Читать книгу There Comes A Season - Carol Steward - Страница 12

Laura watched her three children climb into the tree house Todd and the kids had finished building only weeks before his heart attack. She wondered how their lives would be altered by his absence.

Would her sons grow up knowing how to treat their wives and children? How could she begin to answer the boys’ questions about puberty? Her own brother was nearly ten years her senior. She knew nothing of what changes her sons would experience.

Would Carrie learn how to relate to men? She seemed so lost without her daddy. One minute she would be a happy little girl, the next, overflowing with any number of emotions.

Laura understood exactly what Carrie was going through. It had devastated Laura when her grandfather had died. He’d been her best buddy, especially the summer before they found the tumor. Experience had taught her nothing, she realized. She’d felt the same sense of loss, and yet she had no way to help her daughter’s pain go away.

That evening, T.J. bounded into the kitchen while Laura was preparing dinner. He grabbed a carrot and munched noisily. “How can Daddy be happy in heaven without us?”

Laura put down the knife she was using, and her mouth opened, though the words she sought would not come. She leaned on the counter and looked at the younger version of her husband. “Heaven isn’t like Earth. There is no sadness and pain.”

“Do you think Daddy asked God why he had to die?”

“Yes, your dad probably had a whole list of questions for Him.” She wrapped her arms around her son and gave him a kiss. “I think God is telling Daddy the same thing that I remind myself of each day, that He hasn’t given us any more than we can handle. Sometimes it’s not easy to understand God’s plan, but the Bible says we should trust in the Lord with all our hearts.” Could she really expect her son to believe words she herself had questioned over and again in the past few months?

“Oh,” T.J. said, accepting her answer with a childlike trust. Then he ran back to the playroom.

Laura stood, surrounded by the emptiness that her son’s difficult questions prompted. “God, why isn’t it that simple for me? Why can’t I accept your wisdom with that same kind of trust?”

Later, while she was getting ready for bed, a raw and primitive grief overwhelmed her. Her entire body ached from uncontrollable sobs. “What do you expect of me God?” Stepping into the shower, she let the tepid water drip over her face and tired body. Inhaling deep, she leaned her head back. “How can I possibly raise these three children alone, God? They were all Todd and I could handle together.”

The next weekend her best friend, Barb, and her husband Chuck came for dinner with their two kids. Realizing how much she’d missed entertaining, Laura had looked forward to adult conversation all week.

Barb snatched a mushroom from the salad, and Laura scowled.

“Don’t start, Laura. My boss is driving me crazy. I’m almost ready to get back into child care,” Barb proclaimed.

“Right.” Laura laughed, still chopping vegetables for the salad. “If you want more chaos in your days, you are crazy.”

“A doozy, huh? What happened?”

“Ty and Jeffrey’s mom came and needed to talk just as the kids were getting up from their naps. I shouldn’t complain, it’s been months since she’s stopped long enough to visit. I think she was afraid to bother me after Todd died.” Laura checked the lasagna and filled the glasses on the table. Carrie escorted Barb’s daughter, Kate into the room.

“Mom, you said we could have pop tonight,” Carrie complained with an air of authority.

“After you drink your milk, you may.” Carrie moaned aloud while Laura called the boys to dinner and continued her story. “Since a parent was here, the kids decided to test the limits. Carrie started playing the piano. The two-year-olds pulled all the toys off the shelves. Jeffrey left the basement door open when he went to find his lost dinosaur. Rachel moved like a centipede toward the stairs. Letisha just kept on talking. When I tried to get around her, I dropped Jacob’s bottle, the top flew across the room, and formula splashed from the ceiling to the floor. I did reach the door before Rachel took a nosedive down the stairs.”

“Is that all?” Barb said in a sarcastic tone.

“Of course not. T.J. and Chad burst through the door fighting and screaming. Then, to make matters worse, the phone rang, and the school principal called about a fight Chad had been involved in. I’m so glad it’s Friday.”

After dinner, Chuck turned on a movie for himself and the kids, suggesting Laura and Barb escape to the family room to visit. Laura sank into the sofa and leaned her head back.

“You need to take a break.”

“Right, a vacation to my island paradise, huh?” She gave Barb a knowing glance.

She and Barb were more like sisters than friends. Barb knew Laura better than Laura did herself, and that in itself created some difficult situations. But what was worse, was Laura wanted to reach out, to talk, to feel again. And she knew Barb knew it, too.

“Talk to me, Laura,” Barb said quietly. “You have something on your mind.”

“Why do I bother trying to hide anything from you?” After a lengthy silence, Laura looked at her friend. “I have to learn to cope, as much for the kids’ sake as my own,” Laura murmured. “I have never understood how single parents deal with everything.”

“I think they learn to accept help when it’s offered,” Barb suggested.

Laura straightened her back and lifted her chin. “I will not become dependent on anyone again.”

“It’s hard now, Laura, but it’ll get easier. There are more important things than work. Let yourself relax every now and then. Even God took a day off.”

“I used to enjoy throwing around the football, kicking a few goals and pitching a few home runs. Now there’s no time or energy for that. It’s a constant struggle to keep up with the day-to-day stuff.”

“I’m sure it is. Something has to give.”

Laura rolled her head from side to side. “But what? I can’t ask any more of the kids. They’re already starting to notice we’ve cut most of the fun day trips from our schedule.”

“Then let’s take the kids to the zoo one of these weekends.”

“That would be good for us. Get outside, walk, and of course, I have to get some cotton candy.”

“Now you’re talking like yourself.”

After they’d finished the dishes, Barb hugged Laura.

“What was that for?”

“I just have this feeling.”

Laura laughed. “Don’t do this to me. The last time you had one of your ‘wonderful’ feelings, I ended up sick for nine months.”

“Admit it. You wouldn’t know what to do without Chad keeping you on your toes.”

“That’s an understatement. At least that won’t be the case this time. Maybe I’m going to win the lottery. Of course, since I don’t play, I couldn’t win.”

“No, that’s not it I see a change in you.” She looked at Laura, studying her. “You’ve become stronger.”

“You mean more stubborn. It couldn’t be physically, I haven’t had time to work out or walk since before Todd died.”

“I don’t mean either. It’s emotional. God must be preparing you for something.”

This time, Laura laughed aloud. “Oh please. You’re being ridiculous.”

Barb wagged her eyebrows, then smiled. “And whatever it is, you’d better hang on to your hat, because it’s going to take everything you’ve got, and more.”