Читать книгу Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 8

I arrived in the meeting room that afternoon five minutes early; even so, Amelia, Joss’s social worker, whom I’d met when she’d brought Joss to me, was already there, talking to another woman I took to be Joss’s mother. I smiled as I sat down but Amelia didn’t introduce me, so I said, ‘I’m Cathy.’

‘Sorry,’ Amelia said. ‘This is Cathy, Joss’s current foster carer. Cathy, this is Linda, Joss’s mother.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ I said. Linda managed a small smile. She looked anxious and a little intimidated. ‘Joss is coming here on the bus, straight from school,’ I clarified, and Linda nodded.

‘You’re Joss’s third carer, aren’t you?’ Amelia now said, looking at me.

‘Yes, and I need to be her last. She’s had too many moves.’

‘I’m pleased to hear you say that,’ Linda said quietly. ‘It’s been an added worry for Eric and me.’

‘I can imagine.’ I sympathized.

‘The social services were talking about putting Joss in a secure unit if her behaviour didn’t improve,’ Linda said.

This was news to me. I looked at Amelia.

‘It’s something that we might have to consider if Joss doesn’t turn her behaviour around, to keep her safe,’ she said.

No pressure then, I thought.

‘But you know how to look after Joss, don’t you?’ Linda asked me, desperation in her voice. ‘They said you were very experienced.’

‘Yes, I am,’ I said. ‘And I’ll do my very best. I think there are a lot of things we can do to help Joss.’

‘Thank you so much,’ Linda sighed gratefully.

I’d taken an immediate liking to Linda and felt sorry for her. Quietly spoken and unassuming, she was petite – I could see where Joss got it from – and in her early forties. She must have suffered dreadfully after her husband’s suicide, and then her stab at happiness had ended in disaster with her daughter becoming out of control and leaving home. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare.

‘Is Joss doing what you tell her?’ Linda asked. ‘Amelia says her behaviour has already improved.’

Since Joss had been placed with me Amelia had telephoned twice for updates and had obviously passed these on to Linda, although with a little embellishment by the sound of it.

‘There haven’t been any major incidents,’ I said, ‘although the first weekend I had to report her missing to the police. There have been a couple of instances of her drinking and, I believe, smoking dope when she’s out with her friends, but no violence. I’ve sanctioned her and she’s not happy with me, nor with the boundaries I’m putting in place. I know she wants to talk about these today, but it’s early days yet, so I’m hopeful.’

‘So you haven’t had to call the police to her?’ Linda asked. ‘She hasn’t hit you?’

‘No. Joss obviously has a lot of anger and I wonder if counselling would help?’

‘She won’t go,’ Linda said. ‘Our doctor has offered it a number of times. When my first husband …’ Linda paused and took a deep breath. ‘When my first husband took his life, our doctor thought it would help Joss to come to terms with the bereavement, but she wouldn’t go. I did. Then, more recently, after I married Eric and Joss’s behaviour deteriorated badly, I went to our doctor again. But when I told Joss I’d been she got so angry. She accused me of betraying her father and even said that I’d made him so unhappy that he took his life.’ Her eyes filled. ‘It’s not true. We were happy together. No one was more shocked than me. There was nothing in our lives that could have made him do that.’ She stopped and looked away.

The room was quiet for a moment and my heart went out to her, then Amelia said, ‘It’s often the case that loved ones have no idea their partner is thinking of suicide.’

Linda gave a small nod and, taking a tissue from her handbag, blew her nose.

‘I’ll ask Joss if she will attend counselling at CAMHS [Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services],’ Amelia said. ‘I suggested it when she first came into care, but she refused. Maybe she’s changed her mind.’

The door opened and Jill came in. ‘Sorry I’m late – the traffic’s heavy,’ she said. Then to Linda, whom she hadn’t met before: ‘I’m Jill, Cathy’s supervising social worker.’

‘Hello,’ she said.

Jill sat next to me. I glanced at the wall clock. It was now five minutes past four. ‘I told Joss to come straight here,’ I said, feeling responsible for her lateness.

