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This is at least as important as your choice of food. Meals should take place in a friendly, peaceful atmosphere, if at all possible. Anything else is unhealthy. Don’t criticise your child or partner during meals together, and don’t argue. If problems need to be aired, go for a walk or sit in the living room and talk after the meal.

Find a quiet time to discuss with your partner what table manners you think are appropriate. Is your daughter allowed to leave the table when she has finished eating, or should she wait until everyone is finished? Can she play while she’s eating? Can she serve herself at a certain age? If so, what age? And must she then eat everything she has put on her plate?

There are no fixed or right answers to these questions. You develop your own family culture by seeking answers together and emphasising the things that are important to you. In days gone by, for instance, a prayer was usually said before meals, children weren’t permitted to speak at the table – unless spoken to – and everyone remained seated until everybody had finished eating. In many families, things have changed: these days there are some families who never sit down together for a meal.

What do you want for your family? How do you want to shape your family life in this respect? The moment your toddler sits at the family table, she learns something about food. What she learns is in your hands.

Important points about food for you and your daughter

 Meals with the whole family are fun.

 We should be grateful for our food – the amount and variety we have available are not things we should take for granted.

 Healthy nourishment keeps us well.

 Everyone can help with preparing meals.

 Children learn table manners most easily through example and praise – not through criticism.

 Everyone’s body belongs to them – each person should therefore choose (from a healthy range of food) what and how much they eat.

 Fruit and vegetables should always be allowed as a snack.

In a nutshell

 Accept and bond with the baby girl you actually have, not the one you might have been anticipating.

 You are doing your daughter a favour when you say no to her for a good reason.

 Good role models are vital for a girl’s healthy development.

 Your daughter is more likely to have positive, healthy attitudes to eating if you start her off with fresh, natural food and limited sweets.

Not tied to the apron strings!

Everybody was busy in the kitchen when I announced that, instead of receiving presents for Mothers’ Day, I would not be cooking for three days over the Mothers’ Day weekend. I wanted a rest.

There was a sudden silence. Everybody looked at me, and then my two boys – aged 18 and 15 – and their father turned to the youngest, Jesse – aged ten, and the only other female in the house – and said, ‘Oh well, you’ll be cooking for three days, then.’

Jesse threw herself onto the couch, put her feet up and announced, ‘Sorry, I’m going to be a mother one day, so I need to rest now. I can’t do the cooking.’

Then on Mothers’ Day Jesse gave me a card she had made.

It said:

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mum Please don’t die until I get married Love Jesse

I think she could see nothing but years of cooking for her brothers and father ahead of her.

Lisa