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1 1. George Orwell, “In Front of Your Nose,” The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell (1946; New York: Harcourt, Brace & World, 1968).

2 2. For extensive discussion on Plato’s theory of forms, see Russell M. Dancy, Plato’s Introduction of Forms (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004); Gail Fine, Plato on Knowledge and Forms: Selected Essays (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003).

3 3. This paragraph is taken from my article on unloving, “The Thrill Is Gone: Why Do We Fall Out of Love?” Haaretz, September 7, 2013, https://www.haaretz.com/.premium-why-do-we-fall-out-of-love-1.5329206, accessed February 13, 2018.

4 4. Émile Durkheim, Suicide: A Study in Sociology, trans. John A. Spaulding and George Simpson (1897; New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997).

5 5. Wendell Bell, “Anomie, Social Isolation, and the Class Structure,” Sociometry 20, no. 2 (1957): 105–116; Émile Durkheim, 1997 [1897]. Suicide: A Study in Sociology, trans. John A. Spaulding and George Simpson (1897; New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997); Claude S. Fischer, “On Uban Alienations and Anomie: Powerlessness and Social Isolation,” American Sociological Review 38, no. 3 (1973): 311–326; Robert D. Putnam, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2001); Frank Louis Rusciano, “‘Surfing Alone’: The Relationships among Internet Communities, Public Opinion, Anomie, and Civic Participation,” Studies in Sociology of Science 5, no. 3 (2014): 1–8; Melvin Seeman, “On the Meaning of Alienation,” American Sociological Review 24, no. 6 (1959), 783–791; Bryan Turner, “Social Capital, Inequality and Health: The Durkheimian Revival,” Social Theory and Health 1, no. 1 (2003): 4–20.

6 6. Leslie Bell, Hard to Get: Twenty-Something and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2013).

7 7. Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste, trans. Richard Nice (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1984); Mary Douglas and Baron Isherwood, The World of Goods: Towards an Anthropology of Consumption, vol. 6 (1979; London: Psychology Press, 2002); Mike Featherstone, Consumer Culture and Postmodernism (London: SAGE Publications, 2007); Eva Illouz, Consuming the Romantic Utopia: Love and the Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1997); Eva Illouz, Cold Intimacies: The Making of Emotional Capitalism (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2007); Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1992); Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Commercialization of Intimate Life: Notes from Home and Work (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2003); Axel Honneth, “Organized Self-realization Some Paradoxes of Individualization,” European Journal of Social Theory 7, no. 4 (2004): 463–478; Micki McGee, Self-help, Inc.: Makeover Culture in American Life (New York: Oxford University Press, 2005); Ann Swidler, Talk of Love: How Culture Matters (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2003).

8 8. Milton Friedman, Capitalism and Freedom (1962; Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2009); Friedrich August Hayek, The Road to Serfdom: Text and Documents: The Definitive Edition, ed. Bruce Caldwell (1944; New York: Routledge, 2014); Karl Polanyi, The Great Transformation: The Political and Economic Origins of Our Time (1944; Boston: Beacon Press, 1944).

9 9. As Beatrice Smedley remarks (personal communication) not all love stories in India (Shakuntala by Kalidasa, fourth–fifth century, or the Kama Sutra) and China (The Carnal Prayer Mat by Li Yu, seventeenth century) were informed by religious values, nor was The Tale of Genji by Murasaki Shikibu (eleventh-century Japan). Similarly, in the West a non-religious romantic tradition coexisted with the one shaped by Christianity: Sappho, Catullus, Ovid, Ronsard, and Petrarch found their sources in classical mythology.

10 10. Howard R. Bloch, Medieval Misogyny and the Invention of Western Romantic Love (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1992); Karen Lystra, Searching the Heart: Women, Men, and Romantic Love in Nineteenth-century America (New York: Oxford University Press, 1989); Steven Seidman, Romantic Longings: Love in America, 1830–1980 (New York: Routledge, 1991); Irving Singer, The Nature of Love, vol. 3, The Modern World (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1989).

11 11. It was strangely omitted by Max Weber in his monumental study of the different cultural paths taken by the West and the East. See Max Weber, The Religion of China: Confucianism and Taoism, ed. and trans. Hans Gerth (1915; London: MacMillan Publishing Company, 1951).

12 12. Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Viking Press, 2006).

