Читать книгу General Impressions - Edmée Elizabeth Monica Dashwood - Страница 15

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First General Impression that this—like so much else—has changed, and there is no longer the old amount of Clean, Wholesome, English Fun to be derived from the whole subject of Dentistry ... since no one's head is tied up in a handkerchief, no one is in tears, and no one says a word about False Teeth. O tempora! O mores! Mais oů vont les neiges d'antan—and so on and so forth ... reflections that spring inevitably to the Thoughtful Mind in contemplating a careless generation....

Temporary revival of the Thoughtful Mind at sight of the same old periodicals on the table, survivals of the old order of things ... a copy of the Sphere of seven years ago, two numbers of Punch dating from the Armistice, an Illustrated London News with most of the leaves torn out, and a mountainous erection of a strange little periodical—never encountered anywhere else in the civilized world—entitled How to Tell the Wild Flowers from the Birds—or something like that, anyway.

A VERY SMALL CHILD (brightly). Don't you love coming to the dentist, Mummie?

MUMMIE (with that lack of candour so characteristic of a parent). Very much indeed, darling.

THE V. S. C. I do hope he'll use that nice buzzer, don't you, Mummie?

MUMMIE. I dare say he will, darling, if you ask him nicely.

General Impression that in the old days, a dentist on receiving such a request as this, whether made nicely or otherwise, would certainly have suffered a severe nervous collapse from sheer astonishment ... but there you are—neither children nor dentists are what they used to be.

A LADY IN A RAFFIA HAT (to a Friend). Well, as I was telling you: I simply didn't answer one word. Not a single word. In fact, I couldn't have spoken, if it had been to save my life. I simply said: "Charles," I said, "I'm a woman of the world. Nothing shocks me. Nothing. But," I said, "what I saw this morning with my own eyes, with my own eyes" I said, "has so absolutely horrified me, that I simply can't speak of it."

THE FRIEND (to the relief of everyone else in the room). My dear! But what exactly was it that you saw?

THE RAFFIA HAT. You know, darling—what I was telling you about in the taxi.

THE FRIEND. What—About the H?

General Impression that the friend isn't playing the game at all with this mysterious reference, and has let down the rest of the room badly.

Appearance of the Dental Parlourmaid (with—as is usual in all Dental Parlourmaids—quite the worst and most projecting set of discoloured teeth that ever disfigured human countenance)—enquiring if You will Kindly Step This Way, please.