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January 1978

I am an alcoholic and I am also seventeen—not surprising, because there are many teenage alcoholics. Half of them don’t even know they have a problem. I’m one of the lucky ones; I found out in time.

I have been drinking since I was eight. Physically, it didn’t take its toll until the last three years. But mentally, it affected me from the very first drink I picked up.

My story is a common one. I drank because I had problems—in other words, to cop out. I wasn’t very happy at home. Although I was loved, I didn’t feel wanted. The bottle was my friend. It helped me cope.

As the years passed by and my drinking progressed, I became obsessed with alcohol. I needed it to do just about everything. At about the age of twelve, I went from scotch on weekends to drinking beer with my friends. They had discovered drinking, and now I didn’t have to drink alone any more. We would walk up to the deli and get a couple of quarts apiece. But I was never satisfied with just two quarts. This was when I suspected something was wrong.

By this time, it had really caught up with me. I missed days from school, mostly Mondays and Fridays. No longer did I drink only on weekends. I drank on weekdays, too. I drank in the morning to calm my nerves and steady my shaking hands. Then the resentments and the fears set in.

At fourteen, I was contemplating suicide. I couldn’t find any reason to live. I hadn’t even begun to live, and I wanted to die. It was a vicious cycle of morning sickness and shaking and night drinking. Drinking wasn’t fun any more. I didn’t enjoy the high as I used to. By now, I couldn’t function without alcohol. I had lost everything—my self-respect and my will to live. I was embarrassing my family, and no longer was I the life of the party. I was a drunk. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But what was I going to do? I would try anything to stop.

I knew someone in AA and decided to try it. With no idea of what to expect, I went to my first meeting on January 16, 1976. I was afraid to talk. If anyone came near me, I started to shake. Through my sponsor and my Higher Power, I made it—but not right away. It took me a couple of months. Now, I know why. It was because I didn’t open up. I wouldn’t let anyone help me. Then I surrendered. It was the most important thing I had ever done. I just let go and let God.

The difference since I’ve been in AA is amazing. Before, I kept everything to myself, because I didn’t think I needed anyone. I had forgotten how to smile, and laughing was a thing of the past. But since I’ve been in the program, it has helped me more than I can say. I’m learning to smile and laugh again, and I’ve even gotten back some of my self-respect. The friends I have in AA are the best friends I’ll ever have. I still have problems, but AA has taught me how to handle them and not run from them. I am very grateful to AA for my new life. I believe God has given me a second chance. So I will carry the AA message to anyone who needs and wants it.

ANONYMOUS

RICHMOND, NEW YORK