Читать книгу Amorous Woman - Donna George Storey - Страница 16

Caroline was clever to call it ‘homework.’ She knew I couldn’t resist the chance to get an ‘A,’ even if it was in the art of masturbation. And so I told my mother I had to study for a test and retired to my bedroom early that night.

I lay in the darkness, my hairbrush beside me, the handle carefully washed with mild soap and dried with a clean towel. My heart was pounding in my throat. I played with myself all the time, but I’d never put anything inside, not even a finger. Would there be blood? Would I scream out in pain? Would my hairbrush respect me in the morning?

My hands wandered under the covers, and I slowly hiked my nightgown up to my waist. I slid my hands down over my belly, tracing feathery circles with my fingertips as I went. My right hand dipped between my legs, the left settled on top, protectively. This was my usual position for self-pleasuring, but it suddenly seemed funny, as if one hand were trying to keep the other from escaping. This time maybe it was.

I touched my middle finger to my clit. I was already wet, and in fact, I’d been tingly down there since my talk with Caroline. My heart was a taiko drum, hammering louder and faster, and I feared for a moment that I might come in a few strokes and blow the assignment.

I took a few deep breaths and forced my finger into a lazier rhythm, teasing flicks rather than a desperate, home-stretch strumming.

And then, suddenly, I knew I was no longer alone. My eyes were closed, but I could feel him walk into the room. I smelled him, too, Old Spice aftershave and a hint of male sweat. He didn’t visit me every time I touched myself, but he’d been coming regularly almost from the beginning. I never saw his face, but I knew he was an older man from his voice, a bit hazy, as if he were calling through a door, but deep and smooth and utterly confident I would do everything he commanded.

‘Pull down the covers, Lydia,’ he said softly. ‘You know I like to see your naked pussy when you play with yourself. Much better than watching a twitching little lump of hand jiggling away under the blanket.’

I felt a sweet stabbing sensation low in my belly, lust and shame all twined together. Obediently I pushed the blanket down so that anyone standing at the bottom of my bed would have a fine view of my lower half, thighs parted, vulva exposed.

‘What’s this I see beside you? Are you going to do something naughty with that brush?’

Reluctantly I nodded, my eyes squeezed shut.

‘You have become a bad girl since you started listening to your cousin. But of course I’m very glad you’re taking her advice. The world would be a happier place with more women like her.’

‘I’m not sure I have the nerve to do what she said,’ I confessed. My lips weren’t moving, but I knew he understood.

‘Of course you do. I want you to do it, and you don’t want to disappoint me. Why don’t you pick up that brush and press it against your virgin hole?’

With a quivering hand, I reached for the brush and held the rounded end of the handle against my secret lips.

‘Very good. Now push. Gently. Very gently.’

Ever the star student, I probed myself gingerly with my makeshift dildo. There was a mild stinging sensation, but with steady pressure I managed to coax it in a few inches. I pressed my other hand to my chest to keep my heart from jumping free of my rib cage.

‘A little farther now,’ the voice urged.

‘I don’t know if I can.’

‘Try, Lydia. For me. Show me how brave you are.’ I pushed. The entire handle slipped inside.

‘Very good. I knew you could do it. Now move it in and out slowly. I know you want to open yourself for your lover. And for me.’

This is indeed exactly what I wanted. Somehow he always knew just what to make me do, as if he could see desires inside me I myself didn’t understand. He knew when it was time to stop the fucking movements and ease the brush out, knew I could soothe the lingering soreness by touching my clit again and coming on my hand, while he watched and murmured words of approval and even snapped a few photos for his collection along the way. And then, as quickly as he’d come—and I’d come—he vanished into air.

Afterwards, I curled up under the blankets, hugging my extra pillow to my chest like a lover. Could any real man know me so completely? Especially if, as Caroline said, I had to lie to him to lie with him?

Sex and honesty didn’t fit together so easily. Even as a virgin, I seemed to know this was true. Which is why it was so funny that I ended up telling the guy who popped my cherry the truth from the beginning.