Читать книгу Listen My Son - Dwight Longenecker - Страница 29

In every circumstance, therefore, all should follow the authority of the Rule, nor is it to be rashly abandoned by anyone. No one in the monastery is to follow the prompting of his own heart; no one is to presume to argue rudely with the Abbot, or to argue at all outside the monastery. If anyone does so presume, he must submit to disciplinary measures. The Abbot himself, however, in all his actions must fear God and keep the Rule, bearing in mind that most surely he will have to render account for all his decisions before God, the most just judge.

If, however, there are less important matters to be transacted for the well-being of the monastery, the Abbot should take counsel only with the senior monks, for it is written, ‘Take counsel about all you do and afterwards you will have no regrets.’

There are two points which apply to family life in today's reading. Firstly, Benedict makes it clear that the abbot is subject to the Rule just as the monks are. So children, like monks under obedience to an abbot, will find it far easier to obey if they see that their parents also follow the rules.

Having clear rules of behaviour for everyone in the home is the best way to encourage harmony and peace. Everyone likes to know where they stand and what is expected of them – especially children. Within this chapter which encourages consultation, it is good to remember that rules should be established together in a family. St Paul advises us not to embitter our children (Col. 3.21). Nothing irritates more than having rules imposed arbitrarily. So while children should learn to obey unconditionally, it is also fair to explain why the rules are there and how everyone benefits from them. Likewise the system of rewards and sanctions should be discussed and explained fairly. It is far easier to obey when we know exactly what the consequences of our action will be.

Keeping to the rules not only helps children, but it helps us as well. If we take the time to explain the rules, rewards and sanctions, then we will understand better what we hope to achieve. We will also be less likely to lose control and punish harshly if we observe a fair system of warnings and positive rewards which we have established together.

Benedict's second point concerns the proper way to argue within the family. Notice that Benedict doesn't forbid argument. Instead he lays down some rules. So children should be forbidden from arguing with parents outside the home. This is not only an unsociable display of bad temper, but it shows disloyalty. Within the home disagreement is allowed, but the monk should never ‘argue rudely’ with the abbot. Somehow in family quarrels we have to express our anger without falling into uncontrolled rage and violence. We also have to avoid the error of bottling up our emotions and responding with supercilious superiority.

The usual reason that argument becomes either heated or icy is because a problem has been brewing for some time and no one has had the courage to bring it into the open. So the best way to keep argument manageable is to encourage constant and open communication. Both children and parents should be able to express their feelings honestly, but without losing control. Of course things sometimes become nasty. That's how we learn to wrestle with the dragon of our emotions. The remedy is not to forbid harsh words, but to struggle together to put things right with instant forgiveness, and the resolution to do better next time.