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As children we start out as positive, wide-eyed beings, willing to explore and get things wrong. At this early stage we do not have labels for these experiences, we are not preoccupied with success and failure, we just have experiences from which we learn.

Young children can drop an object from a table over and over again and find the whole process fascinating. Sooner or later the adults in our lives intervene and give us their view of the world. Eventually, we begin to adapt to other people's view of the world and how they view us.

We become preoccupied with seeking approval, conforming or rebelling. Expressing ourselves authentically and dropping the armour-plated coating we have developed to shield us from external criticism, becomes one of our biggest challenges.

Living in the gap

• Are you living ‘in the gap’ between where you are now and where you want to be?

• Do you yearn to do great things, but ultimately remain in your comfort zone arguing for your limitations?

• Does the experience of fulfilment remain just out of reach, unrequited, like the mythological lovers portrayed in frescos – always chasing the object of their affections but never quite catching them?

• Do you keep yourself stuck by holding on to pain?

• Do you keep part of you hidden from view for fear of being judged, misunderstood or rejected?

Over to you

Look through these ten questions

Here is a taster of what we will be looking to do – some practical exercises to make this real. Just answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the following statements to find out how much you are living in the gap.

1. There is a part of you that remains hidden and unexpressed for fear of judgement.

2. You are constantly imagining a time in the future when you will be happy, e.g. when you have more money, have a better relationship, more freedom, are slimmer, have a bigger house …

3. You have internal voices that let you know you are not good enough and not worthy.

4. You often find yourself withdrawing by sleeping, drinking, smoking, eating, feeling ill, no energy.

5. You wake up feeling exhausted and wishing it was the end of the day when you can sleep.

6. You hate your commute to work.

7. You feel unappreciated by your boss, your husband, your wife …

8. You never have any time for yourself.

9. You can't remember the last time you really had a deep belly laugh and some great fun.

10. You feel unfulfilled and demotivated.

How many times did you answer Yes? The more Yeses you have, the bigger the gap to close!

I come across people all the time who are channelling too much energy into stuff that is not ultimately giving them a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. They have become caught up in the rat race or are shackled with golden handcuffs in a job that pays well but to which they have sold out for a pension; most importantly they do not experience choice, what they do experience is ‘having to’.

The best things in life are free but are only available to anyone who has the intention, desire and vision to see beyond their limitations and present circumstances.

‘Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.’

Nido Qubein