‘I hope she comes,’ Amelia said, a little weakly. ‘One of the items on my agenda is to draw up a contract of behaviour, and I can’t do that without Joss.’

A contract of behaviour is a signed agreement between the young person and the adult(s) responsible for them, sometimes known as a home rules contract. It’s a set of rules and expectations to modify the young person’s unsafe or unacceptable behaviour, with rewards for improving it and consequences for not doing so. For example, the young person may have to be in at a certain time, or do their homework, or stop swearing, smoking or drinking. The consequence of breaking a rule is usually the loss of a privilege.

‘What do you do if Joss doesn’t do what you tell her?’ Linda now asked me.

‘I explain why I’m asking her to do – or not do – whatever it is, and if she still won’t cooperate I warn her that I’ll have to sanction her. Then I make sure I see it through.’

‘What sort of sanction?’ Linda asked.

‘Sometimes I remove the television from her bedroom. All teenagers like to relax on their beds and watch television. It’s just for a set period – for example, an hour – then I return it. It’s a statement as much as anything, saying that she has to do as she’s told. I’ve also withheld her pocket money and she earns it back through good behaviour. She’s not happy with that and it’s something else she wants to raise today.’

‘Eric and I tried all sorts of things,’ Linda said. ‘But it just made Joss hate me and become more angry.’

‘Joss doesn’t hate you,’ Jill said. ‘She’s upset by everything that’s happened. It’s coming out in her behaviour. We tend to hurt the ones we love.’

At that moment the door opened and Joss came in. ‘Are you talking about me?’ she asked confrontationally.

I saw Linda tense.

‘Of course,’ Jill said lightly. ‘You’re the most important person here.’

‘We haven’t really said much so far,’ Amelia said timorously. ‘We were waiting for you.’

Joss pulled out a chair at the far end of the table, away from us all, sat down and tucked her earphones into her bag. She hadn’t said hello to her mother, nor had she looked at her, although Linda was looking at Joss very anxiously.

‘Now we’re all here, let’s start by introducing ourselves,’ Amelia said. ‘I’m Amelia, Joss’s social worker.’ We took it in turns to state our name and role. When it was Joss’s turn she gave a snort of embarrassed laughter and said, ‘Joss, the foster kid.’

‘Thank you,’ Amelia said to Joss as she wrote in her notepad. ‘I’ll be taking a few notes of the meeting, although we will be keeping it very informal so there’s nothing for you to worry about, Joss.’

I heard the patronizing edge in her comment, and so did Joss.

‘Whatever,’ Joss said with attitude and a dismissive shrug.

Linda looked at her daughter but didn’t say anything, and I formed the impression that she was frightened to chastise her.

‘This meeting gives us a chance to work together and plan how we can best help you,’ Amelia said, addressing Joss. ‘First, perhaps you’d like to tell us how you feel you are settling in at Cathy’s. You’ve been there two weeks now.’

‘OK, I guess,’ Joss said with a shrug.

‘Cathy has children of a similar age to you,’ Amelia said. ‘How are you getting on with them?’

‘OK, I guess,’ Joss said again.

‘She’s getting on well with everyone,’ I said.

‘I can confirm that,’ Jill said. ‘Joss has settled in well.’ Although Joss’s stay with me so far had been far from easy, it was important we stayed positive as well as addressing the negative issues so that Joss could hear good things said about her too.

‘So you’re happy to stay at Cathy’s for the time being?’ Amelia now asked Joss. This wasn’t the right thing to say, and I saw Jill look at Amelia. The question suggested to Joss that she could leave whenever it suited her, which shouldn’t have been an option. Every child in care needs to feel secure by putting down roots with their foster family and bonding with them.

I was half expecting Joss to reply with something like, ‘For now, maybe,’ but to her credit and my relief she said, ‘Yeah. It’s OK.’

‘Good,’ Amelia said, making a note. ‘Is there anything you want to add about living at Cathy’s? Anything you particularly like or dislike?’

‘Not really,’ Joss said, and shrugged again.

