Читать книгу General Impressions - Edmée Elizabeth Monica Dashwood - Страница 11

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Regrettable, and not even original, simile relating to Parrot-house at the Zoo—but this painful General Impression immediately dispersed when the hour strikes and the chairwoman takes her seat, giving place to admiration for such perfect punctuality.

A MEMBER (rather defiantly, in an undertone). I suppose we can smoke? Men always do. (Lights up.)

General Impression that this is a perfectly logical attitude. The Smoking Member is supported by half a dozen others, and the atmosphere would be even more masculine than it is, if so many of those present did not produce little blue or pink or purple pocket-combs and make use of them, carefully placing their hats on the table—where they become inextricably entangled with Agendas and Memos and Things.

THE CHAIRWOMAN. I will call upon the Secretary for the Minutes of the last meeting.... Oh, I think I'd better read them myself, if nobody minds, because poor Miss Kay has such a cold. Will that be all right?

General Impression that it will.

A COUNTRY MEMBER (who has a little dog upon a chain concealed under the table—suddenly and sharply). Hush!

Tendency on the part of the whole Committee to look under the table and exchange indulgent smiles.

After some Discussion.

AN EMPHATIC MEMBER. You see, what I feel so strongly is, that if we do anything of that kind, we're simply bringing discredit on the Whole Movement, and Ruining our own Cause. That's really all I mean.

General Impression that she could hardly have been expected to mean much more.

A DIFFIDENT MEMBER. I must say that I do, in a way, see the point of what the last speaker has just said, although of course one knows so well that there's more than one side to a question, so to speak. I mean to say, isn't there?

THE CHAIR (not unreasonably). Are you speaking for the Resolution, or against it?

THE DIFFIDENT MEMBER. I really don't feel we've fully thrashed it out yet, quite, in a way.

A MEMBER (who has an engagement elsewhere, suddenly and strongly). I move that the question be now put.

General Impression that this is worthy of the best masculine business traditions.

THE CHAIR. We want to consider our Leaflet, too, and especially that paragraph on page 2 about propaganda.

A MEMBER (who, judging by appearances, is almost certainly a University Woman). There are no less than two split infinitives in that leaflet, and the whole thing ought to be rewritten.

A universal rustle indicates that the Split Infinitives are being pursued by the other members of the Committee,—some of whom, alas, will fail to recognize them when they do find them.

After a Financial Statement.

THE TREASURER. ... so that our balance in the Bank amounts at present to one hundred and six pounds fourteen shillings and eightpence.

Subdued applause, quelled by the usual qualifying clause that invariably follows any announcement relating to any balance on the credit side.

... Out of which we actually have to pay office rent, fifty pounds, expenses of the Show, twenty-four pounds three shillings and tenpence, and to meet an account for wear and tear of office furniture in the past six months, amounting to four pounds two shillings and three halfpence.

General Impression that the more ingenious members of the Committee can work out quite an interesting problem from the question: How, exactly, is wear and tear to office furniture computed? And what, exactly, was the three-halfpenny worth of damage?

THE CHAIR. ... Then, if that meets your point, Mrs. Way, I think we can put it to the vote——

A VOLUBLE MEMBER. Ah, but I think there, again, madam chairman——

A gradual depression descends upon the Meeting as the Voluble Member goes on and on, and the hour of whatever meal is due draws nearer and nearer. Even the little dog of the Country Member begins to fidget, and is not, this time, requested to Hush!

THE VOLUBLE MEMBER (at the close of a most eloquent speech). And that, really, is why I ask you to vote for this resolution.

Resolution voted for with entire unanimity and much pushing back of chairs. General Impression prevails, however, that this mightn't have been so, in spite of the Voluble Member's eloquence, if the session hadn't been quite such a long one, and hadn't taken place on such very uncomfortable chairs.