13 13. Ulrich Beck, Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim, Mark Ritter, and Jane Wiebel, The Normal Chaos of Love (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1995); Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim, Individualization: Institutionalized Individualism and Its Social and Political Consequences (London: SAGE Publications, 2002); Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Viking Press, 2006); Helga Dittmar, Consumer Culture, Identity and Well-being: The Search for the “Good Life” and the “Body Perfect” (London: Psychology Press, 2007); Anthony Giddens, Modernity and Self Identity: Self and Society in Late-Modern Age (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1991); Anthony Giddens, The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 1992); Jason Hughes, “Emotional Intelligence: Elias, Foucault, and the Reflexive Emotional Self,” Foucault Studies 8 (2010): 28–52; Alan Hunt, “The Civilizing Process and Emotional Life: The Intensification and Hollowing Out of Contemporary Emotions,” in Emotions Matter: A Relational Approach to Emotions, ed. Alan Hunt, Kevin Walby, and Dale Spencer (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 2012), 137–160; Mary Holmes, “The Emotionalization of Reflexivity,” Sociology 44, no. 1 (2010): 139–154; Richard Sennett, The Fall of Public Man (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1977); Lawrence D. Stone, The Family, Sex and Marriage in England 1500–1800 (London: Penguin Books, 1982).

14 14. Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Viking Press, 2006).

15 15. Gerald Allan Cohen, Self-ownership, Freedom, and Equality (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1995), 12.

16 16. Anthony Giddens, Modernity and Self-Identity: Self and Society in Late-modern Age (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1991); Anthony Giddens, The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 1992).

17 17. Axel Honneth, The Struggle for Recognition: The Moral Grammar of Social Conflicts, trans. Joel Anderson (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1995).

18 18. Camille Paglia, Sex, Art and American Culture (New York: Vintage, 1992).

19 19. George G. Brenkert, “Freedom and Private Property in Marx,” Philosophy and Public Affairs 2, no. 8 (1979): 122–147; Émile Durkheim, The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life, trans. Karen E. Fields (1912; New York: Simon & Schuster, 1995); Émile Durkheim, Moral Education, trans. Everett K. Wilson and Herman Schnurer (1925; New York: Free Press, 1961); Émile Durkheim, Durkheim on Politics and the State, ed. Anthony Giddens, trans. W. D. Halls (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 1986); Émile Durkheim, Suicide: A Study in Sociology, trans. John A. Spaulding and George Simpson (1897; New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997); Anthony Giddens, Capitalism and Modern Social Theory: An Analysis of the Writings of Marx, Durkheim and Max Weber (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1971); Karl Marx, The Grundrisse, ed. and trans. David McLellan (1939–1941; New York: Harper & Row, 1970); Karl Marx, “The Power of Money,” in Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: Collected Works, vol. 3 (1844; New York: International Publishers, 1975); Karl Marx, “Speech on the Question of Free Trade,” in Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: Collected Works, vol. 6 (1848; New York: International Publishers, 1976); Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, “The German Ideology,” in Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: Collected Works, vol. 5 (1932; New York: International Publishers, 1975); Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, “Manifesto of the Communist Party,” in Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: Collected Works, vol. 6 (1848; New York: International Publishers, 1976); Georg Simmel, Freedom and the Individual, in On Individuality and Social Forms: Selected Writings, ed. and with an introduction by Donald N. Levine (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1971), 217–226; Georg Simmel, “The Stranger,” in On Individuality and Social Forms: Selected Writings, ed. and with an introduction by Donald N Levine (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1971), 143–149; Max Weber, Die Verhältnisse der Landarbeiter im ostelbischen Deutschland, vol. 55 (Leipzig: Duncker & Humblot, 1892); Max Weber, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, trans. T. Parsons, A. Giddens, with an introduction by A. Giddens (1904–1905; London: Routledge, 1992); Max Weber, Max Weber: The Theory of Social and Economic Organization, trans. A. M. Henderson and T. Parsons, ed. and with an introduction by T. Parsons (1947; New York: The Free Press, 1964).

20 20. Axel Honneth, Freedom’s Right: The Social Foundations of Democratic Life, trans. Joseph Ganahl (New York: Columbia University Press, 2014).

21 21. Wendy Brown, States of Injury: Power and Freedom in Late Modernity (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1995), 5.

22 22. David Bloor, Knowledge and Social Imagery (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1976).

23 23. Richard Posner, Sex and Reason (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1994).

24 24. See Robin West, “Sex, Reason, and a Taste for the Absurd” (Georgetown Public Law and Legal Theory Research Paper No. 11–76, 1993).

25 25. Lila Abu-Lughod, “Do Muslim Women Really Need Saving? Anthropological Reflections on Cultural Relativism and Its Others,” American Anthropologist 104, no. 3 (2002): 783–790, esp. 785; Saba Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011).

26 26. Michel Foucault, Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison, trans. Alan Sheridan (1975; New York: Pantheon Books, 1977).

27 27. Michel Foucault, Security, Territory, Population: Lectures at the Collège de France 1977–1978, ed. Arnold I. Davidson, trans. Graham Burchell (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2007); Michel Foucault, The Government of Self and Others: Lectures at the Collège de France 1982–1983, ed. Arnold I. Davidson, trans. Graham Burchell (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2010).

