Читать книгу Anger Work: How To Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind - Dr. Robert Puff - Страница 5

First let me address those of you who know you’re angry. You have been mistreated or abused and you’ve had enough of that. You may be in touch with the feelings of your anger, but have not yet started expressing them, or you may be a seasoned veteran at “giving people a piece of your mind.” You may even have a “temper problem” and experience episodes in which your anger seems to have control of you, rather than you being in control of your anger.

People have been getting angry since the beginning of time: that is nothing new. You may be thinking I don’t need a book to tell me to get mad when somebody does something that ticks me off! But Anger Work is not simply “getting mad” at someone, nor does it deal exclusively with the present.

People who describe themselves as having a “temper problem” are generally people who have had some very negative experiences in the past. Because they have not yet successfully worked through all their feelings about these events, they walk around with “leftovers”. That is, leftover anger from situations that happened a long time ago.

They bring these “leftovers” with them into every new situation. The result is that they are already somewhat angry before anything happens. So when someone does something that might normally be a minor source of irritation, the person with “leftovers” finds him or herself inordinately angry. They feel the anger of the current situation plus the “leftovers” they had in store. In situations that would normally make them feel genuinely angry, and for good reason, they go beyond that and become explosive. Instead of assertively asking someone to stop the offending behavior, they may haul off and slug the person or berate them verbally.

You may be experiencing problems because of angry outbursts you have had, and now you are dealing with the consequences of your expression. Or maybe you haven’t done anything regrettable yet, but you feel like a volcano about to explode and burn everything in your path. If either of these descriptions fits you, you will find the section on No Acting Out Anger At Others particularly helpful. You can learn how to channel your anger and aggressive feelings in positive ways. Over time you will work out all your residual feelings of anger so that you have no “leftovers”. You will break out of the negative cycle of anger > outburst > guilt > regret > shame > anger (without becoming a doormat).