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David McGimpsey
Li'l Bastard
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Li'l Bastard 128 Chubby Sonnets David McGimpsey
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1. Re: Report to the Council, cc The Huffer Foundation
et al.
2. Montreal, home of the Washington Generals.
3. If you can’t leave me be, then leave me alone.
4. To expedite your snooping, my e-mail password is ‘abortionist.’
5. Speaking of stealing cars and running them off into the quarry to collect the insurance money, I ran into your father. Your real father.
6. My Canadian Novel.
7. Bury me beneath the willow but throw out my DVD collection — it’s useless.
8. Even with the kleptomania, I was the perfect boyfriend.
9. Orville Redenbacher’s mistress rejects the label ‘porn star.’
10. You’re now talking to the Sleepy’s Mattress Employee of the Month.
11. David McGimpsey likes — then unlikes — this.
12. If Jesus drove a dependable family-sized recreational vehicle, He would drive a Dodge Caravan.
13. My second, less popular and even less critically successful Canadian novel.
14. Viva Smokey.
15. As my mother was always fond of saying, ‘It depends whose ox is being gored.’
16. If possums were pears, we’d be having fruit salad tonight.
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17. Scrubland.
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