Читать книгу Silenced and Sidelined - D Lynn D Arnold - Страница 9

Why bother with reviewing the different meanings of silence? Because! Because! Because! Without these distinctions, we cannot truly understand what it means to feel silenced. The silence that connects, the silence that confuses, and the silence that separates are all demonstrated through non-verbal behavior. We are behaving. Whether we are aware of it or not, consciously or unconsciously, we use our bodies, our eyes, and our intuition when we communicate with silence. It is never absent of meaning.

If we accept the notion that silence communicates and silence is never void of meaning, then we also have to agree that we can learn and adopt behaviors that leverage our use of silence. We can use our agency. We can choose how we listen, and we can decide how we use silence. This is what it means to be our own agent. We are at choice.

To feel silenced is different.

To make sense of the silenced female leader and the stories from the women in this book, we have to appreciate what it means to be our own agents of change. When we are at choice, we can see that we have up to eighty different options available to us at any given time. It means I have a choice in how I use language and how I use silence. I can speak, or I can be quiet; I can participate, or I can abstain; I can stay, or I can leave. When women are feeling silenced, they perceive their options as taken away.

Feeling silenced is a way of showing up in life. It is not always about behavior or choice. Instead, the person’s way of being in the world shifts. In academia, we use the word “ontology,” which means the nature of being. When a woman in leadership feels silenced, her way of being changes. The movement is slow and subtle, but eventually, she will become aware of it and wonder, Who have I become? How did I get so far off track? How do I become me again?

I eye the basket of toys on her shelf and consider reaching for one as I wait. As a researcher, I have become more comfortable with the awkward starts and stops as executive women try to explain to me what it is like for them to feel silenced and how they manage not being a silencer of others. On this particular spring day in May 2016, the silence is so pregnant with meaning that I hold the heavy quiet until she leans forward and speaks to me again.

“None of us are whole or perfect. We all carry these damn invisible backpacks!”

She shifts between animation and reflection as she describes what it means to have power as a leader but feels powerless while still having a title. “Power is real, and we don’t all have it. And we don’t all have it consistently. We have to think purposefully about when we silence, in particular, women. We have to think about how that harms.”

1.

Richard L. Johannesen, “The Functions of Silence: A Plea for Communication Research,” Western Journal of Communication, 38, no. 1, (1974): 25–35.

2.

Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1989).

3.

Laura Whitworth, Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People toward Success in Work and Life, second ed. (Mountain View, CA: Davies-Black Pub., 2007).

4.

The Enneagram can be seen as a set of nine distinct personality types, with each number on the Enneagram denoting one type. It is common to find a little of yourself in all nine types, although one of them should stand out as being closest to yourself. “The Peacemaker Enneagram Type 9,” Enneagram Institute, Accessed March 2, 2018 from: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-9/.

5.

Paul Schrodt, PhD, professor of communication studies, conducted a meta-analysis involving more than 14,000 participants. His findings revealed the silent treatment is tremendously damaging. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful. Paul Schrodt, Paul L. Witt, and Jenna R. Shimkowski, “A Meta-Analytical Review of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Interaction and its Associations with Individual, Relational, and Communicative Outcomes,” Communication Monographs 81, no. 1 (2014): 28–58.

6.

“The Facts Behind the #metoo Movement,” retrieved February 1, 2018 from http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Full-Report-2018-National-Study-on-Sexual-Harassment-and-Assault.pdf. GfK conducted the 2,000-person survey online using the Knowledge Panel, the largest probability based online panel that is representative of the general population. Stop Street Harassment (SSH) commissioned this study. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines sexual violence as “a sexual act that is committed or attempted by another person without freely given consent of the victim or against someone who is unable to consent or refuse.” This is inclusive of forced sex acts, as well as unwanted non-penetrative sexual contact, or non-contact unwanted sexual experiences.