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Chapter 13

From Alex

To Rosie

Subject Boston visit?

Just taking a sneaky break from performing ‘lobotomies’ to send a quick email to see how you’re getting on with the job search. You have one week left till Randy Andy throws you out of his paperclip empire, so there’s still plenty of time, and if by any chance something hasn’t caught your eye by then, I can send a cheque to help tide you over for a while (but only if you want my help).

I would love to go home right now and go to bed, I am so tired. I’ve worked a double shift so I don’t have to get my hands bloody tomorrow; I have the day off, such bliss … The problem is that when I get home Sally will be getting ready to go on her shift. We don’t have the most sociable hours in the world – well, not unless you count talking to people who are rolling around in agony on hospital beds. Sorry, that wasn’t funny.

I’m just tired, and Sally and I don’t really get to spend a lot of time together, and when we do we’re usually so tired we just pass out.

Here’s a good idea. If you come over with Katie and whatshisname then I’ll take a few days off and we can see all the sights, eat out, enjoy ourselves and I can sleep. And I’ll finally get to meet whatshisname. I’ve had a lousy few weeks; I really need your comic relief! Work your magic, Rosie Dunne, and make me laugh.

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject Rosie is here!

Hello there, misery man. Have no fear, Rosie is here! Sorry things have been shit for you lately. I think life likes to do that every now and again: it does a dip and when you feel like you can’t take any more it smooths out again. But until then, my dear friend, I will try to humour you by explaining the events of my life.

OK, firstly you are a bad, bad influence on me. After I read the masterpiece that was my CV, and after I read your letter I felt so motivated and hyped up that I donned my tracksuit, headband, wristbands and jogging shoes (not really) and I raced around Dublin city like a woman on a mission.

You horrible, horrible man. You made me feel like I could do anything, like I could take on the world (never ever do that again) so I proceeded to drop my CV into every single hotel I’ve ever wanted to work in but was always too afraid to try. Shame on you for giving me strength, because it quickly disappeared and I found myself faced with a million billion interviews with a million billion snotty companies that hated me and my cheek for even thinking I could work for them.

So let’s see, which embarrassing interview should I tell you about first? Hmm … there are so many to choose from. Well, let’s start with the most recent, shall we? Yesterday I had an interview to work at the reception in the Two Lakes Hotel – you know, that really posh one in the city? The front of the building is made entirely of glass so you can see the big bright glistening chandeliers dripping down from miles away. At night-time the building looks like it’s on fire, it’s so bright. The restaurant is on the top floor so that you can look out over the entire city. It really is very beautiful.

But it’s also one of those places where there’s a guy (actually, more of a gentleman) dressed in one of those cloak things and a top hat who stands at the door and refuses to let anyone in. It must have taken me about ten minutes just to get inside the door. He just wouldn’t listen, just kept saying that I needed to be a resident. Honestly, how could anybody ever get to be a resident if they don’t let you in the door? Anyway, finally he let me in and I nearly slipped on the marble floor that was so shiny.

The place was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. No, I mean it literally: the woman at reception actually did drop a pin. I heard it. Well, I suppose the hotel wasn’t that quiet: there was the tinkling sound of a piano filtering out from the lounge, there was a water fountain trickling down through the lobby area – the sounds were just so calming. It even had all those giant pieces of furniture that I always loved as a child, like huge mirrors, gigantic chandeliers, doors the length of my apartment wall. When I stepped onto the carpets I thought I was going to bounce up to the balcony, they were so spongy.

I was seated at The Longest Table Ever for the interview. Two men and a woman sat at one end – at least I think that’s what they were; I was so far away I could barely see (I almost felt like asking them to pass the salt).

So I thought that I would try and make myself sound interested in the company, just like you told me to, so I asked them how the hotel got its name as I wasn’t aware of any lakes in that part of the city. The two men started laughing and introduced themselves as Bill and Bob Lake. They own the place. How embarrassing.

