Читать книгу The Dastardly Book for Dogs - Chris Pauls - Страница 11

Long ago, choosing a shoe was a simple affair. This is because there was originally only one kind of shoe. It was made of tar-coated leaves which were secured with knotted vines. This made for an adequate after-dinner digestif, but it was nothing to go on about. Eventually humans learned to cultivate shoes to have more palatable characteristics. For instance, the savoury clog was created by carefully combining the chewiness of a flip-flop with the hearty gusto of a work boot.

Today there are thousands of shoe varieties from a wide array of regions. Each has its own distinct aroma, texture and complexity of flavour.

With this broad palette to choose from, the connoisseur must determine which one is right to fit an occasion or one’s prevalent mood.

Here are some favourites, covering many seasonal possibilities and owner budgets. We recommend all without reservation.

Jimmy Choo Crystal Accented Slingbacks: Delicate and with a pedigree, offers a gnawable two-inch heel, tender, earthy back strap and a band of Italian crystals on top which can be picked off and savoured individually. Be forewarned: Indulging in this shoe right before a wedding may come with repercussions.

Russell & Bromley Loafers: Enjoyment of this tasselled slip-on can be maximized by giving it a good soaking in the toilet for a time and then tucking it away in your shoe cellar to let it develop a musky richness. The true shoephile will enjoy deconstructing its complex leather weave.

Nine West Ballet Pump: With its simple, soft underside and light-bodied upper, this flat shoe’s a perfect everyday choice. Its tidy front ribbon and springy elastic back add a surprise finish. Goes great with a dry biscuit.

Dolcis Wedge: The woven wedge heel has a light, breezy flavor, and its ankle wrap ribbon maximizes dragability. Winner of the 2007 Bournemouth Silver Chomp Award.

Animal Slippers: Synthetic materials are subtle at best but usually dull. Lack of flavour, however, is trumped here by the pure satisfaction of tearing one of these big, soft animal-shaped shoes apart. Their design and hearty texture provide a good dry run should you ever find yourself having to do battle with a real lion or monkey.

Bottega Veneta Fantasia Tropez Thongs: Perfect for an afternoon at your owner’s friend’s fancy holiday cottage. Its intricate metallic-front design has a rich bite and allows for good gripping. The decadent leather bottom gives this shoe a smooth, luscious balance.

Rugged Outdoor Sandals: This ambitious shoe features an intense trainer-like bottom and juicy sandal top. A flavour dynamo, with deep notes of Gold Bond. Appropriate for all occasions.

Off-brand Trainers: Opens with a heady bouquet of gym locker, revealing notes of Malaysian pleather. Relish its poor construction in late summer before school starts. Best savoured with an appreciative human child.

Ecco World Class Wing Tip GTX: Tear through its heady leather upper, but you’ll be challenged by its waxed laces and reinforced interior. Cleats offer tyre-like chewing properties with lingering flavours of dirt.

SPECIAL NOTE TO CONNOISSEURS AND BEGINNERS ALIKE: There is one type of shoe you must leave untouched. This is the type with wheels coming out of the bottom. These shoes magically make your owner go much faster, turning a regular walk into a fantastic run!