Читать книгу Raising Girls: Why girls are different – and how to help them grow up happy and confident - Gisela Preuschoff - Страница 23

Many grown-up women have told me that it’s difficult for them to say no. It’s important to be able to say both yes and no in your family. If you accept other people, including your children, as individuals, you also accept that each of you can make personal choices and decisions – about all sorts of things.

If your daughter wants hot chocolate for breakfast and you have none, for instance, you’ll have to tell her no. She’ll be disappointed and, if she’s small, she’ll whinge, cry and demand hot chocolate loudly. How do you feel about this? Do you say to yourself, it’s normal to be disappointed and to express disappointment verbally and demandingly? Or do you feel guilty about your daughter not having everything she wants? Do you get impatient and aggressive with her?

Check your responses in these situations and remind yourself that it’s all right to refuse your child something. However, also remember that you must often say yes to your daughter, because a yes is always a positive for her development.

Many children live with a lot of rules that harm their development. They are not allowed to:

 play in puddles

 climb trees

 mess around in mud

 unpack the saucepan cupboard

 experiment with glue

 handle scissors

 stand at the stove and cook something for themselves…

But these are all things that children actually should do.

Other children have no barriers, and they lose their orientation. When everything is allowed, children become deeply uncertain. Saying no to your daughter when she’d like to watch television or have a certain T-shirt doesn’t hurt. On the contrary. You might say no to playing with her if you’re weary and exhausted and need a break. Explain to her why you can’t play with her just now and when you will have time to. But remember, you should also accept a no from your daughter if she does not wish to put on the red jumper or to play the flute for her aunt.

Try to be a family where no-one has to bend themselves out of shape to fit in with someone else. Everyone should be able to decide things for themselves.