Читать книгу Daddy’s Little Princess and Will You Love Me 2-in-1 Collection - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 12

That afternoon, I was wondering when I should go in to school to see Miss Willow, when Adrian came into the playground, where I was waiting, with a message. ‘Miss Willow says to tell you that she and Beth are in her classroom, and I’m to take you up.’ He seemed a little proud of the responsibility.

‘Thank you, love,’ I said.

The other children were now coming out of school so I folded the pushchair and then left it out of the way in the porch of the main entrance.

‘Am I going to school now?’ Paula asked as Adrian took her hand.

‘No, sis, you’re too small,’ he laughed.

‘We’re going into school for a little while,’ I explained to Paula. ‘So I can see Beth’s teacher.’

‘I’m going to big school now!’ Paula declared.

Beth’s classroom was on the first floor and Adrian and I took Paula by the hand and we went up the stairs together, with Paula counting the steps – as far as she could – as she did at home. We arrived on the landing and Miss Willow and Beth came out of their classroom.

‘Hello,’ Miss Willow said, coming forward to greet us. ‘Thank you for coming in.’

‘How’s my daddy?’ Beth immediately asked me.

‘He’s doing well,’ I said. ‘Your social worker telephoned. I’ll explain later.’ For I didn’t want to delay Miss Willow.

‘I thought Beth and Adrian could wait in the library,’ Miss Willow said.

‘Yes. I’ll bring Paula in with me,’ I said.

‘We’ll come down when we’ve finished,’ Miss Willow said to Adrian and Beth.

‘Yes, Miss,’ they chimed respectfully. Adrian and Beth went downstairs where the library was situated.

Taking Paula’s hand, I followed Miss Willow into her classroom.

‘Thank you for coming,’ she said again. ‘Do sit down.’ Then to Paula: ‘Would you like to do some crayoning?’

Paula gave a shy nod. ‘I am sure she would,’ I said.

Miss Willow took some paper and crayons from one of the cupboards and set them on the table, then she drew up two extra chairs for Paula and me. Beth liked Miss Willow, and I could see why. She was a warm, friendly person. I guessed she was in her late twenties; she was fashionably but smartly dressed and had long brown hair. I knew she’d joined the school the year before, and playground gossip said she was an excellent teacher. I was quietly hoping that Adrian would be in her class when he went up a year in September.

‘I won’t keep you long,’ she said apologetically. ‘But I thought it would be a good idea if we had a chat, as Beth is living with you. I take it you don’t know yet how long Derek will be in hospital?’

‘No. When Jessie, their social worker, phoned she said he’d had a comfortable night, but that was all.’

‘And you don’t know Derek personally?’ Miss Willow now asked.

‘No. I’ve never met him, although I’ve probably seen him from a distance in the playground at the start and end of school.’

Miss Willow gave a small, thoughtful nod. ‘It’s no secret he’s a single parent. Beth has never known her mother.’

‘So I understand,’ I said.

She paused again. ‘Has Beth said much to you about her father? I know she’s only just arrived, but I wondered if she’d talked about him?’

‘She talks about him non-stop,’ I said, smiling. ‘They’re obviously very close and she misses him a lot.’

‘Yes,’ Miss Willow said, and paused again as though collecting her thoughts.

I glanced at Paula, who was concentrating on her drawing. ‘That’s nice. Good girl,’ I said encouragingly.

‘I’d be grateful if you would keep what I’m going to say to yourself,’ Miss Willow continued, her expression now serious.

‘Yes, of course.’ I met her gaze.

‘The deputy head is aware I’ve asked to see you. We’ve been worried about Beth for some time. Not academically – she’s doing very well with her work – but with regards to her home life.’ Miss Willow paused again. ‘To put it bluntly, we have concerns that Beth’s relationship with her father is far too insular for a girl her age. It’s claustrophobic, and stifling her social development. Beth’s not allowed to attend school outings – there is always an excuse – and I know from the other children she’s not allowed to go to birthday parties or play with friends outside of school. Beth talks a lot about her father. Her whole life seems to revolve around him, and his around her. There was a woman in Derek’s life, but they parted some months ago. The situation deteriorated after that. Beth’s father became ill and Beth became his carer. I was so worried by some of the things Beth was telling me that I spoke to the deputy head, and she alerted the social services. Has Beth said anything to you about …’ Miss Willow paused, searching for the right words ‘… anything that you think is inappropriate?’

