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September 2009

“Lesley, will you get me some iced tea!?” I shouted from my recliner, with my right knee on a pillow following knee surgery. “Sure,” came the cheerful voice of the lovely lady who has put up with an oftentimes demanding spouse for all these years. “Here you go. I’m off to a meeting,” she said, handing me the bottle of tea and a glass of ice, then walking to the door.

As I was pouring the tea, it hit me. There were only four cubes in the glass. I didn’t ask for room temperature tea or lukewarm tea. I asked for iced tea. As any tea drinker knows, it takes at least eight—preferably 12—cubes to make a good iced brew! What was she thinking?

“LESLEY!” I bellowed, and then saw her car backing out of the driveway. Reaching for my cell phone, my first (alcoholic) thought was to engineer it so that she could come back to complete the assignment … properly. But just as I was about to hit the call button, the face of my old sponsor, Ed L., came to mind. I could see him clear as day looking over his glasses with a half-smile, slowly shaking his head back and forth.

“Norm, you are such an idiot. With your childish ego, you think the whole world revolves around you and can read your mind. We all should bow to your every whim, do everything exactly as you wish. When are you ever going to learn?”—his often repeated theme.

Putting the phone down, I was reminded that I still try to play the big shot. I want what I want, when I want it, completed precisely as I ordered.

I do know better. But still, the old thinking comes back—in a moment—and often with a lot of force.

It’s been a while since my iced tea fit. I was, however, thinking about it recently as I picked up my 32-year chip. The same sweet person who only serves four ice cubes at a time presented the medallion to me in front of my home group. She told them that the man who was within inches of being kicked out of the house all those years back had become a good husband, father and, in more recent years, a caring grandfather.

From a bumbling, controlling lost soul, to that meeting, where I stood as a very grateful and ever-so-fortunate member of this wonderful Fellowship, what an action-packed journey it has been! It hasn’t been a smooth or uneventful ride, but the progress is there.

I’m moving in the right direction, and feel truly blessed. Two steps forward and then one back seems to be my operating method. I’m still quite demanding, and often childish and ego-driven, even after all these years. When I mess up now, however, I know what to do. I talk to my sponsor, dust myself off and get to a meeting. The transgression is resolved … until the next time. Progress, and not perfection, that’s my goal.

But I know that with the Steps as my guideposts, all the tools we have, and an ever-present HP, I’ll be just fine. Thirty-two years ago I was told don’t drink, go to meetings, and life will get better. Best advice I ever got!

NORM H.

Cary, North Carolina