‘All right,’ Amelia said. ‘Let’s start by looking at the contact arrangements with your natural family. As you know, you’re in care voluntarily, under what is known as a Section 20. That means you and your mother agreed it was best for you to come into care, so the department didn’t have to go to court for an order. We can therefore decide on the level of contact, and at present you go home when you want. I think it would be a good idea to formalize the contact arrangements so that you have set days when you see your family. For example, you could spend all day Saturday with them so you can see more of your brother.’

‘Yeah, I want to see more of Kevin,’ Joss said. ‘But not if he’s gonna be there.’ He, of course, was her stepfather.

Amelia looked at Linda for her response.

‘I can’t ask Eric to go out every Saturday,’ Linda said quietly. ‘It wouldn’t be right. It’s his home too.’ Which was a fair comment.

‘There! Told you!’ Joss exclaimed. ‘It’s always him!’

‘Perhaps Eric could go out for part of the day?’ Amelia suggested. ‘Or maybe you and the children could go out? To the cinema, shopping or to the park, or similar?’

‘It’s possible,’ Linda said. ‘I’d have to ask Eric. He likes to do things together as a family at the weekends.’

‘That’s right. You go and ask him! What about me?’ Joss snapped.

The problem Linda was experiencing is one faced by many stepfamilies: trying to be fair to all family members and cater for everyone’s needs. It’s a juggling act and plenty of stepfamilies struggle in the early years. For some it never works out, and sadly either the children leave home as soon as they can or the parents end up separating.

‘What do you think about going out with your mother and Kevin?’ Jill asked Joss, who was now tapping her fingers on the table and looking very moody. ‘Would you like to give it a try?’

‘Yeah, OK,’ Joss said.

‘I’ll talk to Eric and see what I can do,’ Linda said. ‘In the meantime, can we carry on as we have been, with Joss popping in when she’s free? I only work part-time so I’m home after school. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, it’s nice to see her.’

Again I felt so sorry for Linda, who was caught in the middle and trying to please everyone.

‘Or we could formalize it,’ Amelia persisted. ‘We could set some days when Joss definitely goes to you after school – say, Tuesdays and Thursdays, from four till six?’

‘No, that won’t work,’ Joss said. ‘I won’t know if I’m seeing my mates until the day.’ Joss liked to hang out with her friends after school, and that in itself was causing a problem, as she was getting into trouble with them.

‘I think I’ll leave it as it is,’ Linda said. ‘Then Joss can pop in when she wants to.’

Amelia accepted this and made a note. ‘But you will ask Eric about Saturdays?’

‘Yes,’ Linda said.

‘I need some more of my stuff from home,’ Joss now said. ‘I want my sound system.’

‘I’ve told you, you can have it,’ Linda said. ‘It’s yours. But I’m concerned it might get damaged if you take it on the bus.’

‘Perhaps I could bring Joss in my car to collect what she needs?’ I offered.

‘Thank you,’ Linda said. ‘It was an expensive present and I don’t want it broken.’

‘Shall we set a date for that then?’ Amelia asked.

‘Wednesday,’ Joss said.

‘That’s all right with me,’ Linda said.

‘And me,’ I confirmed. ‘What time?’

‘Five,’ Joss said.

I made a note in my diary. ‘You’ll need to come straight home after school, or I can pick you up in my car?’ I said.

‘I’ll use the bus,’ Joss said. ‘But I’m not speaking to the creep.’

‘Don’t talk about him like that, please,’ Linda said softly. ‘It’s very hurtful. He’s my husband.’

‘And I’m your daughter! Or was!’ Joss snapped. Linda didn’t respond, but I could see she was upset. It was the first time I’d seen mother and daughter together, and it was painful and pitiful to watch. Joss was clearly very angry with her mother and appeared to have the upper hand. I guessed Linda felt guilty that her marriage had resulted in Joss going into care and therefore she didn’t like to speak more firmly to her.

‘Is there anything else you need to make your stay at Cathy’s more comfortable?’ Amelia now asked Joss.

‘A front-door key,’ Joss said.

‘I’m sure Cathy has a spare one she can let you have,’ Amelia said, turning to me.

