Читать книгу Silenced and Sidelined - D Lynn D Arnold - Страница 8

Just as silence never has only one meaning and categories are fundamental ways to make sense of the variables, there is also the distinction of breaking silence. This is a declarative act and typically results in some type of behavior change as a result of the expression. We are ending whatever silence has been used up to a certain point.

Some things should be discussed, but we choose not to do so, and this unspoken decision often results in what people deem as “breaking” once something is spoken. When we break the silence, we are sharing a secret that up until now has been “unspeakable.” It is the elephant in the room or the lump in the rug. We know it is there, but we do not speak of it. This “breaking” is less about silence and more about breaking a norm of unspoken agreement that something should remain a secret; stay in the dark, out of sight; out of focus, and at some level accepted.

In 2006, Tarana Burke, a civil rights activist, coined the phrase Me Too on the Myspace social network to bring awareness to women of color in underprivileged communities who were experiencing sexual abuse. Fast forward to 2017; the hashtag “MeToo” went viral when elite players in Hollywood and politics came forward to accuse men in power of sexual misconduct. When a woman tweeted or posted a story with #MeToo, they were breaking their silence and sharing their secret of how they were on the receiving end of sexual harassment or abuse. In January 2018, the research firm GfK (Growth from Knowledge) conducted a 2,000-person nationally representative survey on sexual harassment and assault. They concluded that 81 percent of women and 43 percent of men experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault in their lifetime. Media picked up on this research and reported that most women and almost half of all men are going to experience some form of sexual misconduct.^[6]

As more people come forward and share their experience with this phenomenon, it creates space and safety for others. Once someone breaks the norm and speaks, others are likely to follow. However, how silence is broken is critical. The breaking can lead to, (a) deep and meaningful conversations that shift societal norms of conduct, (b) continued silence that separates, or (c) it can lead to a sense of normalizing the experience. Because it happens to just about everyone—it is a part of life, and the conversation is no longer about shifting norms but adopting behaviors to manage. The language we use when breaking silence around something unspeakable becomes as critical as the decision to speak.

Some may argue that this level of discernment should not be needed to speak. I disagree—especially if you are in a leadership role. Be clear on your intention and your objective before you break the silence. The higher the level of awareness we bring to our secret sharing, the higher the degree of success we will have in shifting conversations and creating change. The secret does not always speak for itself with success.

It is also true that having a secret can cause us to feel silenced. We want to share, and we have definite objectives and sincere hopes for change, but for multiple reasons, we do not think we can express. This leads to the last distinction and the foundation of what this book is about—the silenced. Not every silenced person holds a secret, but what they do carry is a desire to express. They have language, ideas, motivations, and a willingness to speak, lead, and communicate.