Читать книгу There Comes A Season - Carol Steward - Страница 15

Thanksgiving reminded Laura that even with all she’d lost this year, she still had much to be grateful for. That still wasn’t enough to ease the loneliness Todd’s death had created.

Much about the day had been the same as always, family had gathered, the air was crisp, and the television continued to offer the traditional parades and football mania. Though everyone missed Todd, no one talked about him. That, too, had become a tradition in the short time since he had died. Pretending that everything was okay. That the pain, no matter how intense, would disappear if ignored.

It didn’t.

Even the call from Kevin had been a welcome break. After hanging up, Laura turned to her mother. “Bryan’s roommate just called. It turns out Bryan and Jacob stayed home alone today and Kevin seems concerned. Since we have so much food left over, I thought I’d take him some.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, honey. Your dad and I’ll watch the kids. If he’s a football fan, maybe he’d like to come keep your father and brother company.”

“Can’t hurt to ask.”

Laura wrote down the address and got into the car. A few minutes later, she pulled into the driveway of Kevin’s home. She grinned at the image of two bachelors living here. Gathering the plates, she climbed the steps and elbowed the doorbell.

Bryan answered after a long delay. “Laura! What are you doing here?” Before she could reply, Jacob tried to jump out of Bryan’s arms and into hers.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” She held up the plates. “I thought you might enjoy this.”

Bryan motioned her inside. His eyes narrowed. Laura set the plates of turkey dinner on a coffee table, then took the baby and snuggled him close. “Hi, Jacob. Are you and Daddy having fun?”

“Just having a few beers and watching the football games,” Bryan mumbled, reaching for dirty dishes strewn across the table.

“Sounds relaxing.” Laura handed him another empty beer bottle, then offered him a warm smile.

“So, does your child care service always include complimentary, holiday dinners? Or am I a special case?”

Puzzled by his mockery, she replied, “If you don’t want it, I’ll be glad to take it home. I’m sure someone there would enjoy it.”

“Did Kevin ask you to check on us, or was this your idea?”

She didn’t know how to answer. If she claimed credit, he’d think that she had a personal interest in him. If she admitted Kevin had called her, she’d break the confidence he’d placed in her and possibly create problems between the two men.

Before she could answer, Bryan made the decision for her. “No matter,” he said turning into the kitchen. “Thanks for your concern, but as you can see, Jacob and I are doing fine.”

Laura heard the clamor of dishes and empty bottles. She hugged Jacob, letting his small warm body soothe her nerves as she followed Bryan.

Watching Bryan from the doorway, his clenched jaw confirmed her suspicions. “What’s wrong, Bryan? You haven’t been the same since Friday…”

His dark eyes filled with a burning, faraway look.

“Bryan…?”

He dropped a baby bottle into the dishwater and raked wet hands through his hair, then slammed his fists on the counter.

“I guess I shouldn’t have come. I just thought, well…I thought that I was a little harsh Friday night about you not calling to let me know you’d be late.” She handed Jacob to him and turned to leave.

He took hold of her arm and motioned for her to go into the living room. “Don’t go. We need to talk. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you.”

Laura sat on the sofa and hid a toy rabbit from Jacob, urging him to find it. She raised her eyes to find Bryan watching them.

“If I’ve done something…”

“You haven’t done anything. It’s about Jacob. He’ll be staying with my sister after Christmas.” Bryan walked to the tall, narrow window and gazed into the fading sunset.

“Oh,” she whispered.

“I expect to pay until you can find another child. I know this must be a difficult time to find a new client.”

“You mean he’s staying there permanently?”

He shrugged, lowering his head. “This isn’t an easy decision.”

“I’m sure it isn’t. You’re giving your son away?”

“It’s best for him,” he snapped.

“I know the adjustment was hard for you at first, but the roughest part’s past. Are you sure about this?”

When he didn’t answer, she knelt beside Jacob, who was reaching for a photo album. Rescuing the open book, she saw photos of Bryan and a woman standing before an elegant white stone fireplace. She wore a stunning cream sequined dress with diamond-and-emerald jewelry that matched her green eyes.

Jacob’s mother was beautiful. Not that that should come as a surprise.

Laura turned the pages. In every picture Jacob’s mother was immaculately dressed. Laura couldn’t imagine this woman pregnant, let alone cuddling the little boy Laura had come to love.

She glanced at Bryan, who continued to stare out the window at the darkened sky, ignoring Jacob’s happy squeals.

“I realize that your family was broken up just when it was starting, Bryan, but this seems so drastic. You and Jacob need each other now more than ever.”

Laura felt her words of comfort were hollow. How could she possibly help someone else deal with his grief when she had such difficulty herself?

“The three of us were never a family.” He grabbed the album from Laura’s hand and flung it across the room. The leather-bound book crashed into the wall and tumbled to the floor.

Jacob wailed, frantically reaching for Laura. She swept him into her arms and bounced him on her hip until he calmed down.

Bryan turned away and began to clean up the mess, carefully replacing the pages in the binder.

“I’m a pretty good listener.”

“We’ll be fine.”

“You think you’re the only one who’s angry about losing a spouse?” she said, her voice racked with emotion.

“I don’t think you understand the situation.” He glared, not at her, but past her, as if at an invisible enemy.

“I’m willing to try.”

“You couldn’t begin to understand, Laura. Your life is so sheltered…” His bellow stopped midsentence. He dropped the album into an empty chair and jammed his hands into his pockets.

“Yes, it was once,” she softly admitted. The guilt she’d been fighting blanketed her. Why was it that this man could infuriate her at the same time her heart swelled with feelings she couldn’t understand?

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

Frustration fed the tension between them.

