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(I.) THE TRUE TALE OF TROY

(It is perhaps not generally known that the Daily Hieroglyphic, one of the leading morning papyri of Egypt under the – th Dynasty, despatched a special correspondent to Greece at the time of the Trojan War. Some fragments of his communications have been discovered by the energy of modern tomb-robbers, and the courtesy of the British Museum has enabled us to publish these disjecta membra, which may perhaps be of interest to the public at the present juncture.)

The only social événement (writes the correspondent under date Jan. 10, 1100 b. c., or thereabouts) which I have to chronicle is a reported domestic esclandre in the family of Menelaus, the genial and popular Prince of Sparta. In consequence of this the Princess Helena, it is alleged, has gone to Paris.

Mycenae, January 12.

It appears from the Court Circular that Her Royal Highness has been advised by her physicians to reside for some time in Asia Minor. At the same time I cannot conceal the fact that the Corinthian society paper, Alethea, mentions the name of a Trojan prince in connexion with this story. I am naturally unwilling to make myself the mouthpiece of scandal.

February 1.

The fact can no longer be disguised that grave international complications are likely to arise between Troy and Mycenae. It is stated on the highest authority that the Argive ambassador has been recalled from the former capital, the alleged reason being promotion to a still higher diplomatic post: there seems, however, to be no reasonable doubt that the practical rupture of relations between the Empires of the West and East is not remotely connected with the eternal maxim, “Cherchez la femme.” Much sympathy is expressed with H.R.H. Prince Menelaus.

February 20.

Everything points to war. Orders for a substantial increase of the Navy have been placed in the hands of Messrs. Odysseus & Co., the celebrated firm of shipbuilders. Heroes are earnestly called for.

The Argive Chamber was, last Wednesday, the scene of an animated debate. M. Diomedes, War Minister, demanded a vote which would enable him to enrol three more phalanxes. He was bitterly opposed by M. Thersites, Leader of the Extreme Left, who demanded to know why the Achaean nation was to be plunged recklessly into war for the settlement of matters properly pertaining to the province of a Divorce Court. Fortunately for the success of M. Diomedes’ proposal, the closure was put in operation.

Later.

M. Thersites’ funeral is announced for to-morrow (about the time of loosing oxen).

February 25.

I cannot better describe the existing political situation than by quoting the opinion of leading newspapers in Achaea and elsewhere.

All the official journals are consistently warlike in tone. They declare that nothing will satisfy Achaean aspirations but the annexation of Helen. The Athenian Asty declares that should King Agamemnon employ the opened floodgates of popular enthusiasm as a stepping-stone to lop off another limb from the decaying trunk of the (so-called) Trojan Empire, he will have achieved a permanent blessing to civilization.

On the other hand, the Olympian Times comments severely on the precipitate action of Agamemnon, and animadverts on the rash proceedings which have led to a rupture that might have been averted by diplomacy. As the Times is understood to be the mouthpiece of the Powers, such an utterance may well give rise to the gravest apprehensions.

The Oracle– a Phocian organ of pronounced clerical tendencies – preserves an ambiguous tone.

Everything indicates a warlike attitude on the part of the entourage of King Priam. Hector Pasha has been appointed War Minister. The Prehistoric Post speaks of the enlistment of two new regiments of Hittite Bashi-Bazouks in the interior of Asia Minor. The Cassandra, however, a journal little read although supposed by some to be inspired, has constituted itself the organ of the peace party, and confidently predicts the destruction of Troy.

The Ephemerios Chronographos has received the following telegram from the veteran statesman Nestor: “Profound sympathy Achaean aspirations. Bag and baggage only possible policy. Postcard follows. – Nestor, Hawarden, Pylos.”

March 1.

His Majesty and the Greek Fleet sailed to-day from Epidaurus, amid scenes of great enthusiasm. Her Majesty the Queen and His Excellency Count Aegisthus were both visibly affected. Mycenae is daily paraded by crowds shouting, “To Ilion!”

March 8.

The Fleet is at Aulis, waiting until the process of raising the wind shall have been concluded. Meantime, the services of the notorious Klepht Achilles have been engaged. This popular enlistment creates great enthusiasm.

The report recently prevalent as to human sacrifices is contradicted this morning by an official démenti.

H.R.H. the Princess Iphigeneia has joined a Russian religious house.

Trojan bonds are quoted to-day at 53.8 (a fall of 0.2).

Later.

The attitude of the Olympian Powers causes considerable anxiety.

Tenedos, March 15.

Telegrams per Beacon will have informed you that the Powers have issued a Collective Note to the Greek expeditionary force, forbidding the landing of heroes and others. Notwithstanding this, there seems to be no doubt that several demi-gods under Achilles have landed, and are endeavouring to effect administrative reforms. Achaean newspapers of all shades condemn the recent action of Poseidon in attempting to raise a storm. Hector Pasha is committing atrocities.

March 17.

In spite of the known discrepancy between the views of the Powers, they have issued a Collective Note urging upon His Majesty King Agamemnon the necessity of prompt withdrawal. In view of his possible refusal, it is understood that thunderbolts are in preparation, and Ares has been mobilized. This action is severely commented upon by the Achaean Press in general. The Phaeacian Daily Chronicle goes so far as to threaten a mass meeting in Trafalgar Square. Meanwhile, Hector Pasha is committing atrocities.

March 18.

The Powers have issued Collective Notes to the contending parties. It is understood that nothing short of a Deus ex machina can avert a formal rupture of relations between the Courts of Troy and Mycenae, as acts which are liable to the interpretation of belligerency are daily committed.

The ambiguous attitude of Zeus tends to complicate the situation. His Majesty the King narrowly missed being hit by a thunderbolt this morning.

March 20.

I am authorized to state that the intervention of a Deus ex machina has brought about the arrangement of a modus vivendi. The Achaean expeditionary force is to withdraw, and Helen is to be autonomous. Menelaus, however, is to be free to enforce administrative reforms.

March 21.

Peace with Honour has been proclaimed. It is possible, however, that some embarrassment may still arise from the action of King Priam in assessing the material, moral, and intellectual damage inflicted on himself and his allies at 152,833 tripods, 18 women, and an ox. This sum will certainly be disputed.

It is asserted as probable that the Poet Laureate, – Homer, will be invited to compose an epic poem commemorating the events of the raid. An edition of 20,000 copies will be issued, including 50 on India paper, with corruptions and emendations by eminent scholars.