28 28. Nikolas Rose, Inventing Our Selves: Psychology, Power, and Personhood (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1998); Nikolas Rose, Powers of Freedom: Reframing Political Thought (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999).

29 29. Deborah L. Tolman, Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk about Sexuality (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2002), 5–6.

30 30. Quoted in Wendy Brown, States of Injury: Power and Freedom in Late Modernity (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press), 20.

31 31. See in particular David M. Halperin and Trevor Hoppe, who document the expansion of sexual rights in the United States in their work The War on Sex. As they document, while there has been progress in marriage equality, reproductive rights, and access to birth control, there remain many areas that are socially controlled by government such as sex offender registries, criminalization of HIV, and punitive measures against sex work. See David M. Halperin and Trevor Hoppe, eds., The War on Sex (Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 2017).

32 32. For an elaborated discussion on this issue, see Dana Kaplan, “Recreational Sexuality, Food, and New Age Spirituality: A Cultural Sociology of Middle-Class Distinctions” (PhD diss., Hebrew University, 2014); Dana Kaplan, “Sexual Liberation and the Creative Class in Israel,” in Introducing the New Sexuality Studies, ed. S. Seidman, N. Fisher, and C. Meeks (2011; London: Routledge, 2016), 363–370; Volker Woltersdorff, “Paradoxes of Precarious Sexualities: Sexual Subcultures under Neo-liberalism,” Cultural Studies 25, no. 2 (2011): 164–182.

33 33. Modern homosexuality constitutes the historical accomplishment of sexual freedom its moral embodiment because, in contrast to Greek homosexuality, it does not organize and naturalize inequality (it is not about the display of power of a man over a slave or a young man).

34 34. Camille Paglia, Sex, Art, and American Culture: Essays (1992; New York: Vintage, 2011, ii).

35 35. Ibid.

36 36. Jeffrey Weeks, Invented Moralities: Sexual Values in an Age of Uncertainty (New York: Columbia University Press, 1995).

37 37. Ibid., 29. The claim, however, is relevant to the Western world, less so to societies like that of China.

38 38. This is, by the way, no less true of homosexual encounters than it is of heterosexual ones.

39 39. Beckert, Jens. Imagined Futures: Fictional Expectations in the Economy. In Theory and Society 42(2), 219–240.

40 40. Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace, trans. George Gibian (1896; New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1966), 24.

41 41. James Duesenberry, “Comment on ‘An Economic Analysis of Fertility,’” in Mark Granovetter, Demographic and Economic Change in Developed Countries, ed. Universities National Bureau Committee for Economic Research (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1985), 233; Mark Granovetter, “Economic Action and Social Structure: The Problem of Embeddedness,” American Journal of Sociology 91, no. 3 (1985): 458–510.

42 42. Sven Hillenkamp, Das Ende der Liebe: Gefühle im Zeitalter unendlicher Freiheit. (Stuttgart: Klett-Cotta, 2010); Anthony Giddens, Modernity and Self-identity: Self and Society in the Late Modern Age (1991; Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 2009); Ian Greener, “Towards a History of Choice in UK Health Policy,” Sociology of Health and Illness 31, no. 3 (2009): 309–324; Renata Salecl, “Society of Choice,” Differences 20, no. 1 (2009): 157–180; Renata Salecl, “Self in Times of Tyranny of Choice,” FKW//Zeitschrift für Geschlechterforschung und visuelle Kultur, no. 50 (2010): 10–23; Renata Salecl, The Tyranny of Choice (London: Profile Books, 2011).

43 43. Stephenie Meyer, “Frequently Asked Questions: Breaking Dawn,” accessed September 11, 2016, http://stepheniemeyer.com/the-books/breaking-dawn/frequently-asked-questions-breaking-dawn/.

44 44. Renata Salecl, “Society of Choice,” Differences 20, no. 1 (2009): 157–180; Renata Salecl, “Self in Times of Tyranny of Choice,” FKW//Zeitschrift für Geschlechterforschung und visuelle Kultur, no. 50 (2010); Renata Salecl, The Tyranny of Choice (London: Profile Books, 2011).

45 45. Durkheim, Suicide.

46 46. Günther Anders, “The Pathology of Freedom: An Essay on Non-identification,” trans. Katharine Wolfe, Deleuze Studies 3, no. 2 (2009): 278–310. See also Eric S. Nelson, “Against Liberty: Adorno, Levinas and the Pathologies of Freedom,” Theoria 59, no. 131 (2012): 64–83.

47 47. See Manuel Castells, “The Net and the Self: Working Notes for a Critical Theory of the Informational Society,” Critique of Anthropology 16, no. 1 (1996): 9–38.

48 48. Eva Illouz, Why Love Hurts (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2012).

49 49. See Wolfgang Streeck, “How to Study Contemporary Capitalism?” European Journal of Sociology/Archives Européennes de Sociologie 53, no. 1 (2012): 1–28.

