Читать книгу There Comes A Season - Carol Steward - Страница 8

“He’s coming back! I know he is. He promised me, Mommy. Daddy said he’d take me fishing today.”

“No honey, he’s not.” The tears fell from Laura Bates’s eyes as she held her six-year-old son. Chad had seen the paramedics work on his father in the middle of the night and screamed when they took him away. “Chad, Daddy died. He can’t ever come home.”

“Why didn’t you stop him! You should have stopped him!”

She couldn’t control his anger, or the sting as his words pierced her heart. Though Laura understood that Chad didn’t know what he was saying and how badly it hurt her, it didn’t stop the guilt from digging deeper into her soul. “I tried. Believe me, I tried.”

“I want Daddy!”

“I know. I do, too.” She gave Chad a kiss and looked at her older son, T.J., who stood silently looking out the window toward the tree house he and his father had built the previous month. “Come here T.J.,” Laura said gently. T.J. obeyed, dragging his feet. There were no tears in her son’s eyes, just a stoic expression on his face.

T.J. took a jagged breath, and finally a terrified grimace appeared. Laura gently drew his stocky body into her embrace. “It’s okay to cry, T.J., don’t stop the tears.”

“Uncle Ian said boys shouldn’t cry.”

“Uncle Ian is wrong. It’s going to hurt for a long time, and if you want to cry, it’s okay.” Laura touched her forehead to his and they rubbed noses. T.J. grinned.

Her daughter, Carrie began crying as she joined her mom and younger brothers. She had always been her daddy’s girl. Laura brushed the tears from Carrie’s face. “I love you, Carrie, and so did your dad. He loved you kids very much.”

“Oh, Mom.” She sobbed. “I’m going to miss him so much.”

“I know, punkin. It’s not going to be easy.” They sat in Todd’s stuffed chair comforting each other for a long while before the beams of sunlight came through the maple trees and lit the breakfast nook.

Laura rubbed the back of her neck and shoulders and moved her fingers up to her temples and pushed hard, trying to force away the recurring memory of waking with a chill in her spine.

Her best friend touched her shoulder. “Laura, why don’t you go lie down for a while. You need some rest Family will be here soon.”

“Thanks for coming, Barb. Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s okay. Go to bed, honey.”

As Laura walked into her bedroom, she realized she was exhausted. She stared at the walls of the room she and Todd had shared, looked out the window, tossed and turned, but rest eluded her. How could you do this to us, Todd? You said you’d see us in the morning, you held me last night. How can I ever go on without you? Laura cried, and yelled, and pounded her fists into the pillow, as if she were still trying to save Todd.

Weary, she lay down, listening to the silence. Hers was not a quiet house. Her children were never quiet, Todd wasn’t quiet and the toddlers and preschoolers she watched certainly weren’t quiet. The silence surrounding her now was proof that nothing would ever be the same. She wanted to hear the laughter again, to see Todd chasing the kids through the house. She wanted to yell at all of them to settle down. “Oh, God,” she silently prayed, “please let me yell at Todd to grow up again. The big kid never got the chance,” she whispered.

Laura heard the faint drumming of raindrops on the roof, fast, then slow, then the splash of water as cars drove by. “How appropriate that you should make this a dreary, wet, good for nothing but curling up in bed day, God. At least you didn’t make it a beautiful, sunny, perfect fishing day. You explain to the kids why their father won’t be here to take them fishing anymore! You tell them who will answer their tough questions! You tell them who is going help them grow up, because I have no idea how to do all of this without him!” She pounded the tearstained pillow and shoved it under her head.

A few days later, Chad asked his mother, “Who will my new daddy be?”

Laura froze. “What makes you ask that?”

She could see Chad was surprised by her response and possibly a little embarrassed at his own question. “We talked about it in Sunday school.”

“They talked to you about finding a new daddy?” She felt a sudden chill.

“No, but ‘Lizabeth’s daddy is getting married, and I was just wondering if you would.”

“Sometimes parents do meet another person, fall in love and get married.”

“If you get married, will you still love us?”

“I won’t ever stop loving you. Getting married doesn’t mean parents will love their children less. God helps us make more love.”

Once they were home, Laura took Chad into her arms. “Chad, right now, I’m not ready to find you a new daddy. I have you three, and that’s all I need. I loved your dad a lot, and I’m not sure I can ever love anyone that much again.”

“If we ask God to help you, you can. I’ll help.”

How in the world could she deny a little boy’s prayers? God’s words of reassurance came to mind, “I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.” She sighed. “Thank you, love. I know that God could help, but give us some time, okay?” Laura hugged him gently—for his innocence, his honesty and his naive faith. Time would only prove Chad wrong. She loved her son dearly, and wished this was one lesson she didn’t have to let him learn on his own.

Later that night, she couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a man brave enough to accept her and her three children? Someone man enough to dim these memories of her past? A man strong enough to dare her to love again?