I held her gaze. ‘Beth’s only been with me a short while,’ I said. ‘She talks about her father a lot, and she’s brought lots of photographs with her, but she hasn’t really said anything inappropriate.’

Miss Willow gave a small half-nod. ‘I understand. If you do think of anything, would you let her social worker know, please?’

‘Yes, of course,’ I said, puzzled and concerned. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was being asked and had the feeling I wasn’t being told the full story; perhaps confidentiality stopped Miss Willow from saying more.

‘Hopefully the situation will improve now Derek is receiving medical help,’ Miss Willow added.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Miss Willow added. ‘Beth’s a good kid. And I know she’ll be very well looked after staying with you.’

‘Thank you.’

I helped Paula down from her chair and folded her drawing to take with us. I said goodbye and we left the classroom. Holding Paula’s hand we counted down the steps but I was preoccupied and concerned by what Miss Willow had said. ‘Inappropriate’ was the word she’d used. Had Beth said anything inappropriate? Not really, although I remembered I’d felt uncomfortable with the idea of her sleeping snuggled up in my bed as she did with her father. Was that because it was inappropriate? I didn’t know. What Miss Willow had said had taken me by surprise; I’d been expecting a chat about Beth’s progress at school. I realized she must have spoken to Jessie about her concerns, although Jessie hadn’t mentioned them to me.

When we arrived home I told Beth that Jessie had telephoned the hospital and had spoken to a nurse who had said that her daddy had slept well. I also told Beth that she could telephone her father over the weekend. She was delighted. When she went into her bedroom she was pleased with the way I’d displayed her photographs, although she spent a few minutes rearranging them. Beth talked about her daddy over dinner, but with John due home the following evening for the weekend Adrian didn’t appear to feel it so much. ‘You’ll meet my daddy tomorrow,’ he said happily to Beth.

‘You’ll meet my daddy tomorrow,’ Paula repeated.

That night, when I went into Beth’s room to say goodnight, she said, ‘I don’t need Mr Sleep Bear any more. I’ve got my daddy with me.’

I was puzzled for a moment until Beth lifted the duvet to reveal the largest of the framed photographs nestled in bed beside her.

I smiled. ‘I see,’ I said. ‘But the frame is very hard. It might hurt you if you lie on it in the night.’ I was also concerned that the glass could break and cut her if she rolled over onto it in her sleep.

‘I’ll put him under my pillow,’ Beth said. ‘That’s what I did when my daddy was in hospital before.’

‘Oh, when was that?’ I asked. I wasn’t aware Derek had been in hospital before.

‘About a year ago, I think,’ Beth said, kissing the photograph and then sliding it under her pillow. ‘He had to have an operation on his tummy. It was called ernie. When he came home he wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavy.’

‘That would be a hernia,’ I said. ‘So who looked after you while your daddy was in hospital?’

‘Marianne,’ she said, pulling a face. ‘She stays at our flat sometimes. She’s horrible. I hate her.’ It was the first time I’d seen Beth scowl. ‘She loved my daddy, but he didn’t love her. He sent her away. It’s much, much better with just the two of us. I love my daddy and he loves me.’

‘I know, love.’

The following evening, Friday, John returned home for the weekend. As soon as Adrian and Paula heard his key in the front door they rushed down the hall with shouts of ‘Daddy! Daddy’s home!’

I stayed in the living room where I was listening to Beth read as John let himself in and then hugged and kissed Adrian and Paula. ‘We’re in here!’ I called from the living room.

John came into the living room, an arm around Adrian and Paula, and I kissed him and introduced Beth. John knew that Beth was staying; I’d told him when he’d telephoned the evening before. John was as committed to fostering as I was, but now he was working away he could only help at weekends.