‘I have a spare key,’ I said. ‘But I’ve explained to Joss that she won’t be having it just yet. Not until she can show me she is responsible enough to own one – by coming home on time and improving her behaviour at school.’

Amelia and Linda looked slightly taken aback and glanced at Joss for her reaction.

‘I think that’s fair,’ Jill said.

‘So do I,’ Linda said, emboldened by the stand I was taking. ‘I made the mistake of giving Joss a key too young, and so did her other carers. I agree with Cathy. When Joss has proven she is adult enough, then she can have a key.’

‘Is that all right with you?’ Amelia asked Joss.

Of course it wasn’t all right with Joss, and it wasn’t wise to ask her. Young teenagers don’t always know what is best for them, and sometimes the adults responsible for them have to take charge for their own good.

‘No,’ Joss predictably said. ‘Supposing I get home before Cathy. I won’t be able to get in.’

Amelia looked at me.

‘I always make sure I’m home first,’ I said. ‘It hasn’t been a problem yet, has it, Joss?’

‘Supposing I get taken ill at school and have to come home on the bus and you’re not in?’ Joss said, ready with an answer as usual. ‘I’ll have to wait outside in the freezing cold and it’ll make me even more ill.’

I didn’t point out that it was summer. ‘If you’re taken sick at school then the school will telephone me,’ I said. ‘I will come and collect you. No school would ever send a sick child home on the bus. It would be irresponsible of them.’ I’d had a lot of experience of looking after children, and if Joss thought she had an answer for everything, then so too did I. Amelia, on the other hand – in her twenties and, I guessed, newly qualified – didn’t have the same experience.

‘Is that all right, then?’ she asked Joss.

Joss shrugged.

‘I’m sure Joss will earn the right to a front-door key soon,’ Jill said positively, then moving the meeting on she added: ‘What’s next on the agenda? Counselling?’

‘Yes,’ Amelia said, glancing at her notepad. ‘Joss, you remember when you first came into care I explained about CAMHS and asked if you wanted to talk to someone? I was wondering if –’

‘I’m not going,’ Joss said adamantly before Amelia could get any further.

‘Why not?’ Amelia asked.

‘I don’t want to.’

‘Anything you discuss with the counsellor would be confidential,’ Jill said. ‘It can help to talk to a professional.’

Joss hesitated briefly, but then said, ‘No. I don’t want to.’

‘OK. Tell me if you change your mind,’ Amelia said, and made another note on her pad. ‘What’s next?’

‘I want to go out more,’ Joss said. ‘I want that discussed.’

‘Good,’ Amelia said, pleased Joss was engaging with the meeting. ‘Tell us what you would like.’

I sighed inwardly and thought I heard Jill sigh too. Amelia was pleasant enough but so naïve.

‘I want to go out with my mates every night,’ Joss said.

Amelia nodded thoughtfully.

‘What about your homework?’ Jill asked.

‘I’ll do it before I go out,’ Joss replied.

‘I think you should stay in one evening,’ Amelia said.

‘All right. I’ll stay in one,’ Joss said. ‘Monday. There’s not much going on at the mall on Mondays.’ Joss regularly congregated with her friends at the shopping centre in town, often after the shops had closed. It was one of the places where Joss had come to the attention of the police, and on at least one occasion they had tipped away the alcohol she and her friends were too young to have and sent them on their way.

‘I think Joss should be at home with us more than just one night a week,’ I said. ‘She’s only thirteen and she’s behind with her school work. Also, we’d like to see more of her.’ That being at home would also reduce the number of opportunities for Joss to get into trouble I left unsaid, as Amelia, Linda and Jill would be aware of this, and I wanted to stay as positive as possible.

‘I’ll make sure I’m back on time,’ Joss said.

Amelia didn’t respond.

‘Most teenagers I know just go out at the weekend,’ Jill said.

‘Not the ones I know,’ Joss said. ‘My friend Chloe can see her mates whenever she likes. I go to her place sometimes, so I’m not always on the streets. I can sleep at Chloe’s if I like.’

