Читать книгу The Dastardly Book for Dogs - Chris Pauls - Страница 13

Inside has its upside. It’s usually an agreeable temperature, features many comfortable places to nap, and is, of course, the location of your food bowl. The downside is, when you’re indoors, there’s no way to really know what’s happening outdoors. Think about it. This very second, sticky new pine cones could be falling from the sky or a squawky jackdaw might be making a racket with impunity. How would you know? You wouldn’t! Not when you’re inside, anyway.

Is there some way to bring the benefits of indoor living outside so you can keep an eye on things in comfort? Absolutely! It’s called a kennel and building one of your own is easy.

These steps will lead you on the path to dog home ownership and peace of mind.

Step 1. Pick the spot where you want your kennel. It should be prime territory with clear views of garden entry points such as the gate, large trees, and the dark space under the veranda. It must be prominent enough to show potential intruders that you own the place, but just secluded enough to allow for an element of surprise when confronting a trespassing squirrel or errant party balloon. Once you’ve chosen your site, take care not to do your business in that general area. Then begin the process of turning that patch of lawn into dust by digging, running in circles and lying there all afternoon. This is your foundation, so invest some time and don’t cut corners.

Step 2. Once you conceive a design and begin assembling materials, you will quickly realize that you possess neither carpentry skills nor an opposable thumb to operate the required tools. These things make kennel construction possible. You must now secure the assistance of your owner.

Step 3. Next time you are brought back inside, have a snack, then immediately begin barking to be let outside again. Your owner will ignore you at first, but persistence will reap benefits.

Step. 4. You should now find your outdoor time readily increasing. When this occurs, park yourself on your foundation while looking mournfully at your owner’s home. If it’s raining or really hot when you’re let out to do your business, don’t be eager to scratch on the door for re-entry. Just sprawl out on your foundation and look really pathetic. Put on the saddest eyes you’ve got. Make it clear that you really, really like that spot and you wouldn’t be so miserable if there was some sort of shelter available there. Repeat until your owner heads to the DIY superstore.

Step 5. Congratulations! You have a beautiful new kennel!