Bryan continued, “I’m just not cut out for fatherhood. You make parenting look so easy.”

Laura closed her eyes, rubbing her aching temples, giving in to the tension that had been building all day. “Abandoned. Confused. Angry. Afraid.” Her tone hardened. “Easy? I know what you’re feeling, because I was there. I was Mrs. Todd Bates, wife, best friend, mother. Todd was everything to me.”

“I’m not…”

“No, Bryan, let me finish. I’m tired of this pedestal you seem to have put me on. I have the same fears and frustrations you and every other parent has. And like you, I’m learning to face them—alone.” She backed away and collapsed against a closet door.

He sat on the couch, his profile rugged and somber.

She swallowed hard, asking God to fill her with courage. She wasn’t sure if Bryan believed in Christ or not, or whether he would even listen. What she saw as God’s handiwork, others often saw as coincidences. Laura sat on the edge of the sofa.

“Bryan, there hasn’t been an easy day since Todd died, whether we’re talking children or not. As much as my kids mean to me, there are days I don’t know how I can cope. Yet God placed them in my hands, to raise, to love, until He’s ready to take us home. It’s the same with my clients’ children.”

Bryan reached across the sofa and took hold of her hand. The warmth and tenderness surprised her. “He gave you a very special gift, Laura.”

She pulled her hand away, refusing to let herself feel anything for a man who could turn away his own child. “He gave you one, too, Bryan. A son.”

“Right. And I’m doing a real bang-up job with him.”

“It’s no sin to be less comfortable with a baby than an eight-year-old. God made each flower different. Some tolerate heat, some last until the snow falls, and some are only pretty a few weeks in the spring, but God takes care of them all in His special way.”

As he considered her minisermon, she continued. “It won’t ever be easy without Todd, but I know now that I can manage. God answers our prayers every day, big and small.” Tears, trapped by her stubborn will, fought for their freedom.

Laura let the silence lengthen before proceeding. “What is sending Jacob to his aunt really about?”

“Andrea was nothing like you.”

“I can see that. So?”

Bryan remained silent, staring blankly at the wall. Laura waited. He picked up his son, then turned to her. “Until a week before I met you, I knew nothing of Jacob. Had no idea I was even going to be a father.”

Laura gasped.

“She left me right after she found out she was pregnant, by my estimation. A year later her lawyer called and told me she’d died, and that I was a father.”

Laura shook her head. “How could she…not tell you?” How could Andrea look into Jacob’s beautiful brown eyes, touch his smooth olive skin, hold his long fingers and not think of his father, Laura thought.

Jacob grinned, and her tears broke loose with a reluctant laugh. “Good grief, he even smiles just like you, first one side, then a whole smile. He’s a spitting image of you.” Laura’s teary gaze met Bryan’s in a silent shared understanding. “What your wife did was terrible, Bryan, but it’s past. Jacob needs you.”

Bryan looked at his son as Jacob closed his eyes and rested his head on Bryan’s shoulder. He picked up the thermal blanket, walked down the hall, and returned emptyhanded.

When he came back, he again tried to explain the unexplainable. “I need time to work through this. It was so sudden. One day I was giving a 110 percent to my job, and the next, I’m trying to figure out how a baby thinks.

“My career is ready to take off, that’ll mean more traveling, longer hours. It’s all hitting at once. He deserves more than I have to give him.”

“In a blink of the eye, Jacob will be ready for footballs, computers and girls. Where will you be? Still in the office, climbing that corporate ladder. For what? A son who doesn’t even know you?”

Bryan wondered how she could read his mind and verbalize his fears after knowing him only three months. Already she’d made a difference in his son’s life. In his too, if he’d admit it.

“Don’t let whatever happened between you and your wife ruin what you and Jacob can have.”

“I don’t even know what happened between us, Laura. One day she was here, the next she was gone! And a year later, her son is creating total havoc in my life.”

“He’s not just her son!” The words ripped impatiently out of her mouth.

Bryan turned away. Laura had no idea what she’d just said. Had no idea how many times he’d hashed over dates, events and documents in the last few days, struggling to overcome doubts that he was Jacob’s biological father. He needed time and distance from the baby to come to terms with Andrea’s betrayal.

“Isn’t there anything I can do to convince you, Bryan?”

He shook his head. “The decision’s been made. Cass and her husband will be able to give him everything I can’t.”

“Everything you won’t, you mean!” Laura stood and paced the floor. “Tell me that you don’t love the idea of raising that little boy, Bryan—of coaching his football team, of sharing an ice-cream cone…”

“Stop it, Laura. This isn’t your problem.”

As if he’d totally worn her out, she clipped each word. “Put the past behind you.”

Thinking of the many times he’d seen that dreamy look appear in her clear blue eyes when talking of her husband, Bryan realized she was as guilty as he. “Is that how you manage?” He turned and faced her, his voice thick with sarcasm. How different his life would be now if his wife had ever felt for him what Laura had for Todd.

She looked as if he’d slapped her. “I do the best I can, but I couldn’t have made it through the past few months without God.”

“I think I burned those bridges behind me a long time ago.”

She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze straight on. Two deep breaths, and her anger was replaced with a serene confidence. “He doesn’t keep score, Bryan. He knows your needs and is just waiting for the invitation to help.”

“Sometimes, it’s just not that easy…”

Jacob started crying, yet Bryan hesitated. Laura looked down the hall, then back to him. He could see the panic in her eyes, almost feel her heart racing, trying desperately to scheme a way to mend his rotting soul.

“There’s a Sunday morning singles’ class I’ve been attending. I was reluctant at first, but it’s been very helpful. If you’re interested…let me know.”

She turned and walked out the door.

“Don’t hold your breath,” Bryan grumbled.