50 50. See, for example, Peter Brooks and Horst Zank, “Loss Averse Behavior,” Journal of Risk and Uncertainty 31, no. 3 (2005): 301–325; Matthew Rabin, “Psychology and Economics,” Journal of Economic Literature 36, no. 1 (1998): 11–46; Colin F. Camerer, “Prospect Theory in the Wild: Evidence from the Field,” in Choices, Values, and Frames, ed. Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2000), 288–300.

51 51. “I Don’t,” The Economist, September 1, 2016, http://www.economist.com/news/asia/21706321-most-japanese-want-be-married-are-finding-it-hard-i-dont.

52 52. Fraser, Nancy. 2016. “Contradictions of Capitalism and Care, New Left Review, June–July, pp. 99–117.

53 53. As Daniel Bachman and Akrur Barua describe based on US Census Bureau reports: “Between 1960 and 2014, the median age of first marriage rose to 29.3 years for men and 27.0 years for women from 22.8 years and 20.3 years, respectively.1 During this time, the share of single-person households in total households more than doubled to 27.7 percent and the average number of people per household fell to 2.54 from 3.33.” “Between 1999 and 2014, the number of single-person households went up to about 34.2 million from 26.6 million, an average annual rise of 1.7 percent. Growth in total households during the same period was lower (1.1 percent), leading to a more than 2 percentage point rise in the share of single-person households in total households.” “The projections show that single-person households are set to reach about 41.4 million by 2030, an average annual rise of 1.1 percent over 2015–2030.” US Census Bureau, “Families and Living Arrangements: Marital Status,” October 21, 2015, https://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/marital.html; US Census Bureau, “Families and Living Arrangements: Households,” October 21, 2015. Ibid. Daniel Bachman and Akrur Barua “Single-person Households: Another Look at the Changing American Family.” (n.p.: Deloitte University Press, 2015), http://dupress.deloitte.com/dup-us-en/economy/behind-the-numbers/single-person-households-and-changing-american-family.html, accessed September 11, 2016.

54 54. W. Bradford Wilcox “The Evolution of Divorce,” National Affairs (Fall 2009), accessed September 11, 2016, http://nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the -evolution-of-divorce.

55 55. As Claire Cain Miller shows based on “Survey of Income and Program Participation.” It is important to note that Miller also shows that since the peak in the 1970s and early 1980s, the divorce rate has been declining for people who married since the 1990s. Claire Cain Miller, “The Divorce Surge Is Over, but the Myth Lives On,” New York Times, December 4, 2014, accessed September 11, 2016, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html.

56 56. Charlotte Lytton, “I Me Wed: Why Are More Women Choosing to Marry Themselves?” The Telegraph (London), September 28, 2017 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/women-choosing-marry/, accessed February 13, 2018.

57 57. G. Oscar Anderson, Loneliness among Older Adults: A National Survey of Adults 45+. Washington, DC: AARP Research, September 2010, https://doi.org/10.26419/res.00064.001.

58 58. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, “So Lonely I Could Die,” American Psychological Association, August 5, 2017, https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/lonely-die.aspx.

59 59. Jane E. Brody, “The Surprising Effects of Loneliness on Health,” New York Times, December 11, 2017, accessed February 13, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/11/well/mind/how-loneliness-affects-our-health.html?_r=0.

60 60. Anna Goldfarb, “How to Maintain Friendships,” New York Times, January 18, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/18/smarter-living/how-to-maintain-friends.html, accessed February 13, 2018.

61 61. Julian, Kate. 2018. “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?” in Atlantic 2018 December, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/.

62 62. Some of the people were interviewed in cafes and were found through snowball procedure. Others were acquaintances who shared with me their experiences. All names have been anonymized. When details about an interviewee were potentially revealing of his or her identity, I deliberately changed them to ensure maximum anonymity (for example if someone occupied a unique professional position, I deliberately changed that position while maintaining a roughly similar educational and economic background). I interviewed a majority of heterosexual men and women but occasionally refer to homosexuals when I thought they reflect quite well processes at work in heterosexual couples as well. The sample included twenty-four divorcees, thirty-four married people, and thirty-four people in casual relationships or without relationships. It included forty-seven women and forty-five men. Because of the sensitive nature of the interviews, I quickly abandoned my recording device and interview protocol and instead used informal conversations to elicit accounts that were written down from memory immediately after my encounters. This method was most definitely less obtrusive and is in line with ethnographic mode of analysis. Occasionally, I wrote down by hand the main points of the conversation while it was happening. These conversations lasted anywhere from thirty minutes to one and a half hours.

63 63. Lauren Berlant, “Slow Death (Sovereignty, Obesity, Lateral Agency),” Critical Inquiry 33, no. 4 (2007): 754–780.