So I basically just kept talking about what you told me to say: how I like working as part of a team, that I’m good with people, how I’m very interested in the running of a hotel and about how I’m such a hard worker and always put my mind to working on tasks and always finishing off what I start… bla bla bla. And then I waffled on for what felt like an hour about how I’ve loved hotels since I was a child and have always wanted to work in one. (Well, the luxury is in staying in one but we both know I can’t afford that.)

And then they go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like: ‘So, Rosie, from the time you spent working at Andy Sheedy Paperclip & Co. what have you learned that you think you can bring to the table here at the Two Lakes?’

Please, like that’s even worth asking.

OK, I have to go now, actually, because Katie just got home from school with the look of evil on her face and I haven’t made dinner yet.

From Alex

To Rosie

Subject Two Lakes Hotel

It’s a shame you had to rush off. I was enjoying that email. Glad to hear your interviews are going so well – it’s cheered me right up!

But I’m dying to no, what was your answer to that question they asked you?

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject Re: Two Lakes Hotel

Alex, isn’t it obvious?

Paperclips!

(They just laughed so I got myself out of that one easily.) OK, so I’m really going now. Katie is shoving pictures that she drew in school in my face. Oh, by the way, she drew one of you … you look like you’ve lost a bit of weight. I’ll scan it to you …

Dear Ms. Rosie Dunne,

It is our pleasure to inform you that we are offering you the position of head receptionist at the Two Lakes Hotel.

On a more personal note, we are very excited about having you here following the success of your interview last week. You come across as a bright, intelligent and witty young woman; the kind of person we like to have working at the hotel.

We take pride in hiring people we ourselves would like to be greeted by in a hotel and we have great faith that the smiles you brought to our faces when we met will also be brought to the customers of the hotel when they arrive at reception. We are pleased to have you as a member of the team, and hope our working relationship will develop successfully over many years in the future.

We ask that you get in touch with Shauna Simpson at reception with regard to your work uniform.

Yours sincerely,

Bill Lake Bob Lake

PS. We would also appreciate it if you would bring those paperclips with you – office supplies are rather low!

You have an instant message from: ROSIE.

Rosie: My God, Ruby, could it be possible that I’m actually going to have a nice boss/bosses? I think everything is finally falling into place.

Ruby: And then she goes ahead and jinxes herself. She will never learn …

From Rosie

To Stephanie

Subject Congratulations

I’m delighted to hear that you and Pierre got engaged! I know we spoke on the phone for hours last night but I wanted to send you this email too. Congratulations! By the way, have you heard from Kevin lately? He never calls or emails me – I think he’s afraid I’m going to ask him to baby-sit again.

Something rather bizarre is happening in my life, Stephanie. I have a boyfriend who loves me, and who I love back, I’m about to start work in the hotel of my dreams, Katie is beautiful and healthy and funny, and I finally feel like a good mum. I feel happy. I want to enjoy this feeling and revel in my good fortune but there’s something niggling at me in the back of my mind. There’s a little voice whispering to me, ‘Things are too perfect.’ It almost feels like the calm before the storm.

Is this how normal life is supposed to be? Because I’m used to drama, drama, drama. I’m used to things refusing to go my way. I’m used to having to struggle, moan and whinge my way into getting something that’s not exactly what I want but that will just do.

This is not something that will ‘just do’, this is perfect; this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to feel loved by someone, I wanted Katie to stop wondering if it was all her fault that she didn’t have a daddy like all the other kids, I wanted to feel that the two of us not only belong together but that someone else would accept us in his life too, I wanted to feel important, I wanted to feel like somebody, I wanted to know that if I called in sick to work that I would be missed. I wanted to stop feeling so sorry for myself, and I have.

Things are going great. I’m feeling really good about myself and I’m not quite used to that. This is the new Rosie Dunne. Young and confused Rosie is gone. Phase two of my life now begins …