‘Joss is welcome to bring her friends home,’ I said. ‘I always encourage the children I foster to invite their friends back.’

‘I’d rather go to her place,’ Joss said.

‘How would you feel about staying in two nights a week?’ Amelia now asked her. ‘Would that be all right?’

‘I guess,’ Joss said.

‘I don’t think that’s enough,’ I said. ‘I would suggest she goes out on Friday and Saturday only during term time, unless there is a special occasion.’

‘No,’ Joss said forcefully, jutting out her chin. ‘That’s not enough. I’m not a kid. And I want to stay out later than nine. That’s ridiculous.’

The discussion about how often Joss could go out and when she had to come home continued for another ten minutes, until Joss and Amelia decided between them that Joss would stay in two nights, Sunday and Wednesday, but could go out the other nights as long as she did her homework first. It was agreed, though not by Joss, that she had to be back by 9.30 p.m. on a weekday and 10.30 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, unless there was something special on, when she would negotiate a later time with me. Even so, I felt this was too much for a girl of thirteen with a history of getting into trouble. While Joss was out of the house it was impossible for me to protect her, but I could see that Amelia hadn’t wanted to sour her relationship with Joss by going against her. As a foster carer you have to do what the social services decide, unlike in parenting when you can make whatever decisions you deem appropriate for the good of your own child.

‘We’ll include all of this in the contract of behaviour,’ Amelia said as she wrote. ‘And that you will stop smoking and drinking alcohol.’

‘I can’t,’ Joss said.

‘You can try,’ Jill said.

‘Can we include that Joss needs to improve her behaviour and grades at school?’ Linda asked.

‘Yes, of course,’ Amelia said, and Joss sighed.

Smoking dope wasn’t included in the contract of behaviour, as there was no conclusive evidence that Joss had been smoking illegal substances, although her mother, aunt, previous carers and I had all smelt it on her. The sanctions for not complying with the rules of the contract were loss of privileges: not being allowed out and loss of television time. Jill also said that it should be included that if Joss arrived home more than an hour late then, following current fostering practice, I should report her missing to the police.

‘Do you understand that?’ Amelia asked Joss.

‘Fine with me, but I don’t want my pocket money stopped. It’s not fair. It’s my money and I need it.’

‘I understand,’ Amelia said.

‘It’s withheld, not stopped,’ Jill said. ‘Foster carers are very limited in the sanctions they can use, and withholding pocket money for negative behaviour is something our agency approves of, especially for teenagers. They can and usually do earn it back through good behaviour, and if they don’t then it goes into a savings account for them. They don’t lose it.’

‘We tried stopping her pocket money,’ Linda said, ‘but Joss said she’d steal what she needed.’

Joss glared at her mother.

‘I’m sure you wouldn’t be that silly,’ Jill said to Joss. Although we all knew that Joss had been caught twice stealing alcohol from small corner shops.

‘So shall I include stopping your pocket money in the contract?’ Amelia asked Joss ineffectually. ‘Is that all right?’

‘No. But you’ll do it anyway,’ Joss moaned.

I saw Amelia hesitate. ‘How would you feel if I put that only half of your pocket money could be withheld? Then you’d always have some.’

‘Whatever,’ Joss said.

‘Don’t be rude, love,’ Linda said gently.

‘Why not?’ Joss snapped. ‘You can’t tell me what to do. You lost that right when you married him.’

Joss’s anger was vehement and I felt for Linda, just as I’m sure Jill did. Without counselling I couldn’t see how Joss was ever going to move on with her life or accept that her mother had a right to another chance of happiness, and that remarrying didn’t mean she loved her any less.

Amelia glanced at the clock on the wall. It was now 5.40 p.m. We’d been here over an hour and a half. ‘Is there anything else you want to discuss, Joss?’ she asked.

Joss shrugged.

‘Well, in that case I think it would be a good idea to finish now,’ Amelia said. ‘I’ll have the contract typed up and printed, and then I’ll arrange for us to sign it. I’m so pleased you were able to come to this meeting, Joss. I think it’s been very positive.’

The silence from the rest of us spoke volumes.