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Rule 6 Accept that Some Things Are None of Your Business

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Every man has a few secrets or things he does that he does not want to be questioned about. As long as they are relatively harmless (i.e. not a drug addiction, alcoholism, compulsive gambling, infidelity or tax evasion), don’t demand that he tell you. You can gently feel him out to see if he is comfortable discussing any of the topics below, but if he wants his privacy, grant him that. (After all, you probably have a few secrets too.) Here are areas where it would be wise to mind your own business:

 His relationship with (or lack of relationship with) his family. Don’t ask him why he tells his mother everything or why he never talks to her. Focus on your own family – your relationship with your parents and children.

 How long it really takes him to get home from work. You know it takes 20 minutes, but somehow he doesn’t get home for a full hour. Don’t ask him why. He may have met a friend for a quick drink or had the car washed. He doesn’t want to have to account for every minute of his commute. Remember, the time between work and home is about the only time he has to himself all day. It’s the only time no one – not his boss, you, his kids, his clients – is bothering him, so let him enjoy it. So when he comes home a little late, don’t press him – just act glad to see him and enjoy your time together.

 Business secrets. Some men would rather not tell you exactly what they have to do to make a sale or succeed in business. We’re not talking about anything dishonest or illegal here. We’re just saying they don’t want to divulge the gory details of having to wine and dine a client to get their business or what pressure tactics they have to use. Your stockbroker husband doesn’t want to tell you how he gets people to invest their savings. Sometimes he would rather not relive the transactions – it’s enough to go through it at work! If your husband doesn’t volunteer details about his business methods, assume you’re not supposed to know.

 His health. Some men don’t go to a doctor or a dentist for years on end. They have a macho attitude or think, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’ Maybe they don’t go because they don’t want to hear the doctor say, ‘Stop smoking, lose weight, exercise’ or anything else they don’t want to do. Some wait for a heart attack or an ulcer to go for a check-up. If you are married to a man who doesn’t take care of his health, you can nicely ask him if he’s due for a check-up, but do not nag him to go or make an appointment for him – you’re not his mother! His health is his business, even if he is your husband. If your husband is overweight, don’t ask him how much he weighs or sneak up behind him when he stands on the bathroom scales. If he doesn’t volunteer the number, it’s none of your business. You can, however, set a good example by eating healthy and exercising yourself. But that’s about all.

 How much he sleeps and his telly-watching habits. Some men sleep too much (all weekend) or too little (four hours a night). It’s not your job to correct either. Don’t try to be the sleep police. Some men fall asleep watching telly, which can drive their wives crazy. But you can’t reason with a man who insists on watching Newsnight every night but falls asleep in his chair before the presenter has uttered a word. As long as he spends time with you before this, don’t question it.

 How he dresses. Some women are embarrassed by their husband’s wardrobe. Some men just don’t know how to dress; some don’t care about fashion or refuse to spend the money on good clothes; some wear clothes that are out of style because they hate shopping; and some wear clothes that don’t fit well because they are out of shape. All you can do is help your husband dress if he asks you to and buy him ties, shirts and suits as presents and put them in his cupboard. After that, you have to let it go. He’s not 10 years old. You can’t make him look good or always wear what you want. Hopefully, he will like what you pick out for him as gifts – if not, just shrug it off as ‘his unique style’.

The Rules for Marriage

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