Читать книгу This Is Not the Life I Ordered - Deborah Collins Stephens - Страница 8

INTRODUCTION TO THE
SECOND EDITION: HOPE REMAINS A STRATEGY (ALWAYS)

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. It is necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from.

MAYA ANGELOU, AMERICAN POET (1928–2014)

What started around a kitchen table with nothing more than the goal of re-inventing ourselves has resulted in a community of women who still contact us with their stories. We thank you. We feel privileged to write a book that gives hope, inspiration, encouragement, and lessons for all women—anywhere, anytime, at any age. Hope remains a strategy—always.

This edition enters a world that feels like a runaway train and, on many days, a complete train wreck! In 2008, our paperback edition came roaring into a world where headlines screamed that we had entered the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Truly, it was a time that few of us saw coming and none of us ordered. Yet, survive we did.

We wrote this book because of the great upheaval and discord in the world. The polarization in our communities adds to the anxiety that far too many women face on a daily basis. We believe that each time a woman rises in the midst of difficult circumstances, our world heals. This book is our contribution to that healing.

WHAT'S NEW?

Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you truly forget how much you have always loved to swim.

TYLER KNOTT GREGSON, AMERICAN AUTHOR (1981–)

Since the first edition of our book, we have learned some new lessons that we've added to this second edition. We're excited to introduce you to women who have made comebacks and created remarkable lives. We're excited to share advances in science that have supported many of the lessons we recommended in our first book. And we've added our children's voices by sharing their experiences as they lived the lives we did not order. We hope their hard-earned wisdom will help others. In this edition, you'll also find new chapters on resilience, accompanied by steps and plans for designing a life that brings you joy. To help you in that endeavor, we've expanded the tools, tactics, and lessons on grief and loss.

We are living in the age of empowerment, where the Women's Marches, Time's Up, and MeToo movements show what can happen when women come together to make tomorrow better than today. There is no better time than now to form your own kitchen-table group, whether in person or online, to create a place where women can come together to support one another. This book gives a road map for creating your own group and a framework for sparking your motivation.

WHO ARE WE?

It's ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.

ANONYMOUS

Life is a never-ending series of changes—both good and bad, and often indifferent. Together, we've learned to navigate and survive them. You may be thinking: Who are these women? What are their credentials? Well, we are not psychologists (although we have seen a few). We are not self-help experts (although we have read their books). We don't profess to have discovered any ultimate truths. We are simply four women who have banded together to help each other on our journey through life.

Jan Yanehiro says: “My divorce is final and I am gloriously single! The death of my first husband was terribly sad and awful, but I found divorce far worse. I keep saying that the next book I write will be This Is Not the Husband I Ordered. Change creates new opportunity—and a great one landed in my lap when I was asked to start a brand new School of Multimedia Communications for the Academy of Art University in San Francisco. When I accepted the directorship, I said to Elisa Stephens, the president of the university: ‘You know, I'm old and I'm bossy . . . and I can make this happen for you!’ Life is full. If I ever need a safety net, my girlfriends are there and I am grateful.”

Jackie Speier lost her election for Lt. Governor of California by less than three points and ended her term as a state senator. Taking a job in a law firm with a dogged determination to continue in public service, but with no clear path for doing so, Jackie had a “desire versus destiny” moment. She ran for the 14th Congressional District seat in the US House of Representatives and won! “Always expect the unexpected or at least be prepared,” Jackie says. Now serving in her tenth year in the House, Jackie has become a national figure on issues of sexual harassment, gun violence, and attacks upon our democracy by foreign interests.

Michealene Cristini Risley took a trip to Africa—and it wasn't a vacation. She went in search of a story on the terrible plight of young women and children in Zimbabwe. Arrested and interrogated by Zimbabwean officials, Michealene and her crew were imprisoned and then thrown out of the country. She continued her work as a human rights activist and her documentary, Tapestries of Hope, won multiple awards. She is the CEO at Curiosity Ink Media, where she is building media franchises and creating wholesome kids' entertainment. With her husband, Eric, and together with their children, Christopher, Austin, and Dillon, they have realized that home is truly where the heart is.

Deborah Collins Stephens's husband died; then her daughter graduated from college. “I'm learning to live alone after being married for thirty-three years,” she says. When her son, Aaron, married, Deborah walked him down the aisle, gaining a daughter-in-law whom she adores. The sorting through of possessions—moving from a large house into a small bungalow—carried over into her work. “Now, I only choose to spend my time with people and on projects that I truly love,” she says. “I've earned that right!” Deborah continues to consult in leadership development and is an executive coach—but only with women leaders. Why? “Simply because we need more of them and I'm committed to doing my part,” she affirms.

Thank you for reading our book. May you climb into a new life and achieve your dreams. Know that we will be cheering you on.

Deborah Collins Stephens

Michealene Cristini Risley

Jackie Speier

Jan Yanehiro