‘Hi, Beth,’ he said. ‘How are you settling in?’

‘My daddy’s ill in hospital,’ Beth said. ‘I miss him.’

‘I’m sure you do,’ John said. ‘But the doctors will make him better.’

John sat on the sofa with Adrian beside him and Paula on his lap, making a fuss of the children and generally catching up on their news. Beth was sitting beside me and I saw her expression change and grow gloomy. I could guess why. Now that John was home, the children’s situation was reversed: Adrian and Paula had their daddy with them, which highlighted that Beth’s father was absent. I would try to make it up to her by giving her extra attention.

John ate his dinner with Adrian and Paula seated at the table watching him, while I read Beth a story in the living room. Once John had eaten we played a game together and then I suggested to Beth that she might like to come and help me put Paula to bed. I thought it would give her something to focus on and it would also be nice for Adrian to have some one-to-one time with his father. But Beth didn’t want to come. She said she wanted to stay in the living room, so I left her with John and Adrian. Twenty minutes or so later when I came down to tell John that Paula was in bed and ready for a goodnight kiss, Beth was on the sofa snuggled into John’s side. Adrian, sitting upright, was on the other side of him. Both children were gazing at the book John had open on his lap and was reading from. I told John that Paula was ready for her goodnight kiss and Beth said to John: ‘Do you have to go?’ Taking hold of his arm she snuggled closer into his side.

John hesitated.

‘Yes, he does,’ I said.

‘I won’t be long,’ John said, and gently moved Beth away.

I’d discovered early on in fostering that it was very important (but not always easy) to get the balance right between the attention we gave our own children and those we fostered, to ensure that everyone felt loved, cherished and special.

That night, as I tucked Beth into bed, she asked if John could give her a goodnight kiss, as he had with Paula. ‘Yes, of course,’ I said without hesitation. I called to John, who was in Adrian’s room.

John came into Beth’s bedroom, said goodnight and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

‘Thank you,’ she said sweetly.

‘You’re welcome,’ John said, and I could tell he thought that Beth was as sweet and uncomplicated as I did.

That weekend was bitterly cold and on Saturday we mainly stayed indoors. The children played – sometimes together, sometimes separately and sometimes with John or me. I thought that early afternoon was probably a good time for Beth to telephone her father, so after lunch I left John, Adrian and Paula in the living room and I took Beth to use the telephone in the main bedroom where it would be quieter. Beth perched on the edge of my bed and waited as I dialled the number for the hospital and then asked for Ward 3. Once I was through to the ward I gave my name, explained who I was and that Beth would like to speak to her father, Derek.

‘Just a minute,’ the nurse said. The telephone clunked as it was set down. There was a wait of a minute or so and then the telephone was picked up and a male voice said: ‘Hello, Beth, is that you?’

‘Derek, it’s Cathy,’ I said. ‘Beth’s foster carer. Beth is here beside me.’

‘Oh, thank you so much,’ Derek said. ‘Thank you for phoning. That is kind of you. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m missing Beth.’ Softly spoken, his voice broke. I could hear the emotion in his voice and my eyes immediately filled.

‘I’ll put her on now,’ I said. I passed the telephone to Beth.

‘Hello, Daddy,’ Beth said in a small voice. ‘When are you coming home?’

‘Soon, baby,’ I heard him say. ‘As soon as I can, my princess. But Daddy’s not well right now. I have to get better first.’

‘How long until you get better, Daddy?’ Beth asked. ‘I miss you so much.’

‘I miss you too, princess. Every minute of the day. Have you been to school?’

‘Yes. Cathy took me.’

‘Good. Thank her for me.’

Beth lowered the telephone and, looking at me with round, sad eyes, said: ‘My daddy says thank you.’

‘That’s OK,’ I said, loud enough for Derek to hear.

‘How long before you can come home, Daddy?’ Beth asked again.

‘Soon, princess. As soon as I’m better,’ Derek said.

‘What’s the matter with you, Daddy?’ Beth now asked.

