Читать книгу Tell Me a Secret - True Confessions of Britain's Most Erotic Dancers and Models - Dawn Simpson - Страница 18

This is funny but embarrassing … When I was about 14, I used to think I was really cool and hang out with lots of boys. One night we were all sitting on the fence outside my house in Cherry Road, Enfield. I can’t remember what I was doing, but I was showing off as usual, because there was a boy in the group I really fancied. I was showing them how toned and trim my stomach was. I asked one of them to ‘test the firmness’ of my abdominal muscles. With that he punched me hard in the stomach and I let out this almighty rip of a fart in front of all the boys. Those poor shocked boys. No one laughed. They were just stunned that something that loud could come from a girl. I ran to my house and didn’t come back out for about three weeks. I’d have left the country given the choice!

Although my personal best funny moment was when I was going out with an ex-ex-ex-yummy. He was a half-Maltese Thai boxer with black hair and green eyes. He asked me to bring a girlfriend out one night to pair up with his mate for a blind date. I took along a right slapper who lived on my estate who would basically shag anything. I knew she would be a sure thing and I’d get to be alone with my man after all.

I was right. We met in Taylor’s Wine Bar and after an hour of Jack Daniels and Coke she was anyone’s. She went home with this other guy, who failed to tell her he still lived with his dad. That was the end of that, or so I thought. His mate rings the next morning going berserk. Basically he’d took my easy friend home and shagged her. She went to the bathroom, still completely pissed, then she staggers back into bed.

At 7am, this bloke’s dad gets up for work and sees this very naked blonde bird in bed with him. Bearing in mind they must have been in bed asleep TOGETHER for about six hours (I swear to you this happened), he wakes her up shouting, ‘Who the f*** are you?’ She wakes up screaming, ‘Who the f*** are you?’, thinking she’s gone home with a balding, middle-aged, hairy-backed slob in her drunken stupor.

The guy she really did do it with has woken up by now and rushed through into the bedroom, to catch his evening’s conquest in bed with his dad. The pair of them were naked in bed repeatedly trying to convince the son that nothing happened, saying, ‘it’s not what you think!’

I swear it happened. It was 1997 and I’m not using my friend as a disguise for myself!