Читать книгу UnHoly Communion-Lessons Learned from Life among Pedophiles, Predators, and Priests - Hank Ph.D. Estrada - Страница 5

I was 23 years old in 1979 when Father John Raab sexually assaulted me. I was assigned to Saint Anne's Parish in Fort Worth, Texas as a seminarian and placed under his leadership and spiritual supervision. During that time, Father John (as I called him) skillfully and knowingly proceeded to psychologically groom me for weeks leading up to an actual physical seduction, followed by repeated sexual assaults thereafter.

Not long after the sexual contact had ended between Father John and I, I confronted him and suggested he get psychological counseling. I also reported him to several of his Claretian superiors who assured me that my concerns would be addressed immediately. I was also informed by the Provincial, an ordained priest elected as superior of the Religious Order, that Father John would never again be assigned to supervise or work directly with students or seminarians on any level. I felt relieved and comforted that I had identified Father John as someone to be watched. I also believed these religious superiors when they assured me he would get the appropriate psychological counseling necessary to stop any further inappropriate physical behavior or sexual assaults.

The painful truth is that I eventually discovered that Father John’s superiors simply reassigned him to yet another position, this time, overseas to a Claretian mission in Africa where he was once again given a supervisory position over new young seminarians. Apparently, they just moved him from one assignment to another without ever directly addressing his compulsive sexual behavior issues or getting him appropriate psychological counseling.

After having alerted several other Claretian Missionary priests, including the Religious Orders Provincial, I learned that little had been done over the years to protect others from Father John’s inappropriate physical behavior and sexual advances. I have had to face the fact that information regarding Father John’s predatory behavior has continued to resurface throughout various periods of my adult life. I’ve now recommitted myself to undertake the challenges of confronting sexual predator clergy and those who protect them. In my opinion, the fact that sexual predator priests remain active ministers somewhere in the world is a more seriously disturbing threat today than my own childhood perpetrator ever was.

As you will read I, too, am not without fault, weaknesses, or compulsions. Unfortunately, like most survivors of sexual assaults and abuse, I am my harshest critic when it comes to personal indiscretions and compulsions. I remain capable of occasionally making poor choices regarding personal associations, relationships, and intimacy. I have accepted the fact that much of the significant early childhood influences in my life have revolved around unhealthy addictive behaviors, i.e., chemical dependency and sexual compulsiveness.

Despite everything I’ve experienced in my life thus far, I am resolved to do the best I can with whatever tempting or threatening circumstances I face. More importantly, when I fail in my struggles to overcome risky compulsive behavior, I can now recall just what type of situations trigger unhealthy responses, evaluate which specific factors influence my decisions, and focus on identifying positive alternatives. When similar urges resurface, and they always do, I take what I’ve learned from each past decision, no matter how painful or uncomfortable, to avoid repeating those with the most humiliating and unhealthy consequences.

I do not, by any means, hold “the key” to complete healing and recovery, but I know from experience what helps me and what does not. It’s my desire to share with you the reoccurring subconscious triggers and behavioral experiences that I as a sexual abuse survivor have faced since my journey first began as a five-year-old boy. I also never assume that my experiences are unique or isolated. Many adult survivors struggle daily with similar circumstances and issues. I’m but one of many who have survived traumatic sexual abuse experiences, most as children, and now, as an adult survivor at the hands of a sexual predator priest.

After my first book, Recovery For Male Victims Of Child Sexual Abuse, I never imagined I’d be writing a second book all these years later, this time as an adult survivor of clergy sexual abuse. I’m thankfully aware that I cannot and will not keep silent about these equally horrendous sexual predator crimes by religious clergy committed against innocent people of faith. I pledge here, once again, to diligently use my single voice to publicly seek justice for today’s still invisible and silent child and adult survivors of abuse by pedophiles and sexual predators.