It was a film that he had been meaning to watch for ages but, unusually for him, he couldn’t concentrate.

There was something else, far deeper, on his mind.

He turned off the television and lights and got into bed next to Candy, and she rolled into him.

‘Sorry,’ she said sleepily. ‘I saw the bed and couldn’t resist. When did you get back?’

‘Just now,’ he said, though it had been a good hour.

‘I changed the lock on my front door.’ Her voice was groggy with sleep.

‘Good for you,’ Steele said. ‘Go back to sleep.’

She did.

He didn’t.

Instead, he lay staring at the ceiling.

Yes, there was a lot on his mind.

Macey’s words had now seriously rattled him too.