Derek fell silent and I thought it was a difficult question to answer – to explain mental health to a young child.

‘Things have been getting on top of me,’ he said after a moment, his voice trembling. ‘I keep crying. You saw me. That was wrong. It made you cry too.’

‘I know. I don’t like seeing you cry, Daddy. It makes me upset. I wish you were here with me and I could make you better.’

It went quiet again, and then Beth said: ‘Don’t cry, Daddy. Please don’t cry.’

I heard a stifled sob on the other end of the telephone and then Beth passed the telephone to me. ‘Daddy wants to speak to you.’

I took the phone. I could hear Derek’s muffled sobs. ‘It’s Cathy,’ I said gently. ‘Try not to upset yourself. Beth’s fine. I’m looking after her.’

‘I know you are,’ he said, his voice catching. ‘But I can’t talk to her right now. Hearing her little voice is too upsetting for me. Can you telephone me tomorrow, please? I promise I won’t cry.’

I swallowed hard; the poor dear man, I thought. ‘Yes, of course we’ll telephone tomorrow. Is this time all right for you?’

‘Any time is good,’ Derek said, his voice faltering again. ‘Thank you. Please give Beth my love. I’ll be all right tomorrow, I promise.’ Unable to say any more, he hung up and the line went dead.

I replaced the receiver and looked at Beth. Her eyes glistened and her bottom lip trembled. I took her in my arms and held her. ‘Daddy is a bit upset,’ I said. ‘But he’ll be all right soon. He said to tell you he loves you lots and we’re to telephone again tomorrow.’

‘I love him too,’ Beth said. ‘So, so much.’

Sometimes, fostering can break your heart.

I cuddled Beth until she felt better, then I reassured her that her daddy was being well looked after and we’d speak to him again tomorrow. We then went downstairs to join John, Adrian and Paula, who were covering the table with paper ready to do some painting. Beth sat at the table next to John and was soon joining in, and for the rest of the day she wouldn’t leave John’s side. She followed him like a shadow. Clearly missing her own father, she was taking some comfort in John as a father figure, and it crossed my mind that when John left on Monday for another week working away, Adrian and Paula wouldn’t be the only ones missing him – Beth would too. I also thought it was really nice that Adrian and Paula were able to share their father’s attention so easily with Beth, and I felt very proud of them. They didn’t complain and I recognized how lucky I was that my children were so understanding and accommodating of the children we fostered. It takes the commitment of the whole family to successfully foster.

At bedtime Beth wanted John to kiss her goodnight as he had done the previous night. Paula was already asleep in bed and John was in Adrian’s room helping him complete a large jigsaw puzzle that was spread out all over the floor. This had been a work in progress since Christmas, when the puzzle had been given to Adrian. I called to John from Beth’s room that Beth would like him to say goodnight and he came in. At the same time Adrian called out: ‘Mum! Come and see my puzzle. We’ve nearly finished.’

Leaving John in Beth’s room, I went into Adrian’s room where I admired the puzzle. It had over a thousand pieces and there were only about two dozen left to be fitted.

‘Fantastic!’ I said. ‘You have done well.’

‘I’m not going to break it up when it’s done,’ Adrian said excitedly. ‘Dad said we can glue it on a big board and then he’ll hang it on my bedroom wall.’

‘Sounds good to me,’ I said, and congratulated him again on completing the puzzle.

I came out and retuned to Beth’s room and was slightly surprised to see John sprawled on Beth’s bed with his arms around her. He looked up at me as I entered. ‘Beth wanted a cuddle like her daddy gives her,’ he said innocently.

‘She’s got the photograph of her father under her pillow,’ I said with a feeling of unease. ‘And Mr Sleep Bear.’

Perhaps John heard something in my voice, for, giving Beth a quick kiss on the forehead, he climbed off the bed and returned to Adrian’s room to complete the puzzle. John hadn’t done anything wrong, but seeing him lying on the bed beside Beth hadn’t seemed quite right. Miss Willow’s words had come back to me, and the term ‘inappropriate’. It was a word I would soon be learning a lot about.